Bruce

I've been thinking about it for the last 13 months. At the start of 2015, the desire was too great not to do something about it. (It is more of a need, actually, not a want. Yes, I am justifying my action.)

His name is Bruce. He's small for a guy but quite brusque in my opinion. He's black. Please, no judgment there. He's actually cute and charming but has this air of being smug, sort of reserved and secretive. My dad didn't like him when he met him. But all dads are like that. He wanted Red but at the last minute, I chose this guy.

My daughter wanted to call her Nicki. I asked her why. Her reply: Nicki Mirage.  

Just this morning, I've decided she/he will be named Nicki Bruce. 
Gender: Gay. Yeahhh! Lalaki sa umaga, babae sa gabi at pag weekends. 

P.S. In January 2015, en route to Baguio with my family, we first went to Manaoag and as I saw cars lined up to be blessed, I made a mental note to have mine blessed there too. I didn't realize Our Lady was listening. 

The cars we drive say a lot about us.

~Alexandra Paul

Sometimes it's the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination.

~Drake

Tests

Leftover. Untouched milk. First day of final exams for the schoolyear and the little big man (who is not so little anymore, mind you) did not drink his milk before leaving for school. I always told him to never take tests without milk in his tummy.

Another schoolyear is almost through. 4 days of tests and we're done with 3rd and 7th grade. How time flies indeed.

Yesterday I was told that my Dad has a year to live. He'd undergone lots of tests, went to a third doctor last Friday for a third opinion on his liver cirrhosis. And yesterday around 1pm, my sister-in-law tells me this. I'm putting it out there as bluntly as I was informed. No small talk, just straight out, flat out truth. I wept, yes. I've been in denial for the last couple of months since his first hospitalization in October.

How time flies. Indeed.

Folding the page

I've been meaning to write this entry since Sunday but I couldn't find on Google the poem I wanna write about. The poem was read to us by our priest during mass that day and it stuck to me.  I was almost teary-eyed.

So the poem goes something like the author chancing upon an old text book in the attic and when he opened it, he found a folded page.  On it was written fold this page for now because you're too young to understand, but someday you'll understand. And now that he's grown and found that old textbook, he read the page again and then, yes, he understood.

Those words spoke to me about my family situation now. It's hard the way things have turned out. I cannot fathom why this happened to me and my family. I even wondered what I'd done wrong to deserve this punishment. If this was karma, what have I done to deserve this fate? I cannot understand. I've prayed and prayed for better days but it has become worse.

So what to do? Let God. I've lifted everything up to Him. Someday, I'll understand. I'm folding this page for now.

driver

something about not being able to drive a car has been holding me back all my life. after I graduated from college at age 20, I have set my mind that by 25 i would be driving my own car. but here i am forty-something and all and i just finished driving school a few weeks ago.

so now, i'll be driving my own life. shoulda done this a long time ago.

hello, world!

merry christmas, everyone!

time, truly, does fly so fast when you're having fun.  well, not really always having fun.  but i do believe in cherishing every moment so we may be able to relive it in down times.

on the day before christmas, my unico hijo, the little big man became officially... a man.  

BEFORE

 DURING

Sorry, anak, for posting this.  But you may want to look back at this someday so here it is. ;-)

AFTER

loss

three days ago.

this story is supposed to be about my two kids'  taekwondo tournament but it's gonna segue into a totally different, devastating story.  that is a forewarning.

it was the bulacan taekwondo championships held in marilao convention center in, where else, bulacan.  the kids were psyched for another fight and so were hubby and me.  i can say that we live for days like these.  it just makes us plain happy.

little girl was sent to the mats early and won her first game without a sweat.  (that's me, the mom, talking.)  second game was a breeze.  (again, proud mom moment.)  

her finals match was unexpected.  she was up against an older girl but with the same height, the younger sister of a veteran champ in clraa (central luzon ahtletic association or something) and although wearing a white belt, we expect has been training way longer than my little girl.  little girl overwhelmingly lost her finals match.  and her tears of furstration and hurt were overwhelming as well.  i consoled her of course that it was not something to be ashamed of and that we're all still proud of her.

...ooOoo...

little big man's first game was a breeze too.  then finals match was definitely not hard but sadly, he lost by 1 point.  he was disappointed of course, being hungry for another gold again but i guess, luck wasn't on his side.... yet.  coach told hubby that the little big man already has everything -- skills, form, speed -- we just have to be a little more patient and we will harvest soon. this guy's time will come.  i've said this time and time again, everytime he loses, because i strongly believe so.

...ooOoo...

towards late afternoon, the intense games of the kids' high school teammates got us all worked up and cheering on the sides.  it became an opportunity for some nitwit to steal my handbag which i left on a chair together with our team's bags and equipment.  the thief singled out my bag because i left our low bat iPad®  inside.  he must've been around already since morning, checking out who would be neglectful of their belongings, and i turned out to be the unknowing victim.

when i found my chair without my bag, i told the hubby and we informed coach who announced it over the microphone to please be mindful of belongings since a parent (me!!) lost her bag.  a little while later, coach's wife when she found out, told us she noticed an abandoned bag inside one of the stinky toilets.  and there it was.  my ransacked bag without the iPad and my wallet.

three lessons in losing today:

1)  the little girl's loss tells me that despite doing your best, if the other person who beat you is way ahead of you, you have to accept.  but you better train harder so you will be as good as her, if not better.

2)  the little big man's loss tells me that being the winner is not a one-time thing.  the process of getting there, overcoming obstacles, learning and maturing marks the true champion.  his time will come.

3)  and what did i learn from my loss?  never leave your personal belongings unattended.  God bless that nitwit thief.  and God bless me more.

“Winning or losing achieves the same result-- change.” 

― Shannon L. Alder

happy birthday little big man

dear little big man,

today is your 10th birthday.  i am so happy to see how you've grown so well into your 2-digit age.  you've brought a lot of pride and happiness to me and your dad  these past century of our life.  i want to thank you for that.

i only wish you to fulfill your big dreams.  learning everything you can in school, becoming a taekwondo black belt and competing and winning in your sport.  becoming a loving kuya to your little sister and an obedient son too.  often when we're praying silently, you would ask me what my prayer for myself is.  and i'd tell you that whatever you prayed for, i prayed to God that He give it to you as long as it is what He intended for you.  eversince i had you, i only wished for nothing but your complete happiness.  for it will make me happy as well.

son, please grow up to be a better man.  let's overcome life's obstacles together.  i'll be in front but please promise me that you will be behind me -- my back-up.

i love you, today and always.

mom

family matters

i've been blogging about my little family, which are, my hubby and my two kids.

but not often about my original family, which are, my mom, dad and brothers.  include ima and my eldest nephew.

last night i had a long talk with my mom.  and then my eldest nephew who is staying with us most of the time this summer.  i ended up sleeping around 2am because of this.  but was well worth it.  i realized a lot of things about my little family.  that most of the decisions i make about them are affected by the original family.  truly, one's values are created and implanted inside the family.

heart problem

it was too easy to find the doctor's clinic near the old city municipal building, in front of the signage that reads PULIS.  the weather wasn't too hot, a little bit windy in fact.  i was calm.

less than a week before, the bad news was spilled out to me and had to wait for this day to confirm the truth to this.  i had so many morbid thoughts about it.  one night, i couldn't even sleep thinking about it.  i even got teary eyed upon reading something about living only up to five years.  

so after one and a half hours, the secretary finally summoned me to the doctor's office as it was already my turn.  the heart doctor had a kind face with chinky eyes and a nice smile.  he asked me why i was there and i presented to him the medical findings and the ECG result.  he looked it over and asked me about my family's medical background, if i smoked, if i drank liquor, if i was into sports.  to all of which, i replied no.  he grinned.

he stood up and put his stethoscope on my back and listened.  then he asked me to lie on his examination table.  more listening.  and me breathing, in, out..... in, out.....

it turned out i wasn't sick at all.  the doctor and i with hubby ended up laughing at how paranoid i had been for the past week.  he even kidded, in exasperation, "your mom kept calling me, i was playing tennis!"  i realized my mom was probably worried about it too but didn't show it, just as i didn't let it show too.

and so, for now, i can rest assured that i will live to see the day my kids become adolescents to which a week ago, i almost thought i won't.  i will still have the chance to earn my first million.  i will still be able to go back to running and aerobics, maybe shift to kickboxing or something more rigorous.  i will still be able to do a lot of things i have yet to write on my bucket list.  for now, i am more than thankful that i am healthy and i am happy. thank God!

a lesson in defeat

victory is sweetest when you've known defeat. - malcolm forbes

migo brought home a bronze medal yesterday from another tkd tournament.  he should be happy.  out of 12 tournaments that he has participated in, he already won 3 bronzes, 2 silvers and 4 golds.  that's all in the past 13 months that he's been into the sport.  that's more than anyone who started the same time as he.  and at his young age of 7, that should be a feat.

but as soon as the referee raised his hand indicating the win of his opponent, migo's eyes welled up in tears as he headed out of the court, towards my outstretched arms.  he cried and cried for a good ten minutes, i think.  me and his dad and his coach and his tito benedict, together with his teammates comforted him, patted him on the back, gave him words of encouragement and did everything we could to console him.  you still got a bronze, anak!  don't cry!

it wasn't really a fair fight if you look at it.  but who said life, or this sport, is fair, right?  he won his first 2 fights for the day and we were already looking forward to the finals.  then we found out that he needed to win a semi-finals round with a group 2 opponent.  (migo is in group 1.  group 1's height is 120-128cm.  group 2's height is 128-136cm.)  i became a little anxious but knowing my migo, that he is never  fazed by any size opponent, i relaxed a bit and waited for his call.  it turned out the kid matched to him was about 5-6cm taller, 3 years older and although was a yellow belt, had been training years before migo even started.  but migo put up a good fight, with a 5-8 final score, with some points by  migo not counted.  i have the video!  i can prove they didn't count at least 3 points in round 1!  to me, it was a tied match but then again, that's me, i'm his mom.

in the end, it was a lesson learned, not only for migo but for me and hubby as well.  that we cannot always win.  that at some point in life, we will lose.  that losing doesn't make us any less, but makes us better people.  that we now know how those we defeated before felt.  that it's okay.  that life moves on.  and that there are more things to be thankful for.  that prayers sometimes go unanswered because God must have another thing planned out for us.  that a bronze is better than none. 

my migo became a matured athlete yesterday.  i'm still a mighty proud mom.

"Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it's not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won't. It's whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere."

                                                                                               -Barack Obama

 

ABUNDANCE!

i attended this supposedly life-enriching 3-hour seminar last tuesday. meant to write about it but postponed it until today. many of the topics discussed were actually things many of us already know but fail to apply in our lives. i, for one, am guilty.

here are a few things though that i want to remember, and purposely implement in my life right now. this can be what you can call my mid-year resolutions.

*when you give, it comes back.
now, i will never, ever hesitate to give anybody anything that i know i am capable of giving. i will always be reminded of the scene where the hand that is holding on to something gives away what it is holding, only then is it able to receive an even greater thing.

*attitude decides the result. my "yes" means the job is half-done.
now, i will always, always think positive about everything. yes, i can rant for a few minutes in a negative situation but i will immediately make a turn-around and CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY, accept things that i cannot change, and GO WITH THE FLOW.

*control: my thoughts, words, anger, appetite, sexual desire.
now, i will start eating oatmeal either for breakfast or for dinner. i have to keep healthy as i know i am in my middle age already (boy, that was hard to admit!) and i have to control my appetite now more than ever.

abundance!! my shoutout for the second half of 2008!

hubby and me

one of our...what should i call it... bonding days.

we went to quiapo church. a short prayer and off we went to our suppliers for our new business. years ago, he and i prayed at this same church when we requested for our first baby. little did we know that i was already pregnant at the time we were there. even if he didn't tell me, i know he prayed for our business. as i did. for it to become successful, for it to be a good source of providing for our family, for it to be our bond. aside from our marriage, that is.

we capped off the day with going to the grocery to buy a couple of items for the kids. nido fortified for migo, lactum 1+ and eq dry diapers (now size large finally) for julla. kids' shampoo, kids' toothpaste, kids' toothbrush, kids' body powder and kids' cologne. and two 1-liter bottles of C2 apple. a quick fastfood dinner of sharksfin and rice.

now home, he's downstairs chatting with friends, making the most of the time we have left in this community. pretty soon when we move to our new home and our new endeavor, he won't have much time for friends anymore.

but i know we're both happy with the way things are heading. things are definitely looking upfor this little family!