Crush

Sharing this again for posterity.

Jullana posted this on FB last 03 June 2016.

To which, her classmate Chester who has a crush on her, commented #10. So here was my comment and the conversation that ensued.

After a while, he deleted his message and replaced with this.

And after a little more while, he PMed me this.

I think I handled it pretty well, didn't I? ;) 

Drunk in love

The little big man, who's a big boy now, has been going through a lot of changes over the past year. I guess what I'm about to share is one milestone and deserves a detailed story-telling.

Cousins from Bataan were over at the brother's house last Monday. As expected, brother and cousins went drinking, as they usually do when they get together.

I let the big boy Migo join the younger cousins. I went to bed early only to be woken up by the brother and nephew, carrying my big boy into the bedroom, drunk.

He was saying all kinds of things, blabbering actually. I made sure I took a video of him so I could later show it to him and make him realize how stupid he looked drunk, in effect, make him NOT drink anymore in the future.

Some random blabber:

M: pakisabi sa syota ko...

Tyrone: wag mo sabihn syota kase ibig sabihn nun short time.
M: ok pakisabi sa lota ko... lota... long time 😁

M: mahal na mahal ko mommy ko. Gusto ko pakita sa kanya na naaappreciate ko mga paghihirap nya.

M: (to Tyrone who had him in his arms) don't rape me!

To wit, all of these are recorded in a secret file in my phone. For future reference. Someday. 😉

A conversation with my old friend last night stuck to me. All this time, I am seen as a weak person by friends of my younger self. I guess because they saw me as a sheltered, defenseless, littel girl back in college. Back then, we would go on class projects at my house since my parents won't allow me to sleep over at another person's house. My dad would always pick me up from school when we had classes till 9pm. I had a nanny who took care of my needs at home. I was a crybaby -- the littlest sad things, even happy things, made me cry. My college friends knew all that.

Funny how I knew all this time too, that I was the most independent among my siblings. At 10 years old, I asked for my own bedroom while my brothers slept in the same room as our nanny. I was usually by myself in doing my homeworks and other activities. I learned to commute by myself at 12 yrs old. Right out of college, I looked for a job on my own and never asked my parents to pull any strings for me to get in companies where they had associates in.

I got married in my late 20s. That's when I became dependent on the hubby. I never went anywhere new without him. I relied on him literally what I was gonna eat everyday. He always did things for me and the kids and I almost couldn't do anything without asking his opinion.

But as years passed, and especially in our situation now, I am on my own again. I'm dealing with things I never thought I could handle.

I guess I could say that I am a coper. I cope with what life throws at me. I'm glad I am such. I hope my children learns this too.

Army

This is my song for you. But you're not here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know that I've been messed up
You never let me give up
All the nights and the fights
And the blood and the breakups
You're always there to call up
I'm a pain, I'm a child, I'm afraid
But yet you understand
Yeah like no one can
Know that we don't look like much
But no one fucks it up like us

16 and you never even judged me
Matter of fact I always thought you were too cool for me
Sitting there in the caravan
All the nights we've been drunk on the floor
And yet you understand
Yeah like no one can
We both know what they say about us
But they don't stand a chance because
When I'm with you
When I'm with you
I'm standing with an army
I'm standing with an army
When I'm with you
When I'm with you
I'm standing with an army
Standing with an army
Dark times, you could always find the bright side
I'm amazed by the things that you would sacrifice
Just to be there for me
How you cringe when you sing out of tune
But yet it's everything
So don't change a thing
We both know what they say about us
But they don't stand a chance because

When I'm with you
When I'm with you
I'm standing with an army
I'm standing with an army
When I'm with you
When I'm with you
I'm standing with an army
Standing with an army

Standing with an army
Standing with an army
Standing with an army
Standing with an army
(I'll be yours)
Standing with an army
Standing with an army
I'm standing with an army

Yet you understand
Yeah like no one can
We both know what they say about us

When I'm with you
When I'm with you
I'm standing with an army
I'm standing with an army
When I'm with you
When I'm with you
I'm standing with an army
They don't have a chance because

Standing with an army
Standing with an army
Standing with an army
Standing with an army
Standing with an army
Standing with an army
Standing near you
Standing with an army
Standing with an army
Standing with an army
Standing with an army
Standing with an army
Standing with an army
When I'm with you
Standing with an army

Dad

November 3 Tuesday (2 weeks ago)
I was driving home from work and called mmy MOm to inform her that I would be fetching her. Her phone was offline so I called my Dad so he could call her landline to inform her.

November 8 Sunday
My Mom went to a reunion with her brother and sisters. SHe asked me to check on my Dad during the day. To be honest, I was actually afraid of checking in on him. What if I find him unconscious? What if

November 10 Tuesday (1 week ago)
Mom called me to tell me Dad doesn't want to go to the doctor. She told me to start preparing white outfits for her and me and my brothers. You know what that means. I called my younger brother and started bawling. I couldn't take it.

November 18 Wednesday (today)
I went out for errands and brought home Dad's favorite JOllibee palabok. I fed him. Literally. It was the weirdest feeling in the world.

OOTD (Conversations)

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I put on an old top that I must've been wearing frequesntly over the past weeks. The little girl said to me to wear something else. That I should wear my other clothes at the back of the closet.

 

So I took it off and found this girl flowy off shoulder top that I probably used only twice since it was bought months ago. I wore it and showed the little girl. She approved then went to the closet to find a matching black bandage skirt. She let me wear it, stood back and said, "There."in approval.

 

I stood in front of the mirror and told her, "But I don't like wearing skirt in the office." to which she replied, "Yeah. It makes you look old."

 

So I took it off and wore my black distressed boyfriend jeans. When the little girl saw me again, she quipped, "That's fine. Cool pants. Nice top."in approval.

 

The little girl's fashion inclination is manifesting.

 

 

I'm Pregnant

Last night, I had the weirdest dream. I don't usually have vivid dreams. I always sleep deeply and if ever I do have dreams, usually, I forget what they're all about come morning. But this.

 

I was in the market and the vendor was holding my hand and looking at my palm and pointing at my moving pulse and she told me that I was pregnant. I was shocked. I knew I didn't want to have another child. But I knew too that having a new one is a blessing and that I cannot "not want" this one.

 

 

 

I woke up with the purpose of checking out the dream dictionary about what this might mean. As soon as I got to work this morning, I looked it up and found this.

 

 

So here I am, pondering about the possibilities. Few weeks ago, a friend/supplier and  I have discussed his plans of getting me as an industrial partner in a business he will be setting up next year. I've been actually looking and opening my doors to new opportunities but so far, nothing concrete has come up. I really hope this is a sign.