Liminal Space

This morning, I attended a worship service at the office which I initially thought was a first Friday mass. 

The pastor spoke about Liminal space and the Liminality of God.

Great, I thought. This is exactly where i am right now.  I couldn't help but post this on IG right after.

This past month of May has been a month of transition, decisions of going forward or staying behind, major life changes. 

I brought the little girl to voice lessons. She also went on a 2-day acting workshop which she immensely enjoyed more than the singing which took a few weeks.

I got a new seat / desk at work at the corner of the 2nd floor office. As if that's a major life change but then now it's more airy and spacious so I guess that will affect my work attitude and flow.

The boss asked me if I wanted to level up. He wanted me to take on the responsibility of being Division Head. The following day I talked to the VP for HR and told her I didn't wanna. I knew it was something I shouldn't do, being that, the dynamics of the company will only make me the fall guy. I am happily placed already where I am and doing good at it. So why spoil the broth. My VP told me the same.

I decided to transfer the kids to a new school. Practical reasons. Lower tuition fees, no school bus service, being that it's walking distance from our house. Shorter school hours too. More time to sleep in the morning and will get home early in the afternoon. They will still be tutored by my cousin and I have high hopes they will excel this year.

I finally bought that new car I've been pining over since last year. I will now be able to go anywhere I want with the kids, independent of anyone to drive for us.

I've contacted a prospective employer. We've planned a meeting to discuss things but so far nothing concrete yet. But he did say he's definitely considering me on his team. Which is something I am holding on to.

My sister-in-law who's been helping me and hubby has been having her own personal problems. She and her kids slept over one weekend this May. I want to be there for her emotionally but we don't get to talk often.

The start of June has been nothing but positive for me. I can say I'm contented and happy right now. Something happened with the hubby last weekend where he is right now and it got me worried for a while but I guess he can deal with it. I'm praying for him constantly. 

I'm looking forward to better days ahead.

It is not the strongest of the species that survive,

nor the most intelligent,

but the one most responsive to change.

~ Charles Darwin

A good read:

http://inaliminalspace.com/about/what

Tests

Leftover. Untouched milk. First day of final exams for the schoolyear and the little big man (who is not so little anymore, mind you) did not drink his milk before leaving for school. I always told him to never take tests without milk in his tummy.

Another schoolyear is almost through. 4 days of tests and we're done with 3rd and 7th grade. How time flies indeed.

Yesterday I was told that my Dad has a year to live. He'd undergone lots of tests, went to a third doctor last Friday for a third opinion on his liver cirrhosis. And yesterday around 1pm, my sister-in-law tells me this. I'm putting it out there as bluntly as I was informed. No small talk, just straight out, flat out truth. I wept, yes. I've been in denial for the last couple of months since his first hospitalization in October.

How time flies. Indeed.

the aftermath

Every morning since June 9 the first day of school, I look forward to a view like this. 

Well not necessarily this as in this coz this pic was art directed and posted on my Instagram account. But every morning, I look forward to that moment when the kids have boarded the school bus and I am back on the dining table staring at the leftovers of a hurriedly-eaten, half-eaten  or uneaten breakfast. In this case, empty mason jars of milk.

Usually I wake up at 4:30am -- more or less -- depending on last night's episode of Pinoy Big Brother or if it took me long browsing Facebook/Instagram or if I stayed up farming on Hayday. The first thing I do is iron the kids' uniforms. Then heat up water for their bath. Put together a nice, healthy (yeah right) breakfast. 

I wake the little girl first. Actually I carry her to the bathroom and wake her with the first splashes of water. After her, I wake the little big man. And while he bathes, I drag the little girl to the dining table and force feed her. I check their school bags. I pack their snacks. I try never to forget the little girl's water. I make sure to put lunch money in the little big man's pockets. Then he comes out for his breakfast. They try to annoy each other which takes up some time. I flare up a bit. I make them drink milk and vitamins. I have to remind them, always, to brush their teeth.

Before we know it, the school bus is downstairs. So we head out and then, just like that, they're gone.

Leisurely, I would go back upstairs. Sit somewhere, give a deep sigh of relief. This. Is. This. The aftermath of the beginning of my day.

Then I would load up the washing machine while watering the plants. I would clean up the mess on the dining table, wash dishes, fix the bedroom, go back outside to rinse and hang the clothes from the washing machine. I would sneak in a few minutes of Instagram and Hayday. I would fold clothes from the previous day's laundry.

After all of this is the time when I will take a bath, clean my nails and get ready for work. By 7:30am, I'm off to the office.

The phrase "working mother" is redundant.

Now let's talk about when I get back at home in the evening. And not to mention, my day at work.

Good Day

I must say I had a productive day today. Second time this week. The first was last Monday, I didn't go to work but ended up enrolling in driving school, getting my student permit and finally getting my kids their new Samsung Tab3 and Samsung S Duos.

Today, a Friday, I didn't go to work again. Spent the first two waking hours driving. My teacher, Aban, is as short as me. Literally same height. He is so cool and kind I don't want anybody else to teach me.

After my lesson, the kids and I went to Notre for their enrollment. How can hard-earned money just go like that in an instant?

Insert picture here of receipt

When we got home I cooked for my mom. Later in the afternoon, I suddenly wanted to cook spaghetti for the kids. Yes, I did. Butbi found that my speghetti sauce ia expired by over a year. (Remember? I dont really cook, right.) Ran off to SM with tge little girl to get Three-cheese pasta sauce. Shopped a little too and got the little girl's school supplies.

My spaghetti was a hit. Then cooked fried chicken (in Japanese breading) later tonight for a late- night supper which the kids really enjoy. The late-night supper, I mean.

If you don't know me well, let me tell you that it's a big deal that I am cooking. And it's making me happy that I am able to do this for my kids.

Real proud of myself today.

New Year

Oh yeah, I was supposed to blog about a few things....

It's a New Year in different ways for me so let me run down those "few" things I wanted to blog about for the last 3 months that I was in hiatus from this blog.

New school year.  The little big man, who is 10 years old, is now in 6th grade.  Schoolyear 2013-2014.  Can you believe that?  I must change the picture on the top of this blog soon.  That was so 5 years ago.  (I guess)  And the little girl, who is 7 years old, is in 2nd grade.

CPU and external hard drive are dead.  Yes, 2 weeks ago, my Seagate 500gig external hard drive containing most of my family pictures for the last 8 years, just went kaput.  And just this weekend, our family's personal computer crashed.  I need to start over.  I don't need to tell you how devastated I am about all that I've literally lost.  I did not shed tears but you can imagine my insides falling apart piece by piece as the computer tech told me that none of my data stored in all of that can be retrieved.  

Back  to old coach.  The little big man started training again with his former taekwondo coach.  Yeah, the one who disowned him some 2 years ago.  We've been wanting to communicate with him for the past year and the few times we've connected in some tournaments, he was friendly enough for us to eventually tell him that we wanted our little girl to start training with him.  And then he asked, what about the little big man?  So we took it as an invitation for us to come back and train with him again.  And we did.  There's no turning back.  So last May, both kids went into rigid 4 times a week training with him.  

Home-grown.  In connection with that training, the little girl , after training for about 3 weeks, went into her first official tournament, albeit a mini-tournament.  It was so mini that she did not have an opponent in her category who is a girl.  So, the organizers pitted her against boys.  Yes, she sparred with 2 boys within her height range.  And she won over both. Her first official gold medal in taekwondo has been sealed.

New business.  So after all the ups and downs of the previous year, the parents helped hubby and I put back together the canteen.  It's now located in our own yard converted into a cozy enough, decent enough canteen for students and for the neighborhood.  We called it Joy Avenue Foodstore, derived from our street name, Ligaya Street.  

Work-related.  Last December, the office renovation got semi-completed and my department was moved back up to the 2nd floor.  My new place is right in front of the door leading to the warehouse.  Last April, my Chinese friend and supplier noticed I'd been sickly the last couple of months.  I told her it was probably because of the crazy schizophrenic weather and that I was seated in front of the door that pushes in warm air everytime it opens and closes.  To this, she was appalled.  She said, in Feng Shui, it is bad luck to be working right in front of a door because the negative energy is right at you.  Aside from that, my back was towards the door so I could be prone to back-stabbing, literally and figuratively.  For this, I requested my bosses if we could have a wall put behind me to block the door, to which they immediately said yes.  But to this day, 2 months later, still nada.  

Still work-related but on the side.  I tried to revive SALT last February but my full-time job just keeps me too busy and tired.  So after a few successes for 2 months, I am lying low on this biz again.  My time will come.

Babies.  My younger brother has a new baby.  Cheska was born last March.  My PD Officer Jacq is pregnant and is due in late July or early August.  Her baby's name is gonna be Yuri.

I know I have a lot more to update but this will be all for now.  I will try my best to blog often so I won't forget.

Weaning

My tweet of the day:

Kids' first day with the school bus service. Weaning them or weaning me, I don't know which.

cool school

the little girl's entrance exam results at the little big man's school were released yesterday.  we went in for interview and were so happy to be told that she topped her test in reading with the highest possible score of 9.  her math is 8 (above average) and her language is 6 (average).  

the guidance councilor told us that per her assessment, the little girl got a 4 (average) as to her ability to keep up with the school's system of education but was happy to find out that her test results showed otherwise.

so, it is official.  she's going to big school and there's no turning back.

Big school

turnaround

the little big man's grades dropped this 3rd quarter from last.  significantly.  that's adding insult to injury because from the first to the second quarter it has already dropped and he had made a promise to get them back up but still, he disappointed me.  i found out he has not submitted a couple of homeworks and a book report which he had already made but lost and did not make any effort to make another to submit.  he had high grades in oral and class work and most of his exams and quizzes which only meant he was doing good, if only he'd submitted those darn homeworks!

i told him how irresponsible he had become and really made him feel how disappointed i was in what he had done.  or had not done, for that matter.  i decided to ground him in some way by banning the use of the iPad for the rest of the 4th quarter and he will only be concentrating on homeworks and taekwondo.

last tuesday, when we met at our store after school, he gave me this:

it reads:  BEST ENGLISH SPEAKING PUPIL


i always knew we'd have some use for his talkativeness.  so anyway, right now, we're still focusing on getting him to submit homeworks.  

grades

school grades for 1st quarter were received over the weekend.  little big man got an average of 86.3474. should've been enough to get him a 3rd honor but he had a pair of 82's.  the requisites for a 3rd honor is an average of 86 and no grade lower than 85.  sadly, he had 82 in reading so we're catching up on that now.   and 82 in character education which, according to his teacher, was due to his being talkative.

we promised each other, together, we'll get that honor come 2nd grading period.  aja!  

and there i was 9 years ago, wanting my kid to go into a progressive school and not a traditional school like this!

small talk

got the little big man's 1st quarter report card last saturday.  was good.  as expected, his highest grade was in math and phys ed.  his homeroom teacher, ms. torrefranca informed me that academically, he was doing good.  their only problem with him is his being talkative in class. 

i can't deny.  my son is very opinionated and can't shut his mouth.  he will say everything and anything that comes to his mind, no matter what the situation or the circumstance.  he will explain when he's being reprimanded.  he will comment on other people's conversations.  he will always have something to say on somebody else's business.  i know for a fact that he did not get that from me.  i am one of the most tactful people i know.  it can't have come from me, no sir.  the hubby, although he vehemently and laughingly denies this, is to blame.

teacher clare, his tutor told me exactly the same thing.  i was informed that he is as good as the 1st honor student in her tutor class and she's confident about his intellectual capabilities.  but her only complaint was that he can't seem to contain his thoughts and comments to himself.  though whenever he is reminded, he immediately says sorry and keeps quiet, for a while, until he forgets again to mind his own business.

so this morning, on his first day back to school, i reminded the little big man to try shutting his trap for at least when he isn't being talked to.  with a daily dose of that, i am a little bit confident he's gonna be in the honor roll next quarter.  i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

water costume

and so the little big man performed in a field demo in school for their foundation day celebration.  they did an interpretative dance, their batch representing water among the elements.  other batches were air and water.  they won the "most unique" award.

from afar, watching him, i was awed at how he's grown.  he's 8 years old now and in 3rd grade.  a lot has changed within, around and for him.  his school, his height, his daily routine, his activities, his likes and dislikes, his attitude, his achievements, his intelligence, his EQ.  i feel that this year is one of the best years of his life because of the turning points that occurred from big decisions that we made.

but i'm supposed to talk about his costume.  :)  it wasn't easy to get his costume done.  first he needed white long sleeved leotards.  i knew just where to get them in that aisle in sm hypermarket where we got the little girl's ballet outfit last summer.  no problem.  

then there's the royal blue pants that semi-looked like pajamas.  i was sure our neighbor, who sews scrub suits for a living, will find a perfect royal blue fabric and sew it in no time.  hubby insisted to go looking for it somewhere else despite this but he came back empty-handed after scouring stalls and depstores.  true enough, i was right. luckily, we got it the day before the event.  black rubber slippers too on the same day.

and then there's the head dress.  that's a whole story on its own.  i got the blue foil, sequins, elmer's glue-all, black electric tape and illustration board at national bookstore.  the pattern was given to them at school and the little big man proudly announced few days before the event that he had cut it out by himself.  the task was to cover it with blue foil, stick the silver sequins all around the edges and make it stand on his head without falling down while performing.  i thought it was a piece of cake.  or so i thought.

as i stood back, looking at the whole ensemble, i think i now know what poseidon would look like if he were gay.  i told hubby that this would be something my son would look back on 20 years from now and be embarrassed about.  it looked so gay!  LOL!

airplanes

"....can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars?  i could really use a wish right now...wish right now...."  -b.o.b. featuring hayley williams

as i listen to these lines in full volume with my kids playing /annoying each other at the same time in the background, i anxiously count down the hours till it's time to go to migo's new school.  it has been a long time since it felt like this. 

it's less than 24 hours now.

as i've said in a previous post, migo will be transferring to a new school.  i have the jitters more than he for it is like starting all over again.  he will be in a different environment: new classmates, new teachers, new opportunities and challenges, new schedules... new life.  he is going into uncharted territory and he doesn't know it but i know it's scary. 

i remember the first time i was going to ride an airplane. i was so excited.  i knew i was going to experience something new, discover a new country and learn new things.  little did i know  that going there, we will experience something else while flying. during flight, there is such a thing as clear air turbulence wherein there are no cumulus clouds and there is erratic movement of air.  they cannot be seen by the pilot and usually catches them by surprise.  the passengers of the airplane usually feels a jolt, much like when riding a car and you drive over potholes.  only here, you're suspended in air and you don't know what could happen.  after a while, once past these air pockets, the ride becomes smooth again.

tomorrow is a turning point in my son's life.  i admit i'm afraid of the air pockets he may encounter for the next ten months in the new school.  for i know he has to do this alone.  me and hubby can only sit in the sidelines and let him do his stuff.  but just as we let him get into the taekwondo court by himself, we will be confidently looking on, believing he will make it through, supporting him and shouting, Go Migo!

tutoring

today, migo will start academic tutorials near his new school.  last week, hubby and i visited two tutorial centers just outside the school to check out what they offer and all that.  both gave us some sort of preview on what to expect when migo starts schooling at the new school.  they've been tutoring students from the school for years now and they are more or less familiar with the goings-on there. 

funny how, back when i was in grade school, tutors are for those who are slow/cannot cope/not so intelligent students.  it seems that nowadays, even the bright kids are on it what with the demands of going to traditional school.

yes, migo is going to a trad.  ironic that i've been scouting for progressive schools ever since he was an infant and have been dead set on it for the longest time.  but our family circumstances make it not possible for him to go to such.  for one thing, our home is not in the vicinity of them progressive schools.  i am left to choose between a local trad school and this one just outside our city which is known for its high educational standards.  so i chose this.

meanwhile, julla is still going to kindergarten in a progressive pre-school just near our place.  eventually, when she goes to grade school, we just might enrol her in migo's school too.

decisions.  decisions.  i hope we're making the right ones for our kids.  we only want what's best for them.

the underachiever

migo's interview at the new school was early this morning.

principal nora manuel was stern but smiling when she called him into her office.  i saw him through the glass window as he sat in front of her, knees together, hands clasped on his lap, just as i'd told him.  i wasn't sure if he was gonna breeze through it.  what with a 'failed' mark for his reading and language entrance exam the day before.  he had a high score in math though.  and his SAI is 113, above average. 

after about fifteen minutes, he was out the door telling hubby and me that the principal wanted us inside.  my heart skipped a beat. 

once inside, the principal asked migo to step outside. 

i was wondering why your son is an underachiever...  were her first words.  i was stunned but immediately got back my composure.  

what do you...?  how so?  why did you say that?  i don't understand.  i put my bag aside and put both my arms on top of her desk, crossed.  what EXACTLY do you mean by that?

she told us that migo had a high IQ but it only showed in his math exam (he got a high 3.8), but did not reflect in his reading (2.5) and language (1.8) exams.  it meant that he is above average in intelligence but doesn't seem able to use that academically.  i was literally crushed.  no, make that heart-broken.  i don't know if my voice broke or was just unsteady as i explained to her that my son does seem to lack interest in those subjects but excels in math, science and general information.  that he is also very good in taekwondo--a gold medalist even.  that he has a whole lot going for him and the reason why we are actually transferring him to this school is because we actually want him to be better at what he's not.  having said that, the principal was supportive.  she said they were admitting him to 3rd grade but on probationary status--meaning his grades have to be good on the 1st grading period.  if otherwise, we were asked to sign a 'contract' that he will attend remedial classes. 

my heart still aches as i type this.  but my heart knows that this is but a wake up call.  i have always been lauded by my friends for being such a great or cool mom.  the problem with that, i realized now, is i usually let my kids do only what makes them happy.  which is good, from another person's point of view.  case in point, migo's reading and language would've been better had i "forced" him to like those subjects instead of letting him study only those that he liked.  i know i've been really lax with him this past schoolyear, what with my nanny being the one assisting him with his homeworks.  i am so sorry that i've not been a good mom....


but today is a new beginning for him and me.  we'll prove to that new principal at that new school how lucky they have become to have acquired migo as their student.  aja!

update on phlegmatic me & my choleric mom

we finally got the effin' documents!!  yey!

teacher S was apologetic albeit still trying to justify her hesitancy in giving out the documents.

phlegmatic me and my choleric mom

so last monday, i was able to inquire at the new school and hubby and i have finally decided, most probably, that migo's going to transfer there next schoolyear.  

next on the agenda was to secure the requirements before migo could take the entrance exams.  i had to call the old school to ask them for a photocopy of migo's report card until the 3rd quarter and a certificate of good moral character.  

teacher S was the one who answered the phone and i told her about the situation.  she told me that i can have everything when they release the report card on april 12.  unfortunately, entrance exams at the new school is only till april 8.  so i had to call teacher S again to explain the predicament and request her kindly, if she could provide everything at least on april 5.  she kindly said yes, albeit reluctantly, because she said there were a lot of activities right now and everyone there is busy.  it turned out that SHE was the one who will prepare AND release the certificate.  which infuriated me a bit, coz it was only an effin' piece of paper which i was SO sure already has a template and only needs her effin' signature!  but i was calm.  kind even, to this soft-spoken teacher who has been the recipient of my complaints for the past schoolyear.  phlegmatic personality me.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/science/medicine/gallery.shtml?select=04

after i put down the phone, my first instinct was to call my choleric personality mother.  

mom, i need your super powers.  text me when you're back in the office so i can call you.  thanks.  nothing serious. text message sent.

as expected, she cannot -- would not accept the excuse of this teacher.  her solution was fairly simple:  write a letter to the principal and personally bring it to her and talk her into releasing the gawd-forsaken certificate!

the following day wasn't very eventful but a significant one.  she went to the old school, found that both the principal and teacher S were not around at nine a.m.  so she left the letter with another teacher there.  later, she called and, voila, teacher S answered.

same excuses were told to my mother, who was never the slightest bit discouraged.  she was not to be brushed aside by this woman.

her words, verbatim:  ganito na lang.  tatawag ako uli on thursday to remind you that i will pick up that document on friday afternoon.  ok?  she told this thrice to the equally unfazed teacher who kept saying that my mother has to wait.

until finally, alam mo kase teacher, kaya lilipat ang apo ko, kase gusto nya mag-soccer.  eh sa notre may soccer field.  e kayo wala kayong soccer field.   kaya tatawag ako uli sa thursday to remind you that i will pick up that certificate on friday afternoon.  okay?

sometimes, although i won't admit it, i really love my mom for being so choleric.  

which temperament are you?

 

1)  phlegmatic

2) choleric

3) sanguine

4) melancholic

school blues

did i tell you that migo started going to toddler school yesterday? it's only for the summer. he's only 2yrs & 8 mths old and by end of the summer, if he performs well he may -- just may -- be admitted to nursery school.

cool huh. his dad and i are confident he'll make it coz he's a bright child. modesty aside. or maybe i'm like all the other parents who just think their kids are simply the greatest kid that ever walked this earth.

anyways, yesterday, his first day, there was this kid about 5 years old. (note: at least 2 years his senior) according to cesar's story of what he actually saw from the outside of the classroom, this 5y/o kid came over to where migo was sitting, quietly drawing with his crayons. 5y/o kid then tried to get one of migo's crayons and when migo probably told him not to, he picked a crayon and threw it away. migo didn't budge. then 5 y/o kid wasn't contented. he started pointing an imaginary gun at migo and wouldn't stop "bang-banging" him until he looked up. now what was migo supposed to do? here was a 5y/o kid irking him while he was minding his own business.

this is what he did. (this is how cesar saw it with his own eyes.) migo stood up and whacked the kid straight with his right fist. (guess that's for throwing the crayon...) so 5y/o kid went down. migo sort of dived after him and what cesar saw next was 5y/o boy crawling in all fours and migo on top of him. then, migo bit his lower back. guess that's for the "bang-banging."

what do you expect next? 5y/o kid crying, mom to the rescue. we're not sure if mom of 5y/o kid said anything to migo coz he started crying too and seemed afraid of the mom. so cesar went in and comforted little migo.

atta boy. daddy's proud of him... after all, he only went after that geezer when he wouldn't back off. he was forwarned by migo's silence. he insisted and so he got what he deserved.