choose to be happy

as much as a lot of things should be depressing me right now, i am choosing to be happy.  a lot of things are happening that are not favorable, if not downright unpleasant and unwanted.

work, for one thing, has become a roller-coaster ride gone awry.  by that, you'd think i'm exaggerating.  but no.  it has indeed become the weirdest place on earth.  there have become new policies, restrictions and people who i cannot fathom as to why those things happened.  sorry to say, boss, if you're reading this.  i have been dedicated to my job in the company for the last 5 years.  5 YEARS!  most of the things promised me years ago have gone to naught and some benefits i had were retracted.  in its place, doubts to an upward career path.  i'm not ungrateful though.  there are some things that the company has given like the 5pm off in place of my favorite flexi schedule.  (i hated it when they told us no more flexi schedule but like all lowly employees, i did not have a choice!)  

this morning, it took me the whole ride to the little big man's school before i decided if i wanted to go to work or not.  coz i honestly, did NOT want to.

i do not wish to enumerate anymore because, like i said, i'm choosing to be happy.  i will look forward to a better day today.  maybe clean my table and start fresh or something.  

or maybe, i'll go home by lunchtime. 

Man is fond of counting his troubles but he does not count his joys.  

If he counted them up as he ought to, 

he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.

~Fyodor Dostoevsky

little girl's wish / little mom's wish

last night, before going to sleep, the little girl begged me again not to go to the office anymore.  she's been telling me this for the last couple of months already.  the last few times, including last night, she was in tears.

my heart so ached.  

yesterday, before this happened, i attended her Buwan ng Wika celebration at her pre-school where she participated in the Tagisan ng Pagbigkas ng Maikling Kwento in which she won 3rd Prize.  she related the story of Ang Kuneho at ang Pagong.  i made a cardboard turtle's shell and fixed on her left with a turtle nose and tail.  on her right was a rabbit ear on her head a nose and tail too.  and she presented her story b turning each side whenever each animal spoke.  it wasn't perfect yet because she fumbled on some statements and giggled when she made mistakes.  but it was a good start.  for all of you who know the little girl well, i know you're surprised by this.  it is her first time to actually participate in a school activity where she will have to perform by herself in front of parents, teachers and classmates.  hubby and i are so proud of her. 

i know though that she could've done better had i been consistently practicing her.  had i been always with her, and not at work everyday. 

one day soon, my child.  i promise.

mommy moment

these days i have been battling a dilemma.

migo (the son) has been unusually emotional and clingy. on separate occasions this past month, he told me that i always leave him. that he wants me to fetch him from school. that he wants me to stay home and not go to work. once, when i really didn't go to work, he was so happy to find me at home when he arrived from school.

today is a city holiday (valenzuela day) so he didn't have classes. a few days ago, when it was announced as such, his dad told him that he could go to my office with me (coz he's always been nagging me about bringing him with me to work). but this morning, i had to leave early to catch up on work and just a while ago, when i called home, he cried on the phone because i left him.

if only he knew that what i've always wanted was to stay home and take care of him and his sister. if only i could just quit this job and not have to worry about our daily expenses. if only i could spend more time with them. if only i could.

so here i am, in this place my friend andre calls a rathole. this place where i get my source of income. which provides for the family. for migo's daily expenses.

but not for migo's (and my) source of simple joy.