Crush

Sharing this again for posterity.

Jullana posted this on FB last 03 June 2016.

To which, her classmate Chester who has a crush on her, commented #10. So here was my comment and the conversation that ensued.

After a while, he deleted his message and replaced with this.

And after a little more while, he PMed me this.

I think I handled it pretty well, didn't I? ;) 

Drunk in love

The little big man, who's a big boy now, has been going through a lot of changes over the past year. I guess what I'm about to share is one milestone and deserves a detailed story-telling.

Cousins from Bataan were over at the brother's house last Monday. As expected, brother and cousins went drinking, as they usually do when they get together.

I let the big boy Migo join the younger cousins. I went to bed early only to be woken up by the brother and nephew, carrying my big boy into the bedroom, drunk.

He was saying all kinds of things, blabbering actually. I made sure I took a video of him so I could later show it to him and make him realize how stupid he looked drunk, in effect, make him NOT drink anymore in the future.

Some random blabber:

M: pakisabi sa syota ko...

Tyrone: wag mo sabihn syota kase ibig sabihn nun short time.
M: ok pakisabi sa lota ko... lota... long time 😁

M: mahal na mahal ko mommy ko. Gusto ko pakita sa kanya na naaappreciate ko mga paghihirap nya.

M: (to Tyrone who had him in his arms) don't rape me!

To wit, all of these are recorded in a secret file in my phone. For future reference. Someday. 😉

OOTD (Conversations)

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I put on an old top that I must've been wearing frequesntly over the past weeks. The little girl said to me to wear something else. That I should wear my other clothes at the back of the closet.

 

So I took it off and found this girl flowy off shoulder top that I probably used only twice since it was bought months ago. I wore it and showed the little girl. She approved then went to the closet to find a matching black bandage skirt. She let me wear it, stood back and said, "There."in approval.

 

I stood in front of the mirror and told her, "But I don't like wearing skirt in the office." to which she replied, "Yeah. It makes you look old."

 

So I took it off and wore my black distressed boyfriend jeans. When the little girl saw me again, she quipped, "That's fine. Cool pants. Nice top."in approval.

 

The little girl's fashion inclination is manifesting.

 

 

I'm Pregnant

Last night, I had the weirdest dream. I don't usually have vivid dreams. I always sleep deeply and if ever I do have dreams, usually, I forget what they're all about come morning. But this.

 

I was in the market and the vendor was holding my hand and looking at my palm and pointing at my moving pulse and she told me that I was pregnant. I was shocked. I knew I didn't want to have another child. But I knew too that having a new one is a blessing and that I cannot "not want" this one.

 

 

 

I woke up with the purpose of checking out the dream dictionary about what this might mean. As soon as I got to work this morning, I looked it up and found this.

 

 

So here I am, pondering about the possibilities. Few weeks ago, a friend/supplier and  I have discussed his plans of getting me as an industrial partner in a business he will be setting up next year. I've been actually looking and opening my doors to new opportunities but so far, nothing concrete has come up. I really hope this is a sign.

 

 

Stage mom feels 2

Still on that beauty pageant a few days ago. Just for the record.

I was taking a video of the Q&A. The son's question was about how he will boast about his country. He was cool and composed and didn't seem rattled or lost for words, but his answer was way off.

From my left side, I heard someone (perhaps a mom of another contestant) say, ang layo naman ng sagot.

I had to restrain myself from hitting her with my left. You know that feeling when an ambulance alarm starts ringing in your head and heat quickly crawls up from your neck to your face to the top of your head? That's what I felt and if not for the videocam I was holding up, I really would've hit her in the face sideways with my left.

Mothers. You know what I mean.

Stage mom feels

I am the worst kind of mother.

I did not know that today the little big man, who's not so little anymore, who just turned 13 just over a week ago, was one of the contestants in a beauty pageant in school. All the while, I thought he was preparing for a class presentation for their Buwan Ng Wika culminating activity. I even considered going to work today because my boss was hesitant in allowing me to take a leave. At the last minute though, my leave was approved. But really, all the while I thought it was just one of those routine activities that a good mother should attend for her kids. I was so wrong.

How do I describe the feeling? Years ago, I witnessed this little big man fight in his very first taekwondo competition. I had jitters. My hands trembled as I held the videocam to capture the fight. I was a newbie taekwondo parent surrounded by parents of brown- and black-belts who've been through dozens of competitions. That first competition gave him a bronze medal. He came out of it triumphant and went on to dozens more competitions with more bronzes, silvers and golds. And me? I came out even more triumphant with every medal, every fall, every tear. He had as many triumphs as defeats.

Today I was a newbie mom to a teenage son who joined a beauty/talent/intelligence contest for the first time.

It felt exactly the same thing.

I looked on child rearing not only as a work of love and duty 

but as a profession that was fully as interesting and challenging 

as any honorable profession in the world 

and one that demanded the best that I could bring to it.

~Rose Kennedy

My 13 Thoughts on Your 13th Birthday This August 13

13. I've been a mom for 13 years now. (Who would've thought i'd get this far?)

12. This is a new chapter for you and me. Everybody says the teenage years are the most challenging for parents but the most memorable for their children. I hope we could get through this together and you arrive at your adulthood and my senior life both of us unscathed. (So help us God.)

11. I'd appreciate it if we could stay friends throughout. You did promise me when you were 4 years old that you wouldn't keep secrets from me. So let's take it from there, shall we? It's best to tell your ol' mom your joys, sorrows, triumphs, problems and I promise to be the best listener. Ever.

10. Your sister is your friend as well. I hope and pray that you nurture your relationship with her. Make her feel that she's protected and loved by her older brother. Remember that your future girlfriends will take particular note of how you treat your mother and sister.

9. Though your Dad is not physically present, know that he loves you very much. And you know you can always ask him for guidance and advice on things you cannot ask me. ('Cause he is still the best Dad in the world.)

8. Learning in school is the most important thing to do during your teenage years. It sets the foundation of how you will turn out in your adult life. You wanna be successful yeah? Study hard. It will all be worth it when the time comes and you will be thankful.

7. Independence is something you have started wanting for the past year. The more you will want it in the next years. I'm giving it to you. I give it to you and I trust that you will make sound, reasonable and  balanced decisions. I will always be here to give you advice and guidance. (Just put down your phone and talk to me.)

6. What do I always tell you? Your character is what you do when no one else sees you. Even when no one sees you, always do what is right. And kind. Pray wherever and whenever. There's no limit.

5. Your success in life will be all your doing. No one else's. You define your future. And even your present. (I mean, your now, your present. Not gift. I know what you're thinking.)

4. Don't worry about your height. You'll grow much taller than you already are. Believe me. (I know.)

3. Hugs and kisses and "I love yous' should never EVER run out. You hear me? It reassures me that I'm doing good as your mother.

2. All my promises, I will fulfill them. Not always immediately, but rest assured that I'm trying everything to keep them. I hope you fulfill yours too. 

1. Enjoy your teenage years, my son. How you will live your life at 31 will depend on how you will live your life at 13 onwards.

"There's this boy who stole my heart.

He calls me Mom."

of dishonesty and bullies

The little girl the other day showed me a crumpled 500 peso bill with wrapped around a bottle of liniment. She said she found it inside her schoolbag. Of course, she knows it's not hers because I don't give her that amount of money for school.

So I told her the most logical thing to do. Give it back. Go see her school's principal and return it to her.

The next day, she got bullied by one of the boys in her class. She said she was walking from the front of the class towards her seat when this boy punched her in the stomach. She curled in pain and cried. When the teacher was told, the teacher's reaction was that the next time the boy punches her, his parents will be called to school.

When told of this, I was furious. But my Mom, (the Grandma) who was told first before me, was even more furious and decided that she will personally go to school and report this incident. It was fine with me since my work nowadays demands that I be at the office always.

Later in the evening, my Mom told me about how she lectured the Discipline Officer in school about bullying. It was a little funny because knowing my Mom, I'm sure they heard a handful of her wisdom. She'd made her mark on the school officials, I must say, esp that officer and the Principal.

The little girl later told me she returned the money and liniment bottle to the principal. The principal told her, "You're honest huh. Ang laking pera nito at ibinalik mo." Then she left.

Much later, the principal went to her class and asked for her and told her, "I forgot to tell you, very good for what you did."

Goodness is about character - integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like. More than anything else, it is about how we treat people. 

~ Dennis Prager

Bruce

I've been thinking about it for the last 13 months. At the start of 2015, the desire was too great not to do something about it. (It is more of a need, actually, not a want. Yes, I am justifying my action.)

His name is Bruce. He's small for a guy but quite brusque in my opinion. He's black. Please, no judgment there. He's actually cute and charming but has this air of being smug, sort of reserved and secretive. My dad didn't like him when he met him. But all dads are like that. He wanted Red but at the last minute, I chose this guy.

My daughter wanted to call her Nicki. I asked her why. Her reply: Nicki Mirage.  

Just this morning, I've decided she/he will be named Nicki Bruce. 
Gender: Gay. Yeahhh! Lalaki sa umaga, babae sa gabi at pag weekends. 

P.S. In January 2015, en route to Baguio with my family, we first went to Manaoag and as I saw cars lined up to be blessed, I made a mental note to have mine blessed there too. I didn't realize Our Lady was listening. 

The cars we drive say a lot about us.

~Alexandra Paul

Sometimes it's the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination.

~Drake

Twinnies

I was told this actually happened a few days back.

The little big man (who, by the way, is no longer little) put a lock on his phone using his image. The way it goes is that the phone only opens if he puts his face in front of it and it detects that it is him trying to unlock it.

The little girl, naughty as she is, put her face in front of the phone.

And walah!!! It opened!!!

Now who still says they don't look alike? 

Rite of passage

Today is one of those days. The nanny hasn't come back from her supposedly 2-week vacation. Last week, my boss told me not to be absent from work for the rest of the month. The little big man has to go to school to finish clearance for his 7th grade before release of his report card this week. 

So this morning I had to leave the little girl at home with Ima. I knew she was sad because she will be left at home to fend for herself. Ima is virtually non-existent in terms of being a guardian to her, but at least she's there to be with.

When Migs and I went downstairs, I heard the little girl calling out following us downwards. I stopped and thought she might be crying out of sadness. When I met her at the foot of the stairs, she came to me and in a hushed voice, asked:

Mommy, pwede ako maglaba?

I broke into a smile. 

Back story: Last week, she watched me do the laundry using our washing machine and said she wanted to do it.

So I dropped Migs at school and got to work. Once there, I received a message from the little girl: 

This day marked the day my little girl became a grown-up.

miggers

Found this artwork among a pile of papers that the little big man took out of his school bag last night. Posting this so someday he can look back and say he actually did this and what he wrote came true.

It reads:

MIGGERS

-kinda sporty

-kind

-love video games

-lovable

MIND

I want to learn the lessons if life. Life must challenge me!

HANDS

I will not only use my hands for video games. But also for helping out poor people.

HEART

I want to embody on how kind I am. I may be makulit but I'm kind. Note: I'm also sift hearted.

FEET

I will only walk forward not afraid of the future. I wish to have a good future.

To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person.

~Bruce Lee

conversations

the little girl and me  few weeks ago while walking on our way to the grocery. not verbatim. but it went something like this.

mas favorite ko si daddy kaysa sa yo. i love you pero mas love ko si daddy ng konti. pero i love you.

so mas love mo si daddy kaysa sa akin?

uhmm...oo... pero konti lang.. ikaw 99%, si daddy 100%

ah ok.

parang ikaw mas favorite mo si kuya kaysa sa akin.

Children begin by loving their parents; 

as they grow older they judge them;

sometimes they forgive them.

~Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

the ice cream maker

it's the kids' 4th day without school. semestral break. the little girl's been begging me to bring her with me to the office and i've promised her that she can go to the office with me today. just because.

early on, the office has issued a memo no longer allowing employee's children in the premises. it was brought about by an incident among the owners' relatives who fought over one of the kids. long story. so anyway, before going to work with my little girl in tow, i told her that in case the guard does not allow her inside, we will have to go home.

when we got there, guard was all smiles. we went in smoothly without question. officemates who missed her since she was there a lot last summer, were so glad to see her. immediately, i set her on the table behind me doing some papercraft. she was well-behaved and wasn't a nuisance at all.

then one of the HR personnel called my attention about the memo. i immediately said i'll just leave the office with my daughter. it wasn't a big deal really. i knew it was coming but i just took the chance since everyone in the office knew i always bring her there whenever she had no classes.

i decided to take it as an opportunity to bond with her so i told her we will go to the mall instead. perfect timing cause it was already 10am. as we walked out of the office, the little girl started sobbing, saying "i'm sorry mommy, i'm sorry mommy..." i appeased her, telling her it was ok, it wasn't her fault. but she kept on saying i'm sorry as tears fell down her cheeks. i hugged her to me and reassured her that it was ok and we will just enjoy our day.

we ended up in toy kingdom. 

we ended up with a toy ice cream maker.

later, she apologized to her dad as well. she was actually afraid to tell her dad about it and was teary-eyed again as she explained to her dad that she didn't want it to happen. again i told her it was alright. 

then she asked, pano yan san ka na kukuha ng money? wala ka nang work?

and it dawned on me, the reason why she was sooo sad was all the while she thought i lost my job because she went to the office with me. 

this made me a bit mad at what happened. this made me want to get back at that wretched office policy for not allowing my kid in there. i could only imagine the trauma my little girl felt all these hours since morning!

and so i told her over and over again that it wasn't her fault and that i didn't get fired. my dear daughter..... 

so we made ice cream instead.

Children are happy because they don't have 

a file in their minds called "All things that could go wrong."

~Marianne Williamson

new pet

and so we got ourselves a cat last week.

i finally gave in and got the kids a siamese kitten.

his name is groot.

he slept on our bed the first night but he pooped on it so he is officially out of the bedroom at night. he's all sweet and cute and all that cat thingy but i cannot bring myself to cuddle him the way the kids do.

but i'm glad he's here cause the kids got some responsibility in their hands. and the fighting lessened a bit. just a bit.

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow

but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

~Mark Twain

12th

The little big man is turning 12 years old today. I can't believe I've been a mother for a dozen years already. We've had a lot to go through as mother and son. He's my little knight who gets me through my down days, inspires me to go further who hugs and kisses me at just the right moments.

Like last night, i posted this picture on my instagram a few minutes before midnight. Then I turned off the lights and cozied up in between him and the little girl. At exactly 12:00, officially his birthday, I nudged him and whispered in his ear, Happy birthday.

He was in deep sleep i know but he moved a bit and he kissed me on the cheek and hugged me to him and whispered, I love you too.

That teared me up.

~~~~~~

"Son, you outgrew my lap but never my heart."

~read from somewhere

blessed

Woke up today to this.

A clean living room.

Not worrying about doing the laundry.

(Yes our kasambahay arrived last Sunday and officially started work yesterday.)

The slow steady breathing of my two sleeping kids.

New haircut and hair color from yesterday's me time.

Cooking 3-cheese fetuccini pasta and toasting garlic buttered baguettes for breakfast. (So who says it has to be eggs benedict all the time? Hehe)

Tuesday and it's a non-working holiday.

Thank you for blessing me in more ways than I know.

Reflect upon your present blessings --

of which every man has many --

not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.

~Charles Dickens 

just another weekend

Hello Monday morning!

It was a productive weekend. By that I mean, I was able to finish 4 weeks worth of laundry including 3 bedsheets. I bought new curtains.

I bought two new cacti and a potted giant rose plant.

I didn't do my tryinghardchef stint this time, except for the mandatory buttered shrimp for the little girl. But I did buy a tom yum soup pack for next weekend's shrimp. For a change. 😊 I also bought Yummy, a recipe magazine so I'm sure to try out new food this week. I am excited about that.

Kids and I attended The Feast Valenzuela again yesterday (2nd time this month). So heartwarming. Kids think we should attend it every week. Which makes me really glad that they like worship.

We haven't gone to taekwondo training for 3 weeks. It feels sad not to be able to go and letting my kids' "athleticity" go to naught. But last night Mommy O called and said the coach wants the little big man in the national tournament on the 26th. That's two weeks away so we gotta work up our schedule to be able to train.

So I'm off to a brand new week. Wish me luck. Good vibes only. God's will, God's time.

little sick girl 😰

Last night, the little girl at dinner told me to bring her to the hospital. What I know she meant was to bring her to the doctor for check-up. This is so unlike her and I am a bit worried. No, actually, i'm very worried that I'm already imagining brain cancer. Forgive me for being OA but I'm coming from my friend Allie's experience where her 13 year old son passed out after just 3 days of fever and was never revived.

Backtracking, last Thursday night the little girl had fever and a headache. I gave her Tempra. When she awoke the next morning, she said her head still ached but I convinced her it was nothing and made her  go to school. By lunch time she had fever again and was sent home by the school clinic. I had to leave work early to get to her but she was fine when I got home and was already playing with her cousins.

Saturday she was ok. At least I think she was. On Sunday, we attended The Feast and she felt shivery and had headache again. 

Yesterday (Monday) at school she said she went to the school clinic again for an hour with slight fever. Which brings us back to last night.

Pediatric doctor, here we come. I'm hoping it's just fatigue over the last 3 weeks that she's been on whole day classes. Fingers crossing and then palms clasping in prayer now.

Feeling foodie

Recently been doing a lot of stuff in our little kitchen. And I must say I've been enjoying the time I spend there. It's one of the blessings I consider that God has given me after the major changes in our little family. 

Just for the record, here are some of the stuff I've been busy with, serving my little big man and little girl these past weeks.

Hungarian sausage and scrambled eggs

The last 2 months, I also started the habit of going to the palengke every Saturday morning to buy food, fruits and... shrimp! Shrimp is the little girl's favorite and being the picky eater that she is, this is the only food she would eat with gusto. She would even help with the cooking.

Then there's my obsession with plating and instagramming my work. I search the internet for recipes that not only taste good, but look good as well. It feels good to prepare these for my kids. And I know they appreciate the effort, esp the little big man who even told me last week that I should stop working and just stay home and take care of them like this. Oh how I wish I could do that!

Tuna pesto pasta + Four seasons

Lemon infused water + Fruit loops + s'mores + 3-cheese & tomato pasta

Tuna & alfalfa rolls / sandwich

Salad composed of cucumber, lettuce, carrots, avocado and yes, alfalfa sprouts + vinegrette

Food for the body is not enough. 

There must be food for the soul.

~Dorothy Day