just another weekend

Hello Monday morning!

It was a productive weekend. By that I mean, I was able to finish 4 weeks worth of laundry including 3 bedsheets. I bought new curtains.

I bought two new cacti and a potted giant rose plant.

I didn't do my tryinghardchef stint this time, except for the mandatory buttered shrimp for the little girl. But I did buy a tom yum soup pack for next weekend's shrimp. For a change. 😊 I also bought Yummy, a recipe magazine so I'm sure to try out new food this week. I am excited about that.

Kids and I attended The Feast Valenzuela again yesterday (2nd time this month). So heartwarming. Kids think we should attend it every week. Which makes me really glad that they like worship.

We haven't gone to taekwondo training for 3 weeks. It feels sad not to be able to go and letting my kids' "athleticity" go to naught. But last night Mommy O called and said the coach wants the little big man in the national tournament on the 26th. That's two weeks away so we gotta work up our schedule to be able to train.

So I'm off to a brand new week. Wish me luck. Good vibes only. God's will, God's time.

Me Time

Sometimes I just want to put my feet up and relax. Had a foot spa and pedi earlier and it felt so good.

I've been a bit emo since last night. My thoughts went on like this: I used to be fun.

I imagined how the friends I have now see me compared to the friends who knew me when I was... fun. I wished they would know the person that I was before I became...this.

Everyday Things That Affect Your Mood

this new year, i've decided to let go and let live.  i don't want my fears or anger or any negative thoughts to rule over my decisions and actions.  i will concentrate on the positive of my life and work and family.

and this video just gave me a simple way to adjust my attitude towards everything that i encounter daily.  thanks, yahoo.

cousins

our little family went on a roadtrip last weekend to orani, bataan. we went to celebrate the feast of our lady of the rosary, which not many of you know, is where my first name rosario was derived from by my dad, who is a devotee.

we went to the 11am mass and afterwards, watched the banda ng mosiko, while my dad related his stories to my kids about how it used to be when he was young there in their town.

then we went to my cousin's house and had lunch.  

best part of the day were the kids enjoying their short but fun time bonding with their cousins that they didn't want to go home when it was time.  the little big man was literally begging me to let him stay overnight.  of course, that wasn't possible so hubby and i promised them we'll come back on the 31st and stay overnight.  i understand how much they long to be with their cousins and i'm glad they've built friendships and bonds with them that will last forever.

"a cousin is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost."

happy birthday little big man

dear little big man,

today is your 10th birthday.  i am so happy to see how you've grown so well into your 2-digit age.  you've brought a lot of pride and happiness to me and your dad  these past century of our life.  i want to thank you for that.

i only wish you to fulfill your big dreams.  learning everything you can in school, becoming a taekwondo black belt and competing and winning in your sport.  becoming a loving kuya to your little sister and an obedient son too.  often when we're praying silently, you would ask me what my prayer for myself is.  and i'd tell you that whatever you prayed for, i prayed to God that He give it to you as long as it is what He intended for you.  eversince i had you, i only wished for nothing but your complete happiness.  for it will make me happy as well.

son, please grow up to be a better man.  let's overcome life's obstacles together.  i'll be in front but please promise me that you will be behind me -- my back-up.

i love you, today and always.

mom

mommy matters

resilience.  i feel this word.  i want it to drench me in its meaning.

i've never felt more "mom" than i have been the last couple of days.  i was on leave for 3.5 days last week to physically take care of the kids' needs, without a nanny and without a husband.  

last tuesday, i had to leave work midday to fetch the little big man because classes were suspended while the little girl was sick at home.  from that day onward, i prepped them every morning, brought them to school, fixed the house and did errands, fetched them later and had dinner somewhere or at my parents'.

over the weekend, i spent time at our canteen while finishing "fifty shades of grey."  i haven't read a whole book (novel) for the last 4 or 5 years and it felt really good although i wasn't too fascinated with the story of this one.  sunday the kids and i went to morning mass, had lunch at max's and spent a quiet afternoon and evening.  to top all that, i cooked dinner.  

and cooked breakfast and "baon" the next three days till today.  and i think i'll be doing that for the rest of my life because i realize i love doing it for the kids.  

i did some laundry and ironing too last week for the kids' uniforms.  but i did arrange with the laundry woman to come every monday since i know for a fact that i will not be able to handle that on a regular basis. 

i arranged for the kids' school service so that i wouldn't have to worry about them while   i'm at work.  good thing the kids liked the idea although they have to prepare for school an hour earlier than when the hubby used to bring them by car.

i bought a can opener.  this is monumental for me.  because for a long time, i never had one because cans at home were always opened by the hubby or the nanny or the house help using a big knife.  but last monday, i was gonna cook meat loaf for the kids' baon and i almost ground the meat inside the can using that big knife to open it.  i also bought a new cutting board since i wanted to replace ours a long time ago but never gotten around to doing it because i wasn't the actual user of it, until now.  and guess what, i bought a flat "sandok" for frying.  i know i will be frying a lot these days so might as well get my own.

last night, i went shopping for food.  i always did that with the hubby before because he's the one who knows that stuff.  (if you've known me long enough, you'd know i'm not that kind of girl and that he's that kind of guy.)  but last night, i was picking which cooking oil to buy, getting a pre-packed dozen eggs, deciding on whether to get the boxed milk or the chocolate milk, buying potatoes and tomato sauce... i was actually thinking of cooking a real meal (which is giniling na baboy) and not just something out of a can or a foil pack.  

i am also making time to fix, clean, arrange things in the house.  little by little.  i am now aware that trash is being picked up every wednesday and saturday so i always have to make sure it's out our door those days.  i am also aware when the mineral water is running out so i can request for a delivery.  i have asked for the help of one of our helpers at the canteen to prep the little girl every morning.  i have also commissioned our cook to make our dinner everyday.

one of my mom's borders offered to assist the little girl with her homeworks and study and although i do like to do that with her, i welcomed the kind help, silently thanking God for all of the good things that He's giving me and my family.

it surprised me that i could actually do things by myself.  and the things that i can't do, i am able to ask for help.  and i felt more fulfilled than i ever was.  it's tiring, i admit, waking up at 4:30am everyday, squeezing everything we have to do the whole day to be able to put the kids to bed at 9:00pm.  but i do get a little "me" time too, a quick browse through facebook, an online old movie, sewing my kids' names on their hankies, game of thrones during lunch time at work, a new lipstick... a quick quip on twitter and this blog.  i guess i just might be blogging a lot more than i used to.

i feel like i'm starting over.  love life!

Resilience is the ability to work with adversity in such a way that one comes through it unharmed or even better for the experience. Resilience means facing life’s difficulties with courage and patience – refusing to give up. It is the quality of character that allows a person or group of people rebound from misfortune, hardships and traumas.

Resilience is rooted in a tenacity of spirit—a determination to embrace all that makes life worth living even in the face of overwhelming odds. When we have a clear sense of identity and purpose, we are more resilient, because we can hold fast to our vision of a better future.

I WILL...

happy new year!


i obviously have not blogged (guilty as charged) since the end of 2011.  no excuses.  i've been sorting out this life of mine for the new year and been tweeting a lot of my thoughts instead of here.

spent the first day of the year at the penthouse home with both relatives on my side and hubby's side.  it was an easy parting with 2011.  i'm leaving behind the not so good things that happened to my work and our family and am looking forward to a better year.

i'm not writing down resolutions this year because they usually stay just that -- written promises.  my desktop wallpaper right now says: 

and so, this year 2012, I WILL:

1.  find a new job  (a better one) - not necessarily employment but a new source of income.  it may be prospering the business i already have or transferring to a better company.  

2. grow that t-shirt printing business we started last year by a more aggressive online marketing and personal attention to recommended customers

3. buy / sell children's wear and accessories (also online) through the existing online store of my t-shirts

4.  lose the love handles around my waist - by getting on the treadmill again

5. improve the canteen facilities and food, thus, better income

6. have better skin (by that, i need to cleanse and moisturize daily and not forget my vitamins.  also, lessen causes of stress)


7. go abroad with the little big man for his first international taekwondo tournament.  (mom told me i should make this happen and that boosted my spirits even more to really strive that the whole little family gets to go on this trip.)


8.  be happy.


and since i'm turning 40 this year, (yes you don't have to rub it in because i am not at all bothered)  i'm so psyched to make things REALLY happen for me and my little family.  all by God's WILL.

year ender

and just like that, my favorite time of the year has come and gone.  i've literally waited all year for december, believing that things always get better this season.  the last stretch was the worst time and it made me glad that things worked out eventually.  all in God's time.  i knew i should just believe in His plans.

some really good things happened over the christmas holiday though.  material things.  the new ipad 2, the new refrigerator, the goodies the family got from family and friends, the baguio trip.  spiritually, i believe the little family has gone a little more deeper in faith.  

and as 2011 comes to a close, here's hoping for a brighter year ahead.  looking forward to another new beginning.  and making things right.  abundance!!!!

conversations (the trick question)

after we turned off the lights last night and the little girl was all snuggled and comfy beside me, her brother the little big man on her other side while her dad the hubby on his newly-purchased matress on the floor beside our bed:

mommy, sinong mahal mo?

~~~~~~~~~~~
backgrounder:  the little girl is obsessed about knowing that i love her most.  she constantly needs reaffirmation of this fact and usually asks randomly like that.  i used to reply to this question with my truest, safest answer, which is kayong dalawa ng kuya mo.  to which she would disagree and would insist that i choose only one.  and i would tell her that i cannot choose only one because i love them both equally -- as my son and as my daughter.  

usually, conversations like these are open-ended and it disappoints her that she is not loved more than her brother.  but i stand by my answer.  until a couple of months or so ago, i was talking with the little big man and we happened to discuss this issue.  i told him that whenever his sister asks this question, i have a hard time with her.  and he told me it's ok with him to tell her (or make her believe) that she is more loved than he. he understands because she's still young and cannot decipher yet.  but he does know i've loved him for 9 years now and his sister for 5 and it will be ok for him to hear that i love his sister more than he, for the sake of his sister's satisfaction.  he is confident enough that i love him as much, period.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

so last night, upon popping the question, the little big man and i nudged each other knowingly.  while i know in the darkness, the hubby breaks into a smile.


so i answered, alam mo naman sagot di ba?


and she goes, eh basta sagutin mo yung tanong ko.  sinong mahal mo?  may kasunod pang tanong dun.


so i rolled my eyes and hugged her to me and proudly said,  syempre ikaw.

WAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! in the silence and darkness of our bedroom, she literally bawled and broke into tears.  i jumped up and gathered her in my arms to comfort her only to be pushed away by her little arms and hands as she shouted dejectedly,  hindi mo ko mahal, hindi mo ko mahal!!!


i tried to calm her, asking her why was she reacting that way when i was sure it was the answer she wanted to hear.


kase yung susunod na tanong ko, sinong pinakamahal mo!  (more sobs, tears and stomping of her feet in the air, and crossing of her arms so i couldn't make her hug me back)   hindi ako pinakamahal mo!


then, laughter.  from the hubby her dad.  from the little big man her brother.  while i tried to suppress mine, it still came out and broke her heart even more.  she cried some more while i still tried to hug her to me.  


pinagtatawanan nyo pa ko! hindi nyo ko mahal lahat kayo!


later, after some explanations, she calmed down.


ang daya mo naman kase.  trick question na nga yung una, may second trick question pa pala.


this kid -- she's just impossible aint she?  :-D  this story i will add to my imaginary box of cute memorable conversations with the little girl.  together with the story of the upo and blast from the past.

A child can ask questions that even a wise man cannot answer.

- Author unknown

look! a rainbow!

this morning, on the cab on our way to the little big man's school we saw this:

sorry it's blurred, i was inside a moving vehicle when i shot this.  it's a rainbow, in case you can't recognize it. it's special because it's a full arch -- as in half a circle which sent me a lot more positive vibes.

last night was another restless night.  i was finally able to download "Sound of Music" for my mom.  yes, the 1965 classic which she has been requesting since about two weeks ago when i also had restless nights. funny how i am able to accomplish things when there are restless nights.  so ok, i'm being redundant.  but my life *has* actually become redundant with the burden that God is putting me through right now.  i know this will pass and i am hanging on.  i don't know His plans for me and my family but i believe if He put me to this, He'll get me through this.  

another "good" thing about these restless nights is that i am also able to watch the new tv series that i want (new girl, 2 broke girls) and update on the old ones i missed (glee, big bang theory) because no one is bugging me to watch other shows.  i am able to sleep at whatever time i want and go on the internet until forever.  my kids' nanny has been helpful, both physically and emotionally and i am grateful for the time we spend talking and she giving me encouragement.  who would've thought she could become my friend?  my mom had nothing but kind words of hope and support and surprisingly, my dad is calmer and only wishes me to handle this with compassion.

i've looked through the internet for ways to help myself and my little family and i know with time and patience, we will overcome this.

so like in my last post, this post is testament to my faith in the rainbow after the rain, the silver lining behind every cloud and a happier me once all this is over.

God measures a person with the burden He puts on him.  

So when we feel our load is heavier than the rest, 

be happy for God sees us stronger than the rest.

-SMS sent by chinggu just this morning

Notes:
Week before Migo's bday, 10k?? Forgot
Week before Oct 23, Nem's wedding, 6k
Nov 8 - 17, 16k
Nov 23 - 25, 2k

choose to be happy

as much as a lot of things should be depressing me right now, i am choosing to be happy.  a lot of things are happening that are not favorable, if not downright unpleasant and unwanted.

work, for one thing, has become a roller-coaster ride gone awry.  by that, you'd think i'm exaggerating.  but no.  it has indeed become the weirdest place on earth.  there have become new policies, restrictions and people who i cannot fathom as to why those things happened.  sorry to say, boss, if you're reading this.  i have been dedicated to my job in the company for the last 5 years.  5 YEARS!  most of the things promised me years ago have gone to naught and some benefits i had were retracted.  in its place, doubts to an upward career path.  i'm not ungrateful though.  there are some things that the company has given like the 5pm off in place of my favorite flexi schedule.  (i hated it when they told us no more flexi schedule but like all lowly employees, i did not have a choice!)  

this morning, it took me the whole ride to the little big man's school before i decided if i wanted to go to work or not.  coz i honestly, did NOT want to.

i do not wish to enumerate anymore because, like i said, i'm choosing to be happy.  i will look forward to a better day today.  maybe clean my table and start fresh or something.  

or maybe, i'll go home by lunchtime. 

Man is fond of counting his troubles but he does not count his joys.  

If he counted them up as he ought to, 

he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.

~Fyodor Dostoevsky

stormy tuesday

last night, it was announced that there won't be classes today because of the coming typhoon pedring (international name nesat).  i knew immediately that i won't be going to work as well.  i just don't want to risk going out because of the floods in the city.  and it's always a perfect cuddling day with the kids because we'll all be home together.

early in the morning, we were poised to watch PGT (pilipinas got talent -- yes the little family  are suckers for pgt) videos on youtube.  then the power went out.

so what to do?  no computer, no tv, no cellphone charger!

we PLAYED!  literally.  kids did 2-hour taekwondo training with the hubby.  and we hung around the house, laughing, telling jokes, hugging.  best part was, the kids put glue on their hands, waited for it to dry and peeled them off.  that, i say, was fun.  pointless, but fun.  wasteful, but still, fun.

i know it's sort of insensitive to be so happy today while some people out there are being whipped by the storm.  i really feel sorry for them and our family always prays for the less fortunate.  this is how our garden looked like today:

oh and by the way, the door going up our floor got wrecked.  my brother's mechanic left it open and since the winds of pedring were so strong, it banged itself until it dislodged itself from the hinges.  the hubby tried to temporarily fix it until my dad's carpenter comes but my dad went upstairs to visit us and couldn't put it back.  and as he came in to get help, the door banged itself one last time, and the glass broke together with the jalousies.

so much for a happy, stormy day.

heart problem

it was too easy to find the doctor's clinic near the old city municipal building, in front of the signage that reads PULIS.  the weather wasn't too hot, a little bit windy in fact.  i was calm.

less than a week before, the bad news was spilled out to me and had to wait for this day to confirm the truth to this.  i had so many morbid thoughts about it.  one night, i couldn't even sleep thinking about it.  i even got teary eyed upon reading something about living only up to five years.  

so after one and a half hours, the secretary finally summoned me to the doctor's office as it was already my turn.  the heart doctor had a kind face with chinky eyes and a nice smile.  he asked me why i was there and i presented to him the medical findings and the ECG result.  he looked it over and asked me about my family's medical background, if i smoked, if i drank liquor, if i was into sports.  to all of which, i replied no.  he grinned.

he stood up and put his stethoscope on my back and listened.  then he asked me to lie on his examination table.  more listening.  and me breathing, in, out..... in, out.....

it turned out i wasn't sick at all.  the doctor and i with hubby ended up laughing at how paranoid i had been for the past week.  he even kidded, in exasperation, "your mom kept calling me, i was playing tennis!"  i realized my mom was probably worried about it too but didn't show it, just as i didn't let it show too.

and so, for now, i can rest assured that i will live to see the day my kids become adolescents to which a week ago, i almost thought i won't.  i will still have the chance to earn my first million.  i will still be able to go back to running and aerobics, maybe shift to kickboxing or something more rigorous.  i will still be able to do a lot of things i have yet to write on my bucket list.  for now, i am more than thankful that i am healthy and i am happy. thank God!

monday dinner

so it was a monday and a holiday in our little country and the four of us -- the hubby, the little big man, the little girl and me -- went to dine out, for the heck of it.  mainly coz we didn't have househelp during weekends and holidays  and hubby didn't want to cook.  and y'all know i don't.

so in our pambahay and tsinelas, we went al fresco at chow king -- a couple of hundred steps just outside our home.

migo had fever since sunday night but still had an appetite so we decided to get him one of his favorites, sweet and sour pork.  no softdrinks, thank you.  i'm proud of him that he is not into that.

julla was her usual self, trying her mighty best not to eat anything.  i force fed her some siomai and tiny bits of pork with sweet and sour sauce mixed in with rice by bribing her that she won't get any lollipops tomorrow.

and their dad?  well, he pretty much ate everything up just as he usually does.  since i don't eat much during dinner, he gets to consume my share of the meal.

i like it that we have these simple feasts.  it makes me secure that this little family is well-bonded and happy.

marriage and then some

today is a testimony of my love for him more than ever.  ok, i promise this won't be cheesy.  just a matter-of-fact translation of what i actually feel right now.

i was thinking this morning on my way to work, that i've already accepted his mistakes and shortcomings.  yes, after almost 9 years i am finally able to cope.  i guess.  i hope. 

there was a time when i almost gave up on this marriage.  and today i think that experience made our bond stronger.  and all the negative things that happened and may still be happening has brought us to a new level in our relationship, a deeper understanding of our many conflicting personalities that i realized, compliment each other.  like now, his bad temper makes me appreciate when he is extra sweet.  when he does things that are wrong for me, i am reminded of the many right things he does.  when he sometimes scolds the kids excessively, i know he loves them more than they'll ever know.  sometimes, he can be a bit offensive with his words but this is put to good use when he is defending me and our family.  which makes me secure that he will always protect us.  through the years, he has learned to apologize sincerely.  

today his imperfections became the perfect tools for me to decide to love him more.  after all, marriage is not just love, it's a decision. 

julla onstage

and so the much anticipated (by me and hubby) ballet recital was held last friday.  it was actually great.  all the money and effort of the last eight weeks, especially by hubby, were all worth it as we saw our little julla strutting her stuff onstage.  she didn't miss a cue, her confidence level was at a maximum and her pride in herself was overwhelming.  it was definitely HER moment.

yes, i am again, one proud mommah!

the dynamics of chari's stress

my status message last saturday in my facebook account goes: "....is stressing and de-stressing alternately."

last night, i finally found the right words to describe my present life, so i changed it to: "...is *still* stressing and de-stressing alternately."

this lifestyle is becoming unhealthy. i can become manic depressive anytime now. i need to get out of this. asap. but how does a helpless little girl like me defend herself from the outside world that permeates through the innermost recesses of her if-left-by-itself-contented heart?

my mom once told me that how i deal with my life is really a matter of choice. so i have to choose to be happy. i have to find joy in the simplest things and see the beauty in each person that i encounter. when i have a difficult situation in my hands, i should remember that no pain comes to anybody without a purpose.

so that should be enough to get me out of this rut i am feeling. but i'm in it one day then out the next...in again, out again..... yes, it's crazy. but everyday i get these unwanted feelings about my work and the things i'm supposed to accomplish.

good thing, my life at home has become quite stable these past two weeks. things are looking up for my hubby's business and we see some bright lights ahead. but in my career, i am in a tunnel waiting for when the exit will appear. or if it will appear at all. don't get me wrong. i love my job. i'm good at what i do, of that i am sure. but there's politics everywhere and it blurs the horizon for me. i am not the type who would try to get to the top at the expense of others and it so hurts me to see other people get stepped on. then again, i would tell myself, positively, that i should just let it go. don't let negative stuff affect me. so i feel better for a while. then, it creeps back into my system again. and the cycle continues...

so i await the day that i get over this. meatime, i de-stress...