back online

it's been a month since we transfered to our new home and was not connected to the internet. just two days ago, our connection is on again and i am finally freely able to access anytime i want at home.

things have been quite easier for me this past month. i wish i could say the same for migo. recently, he's been complaining that our new house is too plain, lacks furniture, boring...(well, that was before we got internet access) i told him he only thinks we lack furniture coz he was used to our old place which was very small so it seemed full of furniture. now that we have more space and still the same furniture, it seems a little bare. julla seems to enjoy the new place though. what with lots of floor area to throw around her toys, and lots of people everyday because of our customers. she's getting accustomed to strangers talking to her, making funny faces at her or pinching her cheek.

hubby cesar is a revelation. he's been actively working and giving his all to our new business and i am proud of him. well, he doesn't know that so anyway, maybe i should tell him.

our life changed drastically over the last month. i am hoping and praying it's gearing up for the better. i always knew God did things in His own time. and i am thankful for the graces.

our new dwelling

so we moved to the new dwelling last wednesday, 04 june 2008. the first three days were utter chaos until the 4th day when there was already some semblance of a home. by sunday, we were going to early morning mass as a family, contented and thankful to God for our new living space.

it's our second week now and so far, things are getting better. although our living room is still stacked with softdrink bottles and the big videoke machine and we're still waiting for its pullout. but the shelves are already installed and the books put in their places. the aquarium has a new perch that looks really great at night when its light is turned on. we have yet to layout the walls with our different picture frames, migo's drawings, migo's certificates and what-have-yous. oh, and yes, we placed that frame with the praying hands with the inscription "god bless our home" on top of the door frame leading to the bedroom.

the bedroom so far is the best place to hang around in. the tv set is still there with the ps2 and dvd player so we spend some late nights watching movies. the computer is there too but we don't have internet connection yet so it's virtually useless right now. our wardrobe cabinet is just unbelievable because we got so much space! far cry from our old cabinet in the old dwelling.

so soon, i'll be talking about new furniture, i hope. but for now, we have to save money again. but i'm super glad everything's fine.

ABUNDANCE!

i attended this supposedly life-enriching 3-hour seminar last tuesday. meant to write about it but postponed it until today. many of the topics discussed were actually things many of us already know but fail to apply in our lives. i, for one, am guilty.

here are a few things though that i want to remember, and purposely implement in my life right now. this can be what you can call my mid-year resolutions.

*when you give, it comes back.
now, i will never, ever hesitate to give anybody anything that i know i am capable of giving. i will always be reminded of the scene where the hand that is holding on to something gives away what it is holding, only then is it able to receive an even greater thing.

*attitude decides the result. my "yes" means the job is half-done.
now, i will always, always think positive about everything. yes, i can rant for a few minutes in a negative situation but i will immediately make a turn-around and CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY, accept things that i cannot change, and GO WITH THE FLOW.

*control: my thoughts, words, anger, appetite, sexual desire.
now, i will start eating oatmeal either for breakfast or for dinner. i have to keep healthy as i know i am in my middle age already (boy, that was hard to admit!) and i have to control my appetite now more than ever.

abundance!! my shoutout for the second half of 2008!

migo, julla and ronald

so we were at mcdonald's sometime this past week.

i admit the only reason we decided to eat there was for the toys that go (supposedly free) with the happy meal. migo got himself a toy car and julla a rotating ball, something like that used by a gypsy. as of today, i think both toys are lost somewhere either under our bed or in the toybox.

sometimes i wonder why, despite knowing that buying them these toys is useless and a waste of precious hard-earned money, i still do. they have fun with it for a few minutes while at the resto but end up as part of a whole sea of mess once it gets home.

but still...

hubby and me

one of our...what should i call it... bonding days.

we went to quiapo church. a short prayer and off we went to our suppliers for our new business. years ago, he and i prayed at this same church when we requested for our first baby. little did we know that i was already pregnant at the time we were there. even if he didn't tell me, i know he prayed for our business. as i did. for it to become successful, for it to be a good source of providing for our family, for it to be our bond. aside from our marriage, that is.

we capped off the day with going to the grocery to buy a couple of items for the kids. nido fortified for migo, lactum 1+ and eq dry diapers (now size large finally) for julla. kids' shampoo, kids' toothpaste, kids' toothbrush, kids' body powder and kids' cologne. and two 1-liter bottles of C2 apple. a quick fastfood dinner of sharksfin and rice.

now home, he's downstairs chatting with friends, making the most of the time we have left in this community. pretty soon when we move to our new home and our new endeavor, he won't have much time for friends anymore.

but i know we're both happy with the way things are heading. things are definitely looking upfor this little family!

american idol season 7

david cook is the new american idol. although i would've liked archuleta to win but anyway, cook does look more the part than archuleta, so there.

this is the 2nd season that i was hooked on this show. the first time was season 5 during the time of taylor hicks, katharine mcphee, chris daughtry and eliot yamin.

oh well, congratulations to david cook and to all dc fans!

julla's (1st quarter of) 2008 dictionary

julla, at 2 years old, is learning to communicate everyday. nowadays we are able to understand her better and the frustration of trying to make us comprehend her babbles has become less and less. here are some of her recent memorable words...

try calling her over the phone one of these days and you'd sure get a kick out of the conversation.

A'MAN - ako naman (tagalog); it's my turn (english)
she understands the concept of taking turns with her brother. that's why she knows when it's time for her to go on the rocking chair, swing on her dad's arms, slide on my legs...after her brother

ABO - takbo (tagalog); run (english)
she doesn't run a lot. in fact, whenever outside, she'd rather be carried by her tita. but when she feels like it, she can run real fast for her age.

ANIG - makinig (tagalog); listen to me (english)
she's becoming quite a story-teller these days. and she demands that you "anig" to her or she will bug you.

ATAY (ah-tay rhymes with WHY) - patay (tagalog); dead (english)

this started when we acquired a fish tank 2 months ago. first we had a dozen guppies that died one by one in a week. so hubby bought yellow mollies. everyday, julla voluntarily feeds the mollies until one day, she found one of them, again, "atay."

AYA (ah-yah) - kuya (tagalog); older brother (english)
ALO (ah-loh) - migo (her brother's name)
several names she calls her older brother

EPEK (eh-pek) - tapik (tagalog); pat (english)

whenever she is ready to go to sleep, she lies on her tummy or sideways and asks me or her dad or her tita or her AYA (but usually me) to "tapik" her round behind

EPER - paper
EESIL - pencil
one of her and her brother's favorite pastimes is drawing

'EMPTR - computer
my gaddd! she just pushed the power button of the cpu!

EYE! EYE! EYE! - yes, her eyes

she says this repetitively, whenever we turn the lights out at bedtime. she seems to mean that her eyes can't see in the darkness so we're compelled to turn the lights back on

IKYOU - thank you
she's good at this

'NDE HA - sandali ha (tagalog); wait for a while (english)

this is usually with matching wave of the hand, palms out and the cutest facial expression in the world, that you would be more than willing to wait for her, however long it takes

SOWI - sorry
she says this while she touches your face....awwwww...she's so adorable!! "ok, ok i forgive you"

TATA (tah-tah) - tita; auntie
recently, she is able to pronounce "tita" perfectly

TAT - cat
i think this is her favorite animal coz she screams in delight whenever she sees strays around our building

ONE, TWO, TEA..... PURR, PIED, XIX, EBEN, EYT, NAYN, TEN!
yes, she can count! usually up to three. but up to ten, when prodded.


words that need no explanation:

pish - fish
doos - juice
bang bang - gun
pupu - yes, her or anybody else's poop
slip - sleep
atyat - go up
welet - wallet
bug - bag
aten yaan - that's mine
epun - electric fan
alaw - light
harap - face here
dito - here
agat - bite
dede - milk
mama - my mom; her grandma
papa - my dad; her grandpa
ama - my ima; her grand-ima
ninong / ninang - her godparents

happy thoughts

so today, i decided to relax and not think about the nasty things in life.

i start by thinking of the blessings i have despite the trials and hardships. first and foremost, my kids.

migo will start 1st grade this june. he's only turning 6 y/o in august but well, as you know, he started going to school at 2. me and his dad are mighty proud of him. over the summer, he gained weight (i think) coz his chest and arms and legs are bigger and i guess he grew taller too. (i better check his height later.) he's becoming more and more smart alecky, i don't know if that's good or bad. he is so talkative and bubbly and sweet. sometimes, he can be a bit naughty but nothing that me and his dad can't handle.

julla turned 2 y/o last april. the sweet little thing is starting to talk in phrases now and can be a little blabbery at times. i should write a julla's 2008 dictionary for my next post. she's starting to eat more now and i think she's an itsy bitsy bit taller. (our neighbor's kid from the first floor is 1 year old but taller and heavier than julla.) she likes to sleep by herself and is bothered if any part of her body is in contact with another human being. so unlike migo who snuggles to my armpit everytime he sleeps. well, that's one of their major differences, if you could call it that.

secondly, hubby and i are doing business again. this was my dad's and brother's store and it was turned over to us this month for new management. we have a lot of bright ideas for this and we are very positive about the future of this business. by june, we're going full blast and i really hope everything works out as planned, and forecasted.

consequently to this, we're moving to a new dwelling. the 2nd floor of the commercial space of the store will be turned into a residential area......yes, for us. so we're moving house again after 3 or so years. i do recall that i started this blog and called it "our dwelling" the time we were moving to this house where we are now. so is it time to move on to a new blog too? maybe make a more commercially appealing blog, to generate extra income. hmmm...something i've been mulling over for the last couple of months. well, maybe when i'm in the new house, i'll decide.

survival

was chatting with my bff soul twin just now.

bff st: how are ya
me: i'm good. you?
bff st: surviving
me: surviving is good enough
bff st: sometimes
me: coz some people don't
bff st: but it can be borderline kinda thing
me: yep, have to do something, not just survive though. me too
bff st: yeahhh. scales are tipped. gotta bring it back to a decent balance you know
me: right you should. we should

only we can talk this way in phrases but understand each other completely. we're worlds apart. she's in california, i'm in quezon city philippines. but neither time nor distance can change the spiritual bond we have. so we survive life's daily grind knowing somewhere out there, someone shares the same survival instincts... and understands.

the dynamics of chari's stress

my status message last saturday in my facebook account goes: "....is stressing and de-stressing alternately."

last night, i finally found the right words to describe my present life, so i changed it to: "...is *still* stressing and de-stressing alternately."

this lifestyle is becoming unhealthy. i can become manic depressive anytime now. i need to get out of this. asap. but how does a helpless little girl like me defend herself from the outside world that permeates through the innermost recesses of her if-left-by-itself-contented heart?

my mom once told me that how i deal with my life is really a matter of choice. so i have to choose to be happy. i have to find joy in the simplest things and see the beauty in each person that i encounter. when i have a difficult situation in my hands, i should remember that no pain comes to anybody without a purpose.

so that should be enough to get me out of this rut i am feeling. but i'm in it one day then out the next...in again, out again..... yes, it's crazy. but everyday i get these unwanted feelings about my work and the things i'm supposed to accomplish.

good thing, my life at home has become quite stable these past two weeks. things are looking up for my hubby's business and we see some bright lights ahead. but in my career, i am in a tunnel waiting for when the exit will appear. or if it will appear at all. don't get me wrong. i love my job. i'm good at what i do, of that i am sure. but there's politics everywhere and it blurs the horizon for me. i am not the type who would try to get to the top at the expense of others and it so hurts me to see other people get stepped on. then again, i would tell myself, positively, that i should just let it go. don't let negative stuff affect me. so i feel better for a while. then, it creeps back into my system again. and the cycle continues...

so i await the day that i get over this. meatime, i de-stress...

the 35th

It's my hubby's birthday...he's 35. Well, we've come a long way. We've known each other for like 13-14 years. It's been a roller-coaster ride. We've certainly had our ups and downs and sometimes I must admit, I still wonder if I made the right decision to marry him. But usually, at the end of the day, I would always tell myself that I love him anyway and I would always want to take care of him.

air bender

So it happened on a Good Friday. It’s late evening and Migo was on the first episode of Avatar on dvd, that anime about an air bender and how he’s supposed to end war in the world. We were sharing a noodle soup, Migo and me and a small tumbler of Pepsi, leftover from the Pizza Hut lunch we had the day before.

Then Migo points at the TV antenna resting on top of the dvd player. The TV was right beside the dvd player.

He goes, “Short hand and long hand” referring to the V-shape the antenna formed.

Then he points at the clock directly above it. And goes, “Short hand and long hand.” His dad and I look at the clock and finds the short hand at 10 and the long hand on 2.

This is what the scene looked like:

I’m not saying my boy’s a genius. But a 5-year old kid gotta have a great deal of meat inside his head to notice something like that and make a relation. What's it called in those IQ exams? Spatial ability? It could be the artist in him, it could be anything. But he aint an air bender. I wouldn’t want him to be one either.

And I am writing this down for the record. I'm one proud momma! 21 March 2008

chef chari on the loose!

so before the tuna and toenail tragedy, there was supposed to be the "moment" when plain old me turns to chef chari. so this is my blog entry about it.

the can of tuna was really meant for me to cook. when i took it off the shelf from the grocery, i already knew i was the one who will put it on the stove a few days after. something about that can told me that it should be the start of something new. (to the tune of high school musical)

anyhow, i found the perfect recipe on the internet. the step by step instruction was easy enough for me to comprehend. the dish turned out fine but nothing exceptional. migo said it was ok. cesar said it was ok. so i guess..... i should try a new recipe!

yesterday, it was sinigang na baboy day. another free consultation on the world wide web and off i go. it tasted ok. again, just ok. cesar did say it was good enough. the only problem was that i put the gabi last together with the leafy veggies so the gabi didn't soften. cesar said later i should've put it in together with the pork.

anyway. so i cooked a second time this month. so i'm living up to my secret new year's resolution. or should i say, i'm starting to accomplish one of my secret goals for 2008. i hope i get to accomplish ALL my secret goals. i won't write them down but will just write them when i've accomplished them already. that way, no one knows if i get a passing score or not. and i can only have myself to blame if i don't.

the tuna and toenail tragedy

julla broke her left big toenail.

friday night, i was preparing a tuna dinner. i left the can of tuna on top of the dining table while thawing the combination of green peas, diced carrots and corn kernels. (YES, I WAS GOING TO COOK DINNER! and cesar was proud of me, but that's another blog entry...)

so there i was busy with my "moment" because as you all know (or not know yet), i don't know how to cook. i searched the internet that evening for a good canned tuna dish and i was excited and sort of proud of myself. suddenly, a loud scream. no, more like a short, high-pitched yelp, followed by loud, ear-splitting wailing which could only come from julla.

then there she was, pointing at her bleeding toe. and it bled like crazy, i didn't know what to do! hydrogen peroxide and balls of cotton! wailing julla in the background while i rummaged through my cabinet with all the bottles of cologne, lotion, contact lens cleaner, etc already in disarray even before the rummage. she wailed and wailed like an ambulance siren. while silly me, trying desperately to stop the bleeding. and her brother, migo, looking over my shoulder and breathing a loud "eeewwwww!" then darting away, lest he gets this communicable disease that his little sister acquired.

30 minutes later. a hiccuping julla, drained from all the crying, but quiet finally. her big toenail, cracked crosswise, 3/4 of it might eventually chip off.

damn, i hope the remaining 1/4 grows out nice and smooth just as it has always been. i don't want her to be eventually all grown up and pretty... but hiding an ugly toe.

http://www.mylot.com/?ref=chari_dc

i hear many have earned from this site by simply starting or responding to discussions so i wanna share it with you. so far, i've only earned $2.96 so i'm getting there. just click here as my referal:

http://www.mylot.com/?ref=chari_dc

here's an example of a discussion i responded to....

POSTED ON MYLOT.COM:

What do you do on those days when you are just in a funk you cant get yourself out of? How do you keep youself happy? Or cheer yourself up when you are not? For me the best thing to do is talk to someone about it, another thing I love to do is write, and listen to music.

MY RESPONSE:

CHOCOLATE always, always does the trick for me.

but when i'm around a computer, going online also helps. usually, when i'm online, time is suspended as if everything else around me stops. i usually chat with someone, write on my blog, post on mylot, forward nice emails, upload photos, i can do almost anything i want. and somehow, i forget my problem. and for a few e-moments, i am happy.

now when there's no computer around, i try to read a book that i've read before. it's like renewing an old friendship because i already know what's in it but it's retold to me again. and for a few literary moments, i am happy.

going to the mall and shopping also helps. but sometimes, i end up splurging so i end up more unhappy coz i lost money that i'm supposed to save. but there's something about shopping and buying something you like but don't need that gives a girl a certain lift in spirit. it's like accomplishing or fulfilling something. oh i don't know how to put it.

right now, i am actually not so happy so i'm glad i'm here online...on mylot.

christmas eve

sitting on the light blue and white kiddie rocking chair, trying to squeeze in my 36" size hips, in front of the computer. waiting... waiting...

he lies flat on the 3" thick foam mattress on the living room floor, sound asleep, snoring. fell asleep while waiting... waiting...

kids playing to their heart's content on the brand new 8" light blue salem mattress bought earlier. waiting... waiting...

there's never been a longer afternoon.

finally, the R-type bed we've all been wanting was purchased earlier today as a christmas gift to the family. to ourselves, for a good year that has passed. well, we can't say it's been a good time all year round. there've been problems here and there: misunderstandings, petty fights, money splurges, asthma attacks, fevers, coughs and colds for migo and julla... but we got through all of that and that's what's important. it's christmas eve and we're together and we're happy.

now all that's missing is that R-type bed that was supposed to be delivered at 3pm and now it's already 5:40!! so here we are... waiting... waiting...

when that thing arrives, we're off to midnight mass and christmas dinner at my mom & dad's house.

merry christmas everyone!! hope you're with family, or at least, the ones you love...

air of christmas

the cold wind blew my hair, covering almost half my face as i pushed the pink stroller-cum-bike with little julla riding on it. from a few meters away, migo and some kids are arguing about whose turn it is to ride his blue bike. blinking lights witness this late afternoon activity here in our condo grounds. teenagers practicing a number probably for a christmas party. undoubtedly christmas is just around the corner...

migo got a new bike today. a blue bike that has a sidecar on it so that, according to him, he will be able to drive his sister around and other kids too. julla got what she's been longing for -- that pink stroller-and-bike-in-one, the one that has a handle at the back for an adult to push it around but at the same time, has pedals so she can ride it by herself later on.

we were supposed to go buy christmas gifts for my officemates, have my hair cut and styled, get myself a nice outfit for our office party and shoes to go with it too. that was the plan. that was the agenda for the day. and in consideration, since they were accompanying me, alright, we'll buy toys for them too. small inexpensive toys. this is supposed to be "my day" so we'll spend it my way.

but the day ended with their 2 bikes, well worth over the budget intended for my haircut, clothes and gifts. and all i got was a silver pair of flats bought at 50% off its original price -- not something for the office party.

i am happy. to see the glow in the faces of my 2 kids is enough for me to be content with not getting what i want. instead, them getting what they want. the money left is enough to last us till next payday but i don't mind. i'm just glad that i did what i did today.

love

got this from a forwarded email.....

"No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
No one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE."

questions

when do you say enough is enough?
when should the last straw be drawn?
when is the time to give it up?
when do you stop hanging on?
when will you stop keeping the pain inside?
when will you learn to stand on your own two feet?
when is the right time to say goodbye?
when will you realize love is not enough?
when will you cry again now that you're numb?
when will you put your foot forward?
when will you say "that's it"?
when is it time?

work

today...well.... yesterday october 16, i am already 1 year working in f&h. i could say that over the last year, i've improved and gained more knowledge and at the same time, contributed a lot to the company's growth. i just hope my boss' evaluation of me will reflect that too.

a lot has been happening lately. sir doc, the owner just got back from a trip to europe and we've been in and out of meetings with him everyday since he got back on october 1st. and everyday since, i've been in front of my computer (whenever there's no meeting) trying to compute and re-compute our sales projections, ordered jeans, schedules of deliveries, which orders can be slid down to next year, etc. it has been a taxing past two weeks! to add to that, the pressure of the new policies being implemented by management and the impending politics being orchestrated by one or some. it's frustrating that on top of all the problems, some people still want to make life harder for most of us for some people's personal gain.

but like i said to my former office buddies, there definitely isn't a perfect company where you can work in. so we just have to accept these things and try to deal with it. if you can't beat 'em, join 'em..... or get the hell out.

misbehaving

i was called to a conference by migo's teacher last tuesday. it wasn't the best day of my career as a mother. i was told that migo has been misbehaving a lot over the last 3 weeks. he's been having a tendency of hurting his classmates, although most of the time unintentionally. he's become aggressive in his dealings with his classmates the same way we (cesar and i) have become "aggressive" in dealing with him. his teacher also told me that although he is bright and intelligent, he keeps on saying aloud answers during written quizzes or sometimes looks at a classmate's quiz paper and if he sees an incorrect answer, he tells him/her what the answer should be. of course he doesn't really know why that is wrong, i know he only means to be of help. but he always has to be reminded not to do this because it is to each his own during these circumstances. another thing his teacher told me is that he changes lyrics to songs they sing in school. i know he just wants to be funny and he doesn't realize that it is something that is not right to do too.

so later that day, i had a heart-to-heart talk with him to explain his mistakes. i tried to be as calm as possible, trying oh so hard not to blame him but instead encouraged him to do more good things than the not-so-good. cesar and i talked about it too and decided not to spank his butt anymore and just do our best to calmly talk to him whenever he misbehaves. of course, our patience is definitely going to be put to the test here, especially cesar's.

to date, migo is still misbehaving.... irregularly. which means, he is also behaving....irregularly. i hope with more patience and consistency on our part as parents, we will be able to help him be a better person. with god's help, i'm sure we can do this. our unconditional love for migo will make it work.

update!!

a lot has happened over the last two months since my last weblog. i don't know where to begin relating what i've been through. a lot of both positive and not-so-positive events. a lot of funny anecdotes with my kids and hubby. a lot of events and non-events at work. it doesn't seem like only 2 months have passed.

first, about that case. well, it turned out the other party didn't want the same hassles we had so the case was dropped. i regret that i worried so much about it but it turned out that i didn't have to fret at all. ("hayyy nako"... to quote the title of my last entry)

kids are getting bigger. julla is getting prettier everyday. here's her latest pic, taken only yesterday at my mom's mini garden....

she's learned to say "ayuuuu" (which means i love you), "eyuuu" which means thank you and "baba" which literally means she wants to go downstairs. she's everywhere in the house, on top of chairs, dining table, sofa and the ledge by the front window. she's hit her head a lot of times i already lost count. she's soooo malikot! even more malikot than her kuya migo. but she's soooo loveable too. we just adore her -- me, her dad and her kuya migo... and now, her tita crystal who takes care of her while i'm at work.

migo is getting a little hard to handle these days. his teacher has confiscated his ID which is an indication that he hasn't been behaving in school. his 1st quarter grades however are quite high but i'm afraid if he keeps up with his naughtyness, it might affect his academic status negatively. i know i have to do something fast. yesterday after a shopping trip wherein he was so noisy and unrestrained, i slapped his butt twice just to show him i meant it when i said he'd get something for not behaving. at first when i told him to lie on his tummy, butt up, he didn't think i was serious and tried to charm me with his wide grin. but i didn't let him dissuade me and went on with my "disciplinary action." it worked, i think. i know somehow he realized he can't get away with misbehaving from now on. oh, here's his brand new haircut about 3 weeks ago...

work... well, i think i'd have to make a separate entry about my work.... so maybe later then....

hay nakoooo!! (translation: deep exasperated sigh!!)

hindi ako masyadong masaya. nagpre-pretend lang ako na ok ako pero parang hindi ako ok. kung bakit naman kase bigla na namang lumutang ang problema namin na wini-wish ko na maglaho na nuon pa. kinalimutan ko na nga sya dahil nagho-hope ako na pag di ko na sya inisip, hindi na sya lalabas pa. pero nandito sya ngayon. out of nowhere, bigla na naman nyang prinisinta ang sarili niya sa buhay ng pamilya ko. bwisit ang mga taong nagdulot sa amin nitong problemang ito. nananahimik kami nuong bagong taon at ginulo nila ang buhay namin at sila pa ang may ganang magdemanda. leche sila. naiinis ako sa kanila.

ang totoo, natatakot ako sa kahihinatnan ng kaso. sa july 23 na yun and dapat as of today makausap na ang lawyer. para makapag-prepare para sa hearing. perwisyo talaga... sa oras, sa pera, sa emotional strain sa akin. hindi ko sinasabi kay swthrt ang nararamdaman ko kase ayaw kong panghinaan sya ng loob. pero takot talaga ko sa pwedeng mangyari. hindi ko mailabas sa kahit kanino. i have to be strong and i have to keep this to myself until this is over.

ang mga anak ko walang kamalay-malay sa nangyayari. i just keep them happy all the time. kahapon nga, despite the problem hanging over my head, dinala namin mga kids sa art angel show. di rin naman nasiyahan kasi ang daming tao pala ng mga ganung event. tapos nagpunta kami kina mommy may konting kainan kasi birthday ng anak ng kuya ko. sabi nila mommy & daddy ayusin daw namin at wag pabayaan yung kaso. sa isip-isip ko, "oo naman..." syempre ayaw kong maging negative ang kalabasan ng kaso na 'to. leche talaga yung mga taong yun. sana makarma sila agad. instant karma ba. come to think of it, baka nga karma nila ito baka madami na silang naargabyado and kami ang katapat nila. pero kasi parang kami yung inaapi dito eh. dapat talaga kami ang manalo sa kaso na 'to. nakakainis lang kasi masyadong abala sa amin.... tsaka yun nga emotional strain sa akin. masyado akong nalulungkot pag iniisip ko.

sus, napa-tagalog nga ako ng di oras dito sa blog dahil dun eh! please naman po, Lord, wag mo kami pabayaan.....

moment

julla fell from migo's rocking chair yesterday and hit the back of her head on some protruding screw from migo's scooter. the small wound bled but after cesar pressed on it, the bleeding stopped. it was good that cesar didn't panic and was calm as he quickly decided what to do. then he brought julla to the doctor.

i only found out about this when i got home. he didn't call me and thought he had everything under control and was useless since i cannot do anything about it anyway since i am at work.

last night, as julla lay sound asleep, i watched her slow, smooth breathing. very calm and relaxed. i checked if she had fever. i checked her wound at the back of her head. and since i was quite assured already that she was ok, i lay beside her and hugged her small body to me. i probably won't be able to take it if something bad happened to her. she and migo are so precious it's as if i lost everything if they were taken from me. i'd do anything to keep them protected and happy...

last week, migo was hit by mathew, that 3-year old bratty boy living in the unit at the opposite end of our floor. migo's nose bled and he started crying. when cesar saw this, he told him to hit back and so he did.

later, we were discussing this incident and i didn't agree that cesar told him to hit back. but cesar said migo should learn to defend himself and that if he let the other kid get away with it, it's like allowing him to do it again. which made sense to me although i insisted that another violence is not the answer to a mistreatment done to him. we told migo not to play with that kid again only to see him the following day running around with him again. ohhh, kids.... but i do hope he's learned his lesson and we'll just remind him to avoid that kid from now on.

the irony of black and white

these days i see in imported magazines how fair/white skinned people wanna get a tan. it's like the in thing. when i browse the fashion and beauty magazines, the tanning products and salons have heavy advertising. and i wonder why they would want it when all i ever really wanted all my life is to have fairer skin! dang these people...

what's up (email to russel)

nothing much to do right now. thought i'd drop you a line or two. kamusta ka na??? hindi mo na ko kwinentuhan....

kami dito... same old, same old. times are really tough but we're surviving. si migo, your inaanak, is going to senior kinder this june. whew...ang bilis noh. he's 4yrs and 9 mths old. si julla turned 1 last april 5. typical aries, mare... very strong-willed na bata, and to think, baby pa sya di ba pero ang strong ng personality. si migo is leo (august 13)...ganun din... king talaga, mahirap pasunurin but very malambing when he wants to be. i'm so proud of them (obvious ba) and they're my source of strength and joy. sana mapalaki ko sila ng maayos and sana ipagmalaki din nila ako pag laki nila and matanda na ako. parang "mommy ko yan... luv ko yan..." aheheheh....

sa work, i'm doing fine naman. found myself a nice company called "folded&hung" where i do...what else... denims...!! it's a local brand here doing retail. it's kinda one of "THE" brands locally these days. we have 28 company-owned stores in the malls and 7 or 8 franchisees. so far been here for 6 mths and doing quite ok. pay is better and i have less workload than before when i was with patrick. remember him?

hey...remember tray...travis... the guy whose name transformed me into trae in our troi&trae trip? i met him some time this year at starbucks here in t.morato. i didn't know it was him and he was the first to recognize and approach me. ...."uhmmm....chari capili???" he goes.

i turn and see this tall guy ( i didn't realize he was so tall) with an expectant look in his eyes. he's not so handsome as he was back then so his face didn't register.

he beat his hand to his chest...."remember me?"

puzzled look from me....followed by an apologetic look.... "ssssorry...??"

he stomped his foot. "travis.... ano ba?! di mo na ko kilala???"

ding!!! troi&trae... my eyes light up. "tray!!! it's you." heheheheh

we hugged. chicka kmi konti afterwards. he was with his wife and would you believe...4 kids, all 1 year apart in age, alternate boy-girl-boy-girl. and cute nila. wish he'd seen my kids too kaya lang i was with my officemates on a weekday. he was visiting lang from australia where his family is already based. cool noh... i envy you guys who're out of pinas already. although i really don't know if you guys are having a hard time there too but it seems to be a whole lot better living in another place outside this country.

hey... write me. anything. just keep in touch dammit!

sick

i have the worst kind of sore throat right now. the itch is unbearable and my voice breaks everytime i speak. it's been on and off like this since the weekend but today is the worst. it's due to the sudden change in weather last week. for some reason, it rained last week and god a little cold. so kids and cesar and i packed up our blankets and spent thursday night in the living room with open windows. that got me. colds and cough the following morning. and it's been like this since.

last night, julla got fever already. i know she got it from me coz we sleep together. poor baby. but this morning, she was getting better. hope she doesn't get too sick. abd cesar's asthma fired up the week before last. it's crazy--this changeable weather.

new dwelling

here at the office, ms. v and i exchanged tables. we had our places cleaned and now i'm working on her table.

back at home, cesar and i are planning to move to another house. we'll start looking soon. chateau has become a small place for us and the kids... funny but 2 yrs back, we thought we'd all grow old there.

what's new

i can't believe my last weblog was in february! my... time flies by so fast when you're having fun, so the cliche goes.

much has happened over the last 2 months. work is fine. my family's fine. few glitches here and there but as always, generally, fine. migo and julla are growing bigger everyday. btw, julla turned 1 last april 5. had the simplest celebration ever with a small birthday cake and take out chinese food. it was simple but happy. she can walk now and blabbers all she wants. she smiles a lot now too, unlike before. migo is going to senior kinder this june. his grades drastically went down towards the end of his junior kinder year coz we had to move to my mom's house from january to march. we sort of neglected studying coz cesar and i got so busy with work while there. which prompted us to move back and him concentrating on work from home. we're back at chateau now. budget a little tighter but we're surviving. and migo has tamed down.

the heat is too much these days. summerrrrr. we have to turn on the airconditioning every night for the past 2 weeks so the kids could sleep better. i was telling cesar last night, we ought to be earning bigger money to sustain the daily airconditioning...hahaha...what with the high cost of electricity here in the philippines... ironic that we moved back with less financial sustainance but more financial obligations...

i got my hair styled last weekend. had it cut short. pretty cool, everybody said so. i feel so, too. i think i became younger by a couple of years heheheh...

i should mention that ima is so far still well. but she's on vacation now at her sister's house in pampanga. she really should get all the rest she needs. she still did housework at my mom's house eventhough they prohibit her from doing so. tigas-ulo. sipag kase and coz it's the only thing she could do and she'd probably feel useless if she didn't do anything. so last sunday, we brought her there, to stay for a couple of weeks. but mom said if she liked it there, she can stay for good. i feel kinda sorry for her, that she was in a way "put away" because she seems "useless" already but mom did say it's for her own good and nobody can take care of her while she's with them. oh anyway... oh well...

i can't wait till christmas. i just feel it will be a lot better this year. with the 2 kids growing and can appreciate the season even more. also, with the good karma that i've been getting the past months, i know it will be "good-er" in the next months. also, i will be done with my loan by august so more money to spend too.

god is good. that is my testimony forever. i am living proof. till my next log....

27 apr 2007

mommy matters

every single morning for the past few weeks has been nothing but stressful for me. i think i grew older by 5 years or so just by living this past month.

i literally don't have somebody to take care of my kids right now. yes, i've got ima right now but you know, she's old and weak. although, she's very willing to take care of them herself and won't admit that she's incapable of that. but since we started staying at my parents' home again this january, things sort of got a little topsy-turvy for me and cesar and the kids. first, we have to sleep in the makeshift bed in tyrone's room while waiting to move in to our new abode. yes, we're moving to a new dwelling... we're doing this for practical reasons, what with cesar doing work at yohanan.

but i digress. about my stressful life.... every morning, i wake up and julla wakes up too. she's so into me that she never, as in never, wants to leave my arms. just sitting her on my lap won't do for her. she literally wants to be always carried around. by me. nobody else but me. every morning, while carrying julla, migo wakes up whaling if not crying because he doesn't want to wake up yet and go to school, yet. which makes me try all means of persuasion until finally, all pent up emotions of frustration breaks loose and i give him a spanking or a loud scolding. some days, cesar is still there to help in this endeavor. some days, he has to leave early so i'm left to my own ways and means.

making migo take a bath is another episode of all means of persuasion, frustration and spanking/scolding. afterwhich, getting him to dress up for school -- another episode. all that, while i try to get myself fixed up for work while lugging along julla in one arm and brushing my teeth with the other. when finally, somebody (that is, my dad or ima) is available to take julla from me, i am all stressed out and ready to go back to bed and resign to the fact that i am not fit for work for the day. but no -- i take migo's hand and bring him to school -- late. but nontheless, i kiss him and ask him to behave and be good in school, wave and blow him kisses as he walks to his classroom.

now, left to myself, i take a deep sigh and head for work. as it seems, work has become easier than all that i have to deal with in the first 2 hours of the morning. so i breeze through the day. eventhough i have lots of work, i feel it's my relax time. almost 8 hours of pure bliss.

then at six p.m. i hurry home. not because i want to stress myself again but because i want to be with my kids and cesar again. i guess this is how it is. howver tired they make me, however less time i have for myself, i still want to be with them. sometimes, i wonder when will there be time for just me. me, myself and i. hmmm... but could be kinda lonesome without them around.

the new year

happy new year! although a bit late. i've no time to blog anymore. work has been overwhelming since the start of january. i'm not sure also if blogspot.com was put behind a firewall by our sys ad so i haven't done any blogging from the office. only now that i got some peace and quiet from my mommy chores did i get to open the computer, do some surfing, friendster and yes, blogger.

we started 2007 not so well. i hope it doesn't last the whole year, as some old folks believe. i don't wanna talk about what happened coz it caused such a strain on my psychological well-being that constantly reminding me of it depresses me. i just pray to God everything will work out right.

presently, cesar is the cook at yohanan. i don't know for how long coz we do plan to venture into the business on our own. sana soon... if finances allow, if God wills it.

migo and julla are growing everyday. migo is no longer a baby. he has qualities from his dad -- very brusque and street-smart. very opinionated and independent-minded. it's positive in a lot of ways but kind of hard to handle too. he's doing good in school albeit very makulit. he's been having some skin problems and it's driving me nuts. he always gets his hands dirty and gets sweaty and scratches every itchy inch of his body, thus, bruises and all. ugh.

julla, our pretty baby is getting prettier everyday. (thank God she doesn't look like me... although many say she does) however, since we've been staying at my mom & dad's house, she's had mosquito bites that caused dark spots on her legs and arms. ugh. my two kids with skin imperfections... sigh... if only i could always be there to take care of them.

but here i am, still the working mom with no choice. but i'm spending every minute of my time at home with them. hope this year brings my family a lot to be happy about.

christmas in the air

yup, only six days to go. glad i survived the hassles of the past year. hope to update this blog soon.

task at hand

it's been a good 5 days at f&h. i started last monday and so far, no major mishaps. funny but i've been expecting mishaps due probably to my occasional lack of confidence. i am in a totally different world now that i am in a new company with a new job. i've completely shifted my paradigm. (did i use the word correctly?) i am out of my comfort zone and feeling my way around. so far, i guess i'm doing alright.

the guys at f&h are different from the people i've been with at nfi. for one thing, most are younger than i am. most, if not all, are single, without kids. so what do we have in common so far? i haven't figured that out yet. they're all cool though. i like the "youth factor" coz most of my former officemates are in their 30s and nearing 40 and the conversation topics are way different. luckily, i can relate to both age groups. well, i think i can.

i'm praying i'd do good if not better. don't wanna waste the opportunity given to me. the task at hand is to luv this job or it won't luv me back!

sun, 22 oct o6, 3pm

what's best for you

recall: item #3 in my previous post entitled "interview blues"

i wrote there that i should've gone for an interview with a certain company. that company called me again last september 5 and interviewed me on september 6. nyarrr after more than a month... i think this is due to john's prodding. he's the friend i was talking about who said i was exactly what that company needed. (thanks, john. i owe you another one!)

anyway, as it turned out, I AM EXACTY WHAT THEY NEEDED. last tuesday, they confirmed that they want to hire me and want me to start october 1. well, i'm starting october 16th coz i told them i needed to turn over my work load at my present company first. they agreed. pay is better, the brand i'll be handling is better. i will be, effective october 16th, the product deveopment manager for the denim line of the brand folded&hung. is that cool or what?!!

patience brought me here. i thank god for this. i thank the our lady of peace in antipolo where i prayed hard for this. mama mary is truly my namesake.

on a side note, on september 8, i was on my way to an interview for an overseas job. i chanced upon a neighbor at chateau and we rode the bus together. i told him that i was going for an overseas job interview and that i am only doing this because i wanted to try it out but i am not really so crazy about going abroad. what he said just struck me. he said, "what's best for you may not always be good for you." i stared at him and just had to nod in agreement.

god moves in mysterious ways. i have proven time and again that He will always be in charge of the direction of my life. i may want things but it is He who will lead me to where i should go, what should i have and when it is time. (thanks, francis! for telling me just that.)

15 sept 2006 / 5:33pm

julla, our pretty duckling

she got her ears pierced yesterday (august 17) at the health center in front of our subdivision's gate. she looked real pretty with her new pearl earrings. have to post a pic asap.

everyday, i look at her and see how pretty she is. maybe it's because i'm her mom so i really think she's beautiful. but i asked cesar if this was the case, and he told me that julla's really pretty. well, he's probably just saying that because he's the dad. har-har... :-)

her personality is coming out everyday. i sometimes call her "sungit" coz she is always frowning. and boy, can she cry her lungs out! everytime she feels sleepy, she'd get all cranky and whine and cry. i actually learned to live with it -- the crying and all that coz i know if i rock her enough, she'll eventually fall sleep. now when she smiles....boy, she lights up my world! i noticed she often smiles when we face her up to a mirror. she probably knows she's pretty, hah! or maybe, since she doesn't smile as often as she frowns, it becomes a precious moment. julla is also very observant. you'd see her staring at our movements. she is constantly watching her kuya migo's every move and is most at ease in her rocker when he's beside her.

we love her, love her, love her! me, her dad and kuya migo.

18 aug 2006 / 5:30pm

my little duck

last sunday, august 13th, migo celebrated his 4th birthday alongside the christening of baby julla. the double affair was held at chowking valenzuela right after the christening ceremony at our lady of fatima shrine.

the only godparents who arrived on time for the ceremony were irene, alice and marichu to which i am extremely grateful. (thanks, mga 'mare! i really appreciate it!) the others got delayed due to the rains (eric, edgar, louie--but at least you came). one ninong (rommel) had an accident that morning so was unable to come.

anyways... about the double celebration. part of the simple program was the blowing of candles. we put migo on top of a chair together with his birthday cake at his side and asked all the guests to sing a happy birthday. while everybody was singing, i stood beside him and he kept on hugging me and nesting his face in my neck. afterwhich, he blew the #4 candle on his cake.

later in the evening, before we went to sleep, i asked him if he was happy during the day. to which he replied, "opo. naiyak nga po ako kanina e." so i asked, "bakit ka naiyak?" and he said: "kase kinantahan ako ng happy birthday." cesar and i laughed. we realized that our 4-yr old can already be touched by situations such as this which, to think, can usually be felt by older kids. i hugged him tight and let him feel how much loved he is. is this an example of EQ? i don't know for sure but am happy at the thought of my young boy feeling that way.

two days later, we were praying before going to sleep. he said his prayer "angel of god..." and afterwards a spontaneous prayer which we normally do. that night, his ring finger was hurting because it got "ipit" at the side of our refrigerator door. so he prayed, "sana po pagalingin nyo na si ring man, parang awa nyo na po." to which cesar and i had a good laugh again later.

cesar tells me that lots of times, when it's mcdo day, (every fri the two of them go to mcdonald's to eat and migo plays in the playground there) he would notice migo making friends with the other kids and leading the others in playing. he would tell the others where to go, what to do and those who don't follow him usually strays away. he is never left without company or if he is, he happily plays by himself.

always, cesar and i are surprised at the things little migo says and does. he talks unusually like a grown-up. we don't always know what to expect when conversing with him. even my mom & dad get amused whenever he speaks to them because his ideas are so broad and you wouldn't think he'd say or know some things that he talks about.

this morning, when we brought him to school, we watched him as their class sang the pambansang awit, recited their morning prayer, sang "ito ang araw na ginawa ng panginoon", exercised and we saw how happy he is in school. we're proud of what he is -- our 4-yr od amongst 5yr-olds in his class. it's the last day of their first quarter exams. hope he does good.

now cesar and i have decided to call him "our little duck" just between ourselves. here's why:

six little ducks that i once knew

fat ones, skinny ones, fair ones too

but the one little duck with a feather on his back

he ruled the others with a quack, quack, quack

down to the river they would go

wibble, wobble, wibble, wobble, to and fro

but the one little duck with the feather on his back

he led the others with a quack, quack, quack

quack, quack, quack,

quack, quack, quack

he led the others with a quack, quack, quack

back from the river they would come

wibble, wobble, wibble, wobble, ho, hum, hum

but the one little duck with the feather on his back

he led the others with a quack, quack, quack

quack, quack, quack,

quack, quack, quack

he led the others with a quack, quack, quack

18 aug 2006 / 1pm

interview blues

here are several tips on what NOT to do when going for a job interview, based on what i've experienced this past week:

1) don't wear brand new, never-been-used 4-inch heels. i got mine from people are people. they looked real cool when i bought them, at half the price coz it was on sale. when i tried them on at the store and pranced around in them, showing off to migo, i loved it despite migo telling me they're "ang pangit, mommy!" well, i should've listened to him. kids probably know what's best for their moms too. the morning of my interview, i was only an hour away from home and 4 toes were already bruised and my feet hurt like hell. now the heels are being sold to my officemate which i hope she likes.

2) don't always tell the truth. or maybe, always tell the truth, in this case. my 2nd interview at rds was a disaster. well, at least for me, it was. they're actually asking me back for a 3rd interview next week, i absolutely wonder why! well, what happened was that the interviewer (the avp for merch) asked me what i did and all that so i explained to her my day-to-day activities. each item i mentioned she would reply "that's not what you're gonna do here." then she tells me that if hired, i would be coordinating with concessionaires. then she asked, "so what are you going to do with the concessionaires?" which startled me a bit. so i replied, "i actually have no idea." she was literaly taken aback. she probably never expected an applicant to be that blunt. so she quit asking and just told me that i will be endorsed to the hr dep and politely asked me to leave.

3) don't take other interviewers forgranted. when a headhunter scheduled me for a friday interview, another company called for a wednesday interview. to which i politely asked if it's possible to re-sched it on friday too so i can take a leave from work for just one day. the company said they'll just call again for the next set of interviews. fine, i thought. if they really want me, they'll call again. but they didn't. a week later, i was talking to my friend who knew somebody from that company and told me i'd definitely like to work there because my expertise is exactly what they were looking for. now i begged him to mention me again to them so they'd call me.

there's more to learn but i'll write again next time.... :-)

dawn till morning

on to lighter things....

i've not posted regularly. baby julla is 2.5months. still breastfeeding her when i'm at home. kuya migo started in big school last june 7th. work at the office was and still is at its peak, in terms of things to attend to, fix up, devote time to. in short, i literally haven't had a "good time" for myself since i got back.

despite all these, i'm enjoying my baby julla's company. and eventhough migo is such a handful to deal with these days, i still am thankful i have him around. they are my little angels... always making me smile when i'm down and out. even when julla is crying her lungs out and i get stressed by it, i cuddle her and make her feel the love of her mom. even when migo is so wise-cracking, makulit and noisy, i hug him still and make him feel the love of his mom. i know that no matter what, i will always, ALWAYS make it a point to let them know how much they are loved.

nowadays, the only time i have to myself is during late nights such as right now. i am able to open the computer, log on to the internet, read mails, surf a bit and do this -- blog. and i am happy. despite my complaints to my husband -- that i don't get to go shopping anymore, don't get to watch tv shows that i like, don't get to eat stuff that i like -- i am contented with my life with my family. this little family in this little house. all are in here. nothing more, nothing less.

01 july 06 / 12:14am

dusk

my ima is in the hospital right now. she's my yaya who took care of me and my brothers eversince we were born. now she still lives with my mom, dad, youngest brother and his son.

she has some sort of cancer in her vertebrae and it came from another cancer somewhere else in her body that doctors are still trying to figure out where. that's the reason they had her confined today. to check. to verify. to confirm...

it made me sad today. the thought of eventually losing her to sickness. she was such a kind woman. she loved me and my brothers, mom and dad so much that she never married or had children of her own. we were her family. and even now that my brothers and i have our own families, she's still there for us and now willingly takes care of our own kids whenever she can.

dear God, please make it easy on her when the inevitable has to happen. she gave us herself -- her whole life to my family. You gave her to us. and we thank You for that.

30 june 06 / 11:59pm

BAD DAY by Daniel Powter

cesar & i got hooked on american idol (season 5) last january and we watched it religiously since then. today, the final winner was announced and cesar's bet, taylor hicks "the soul patrol" won. here's that beautiful song from the show that we (including little migo) have come to love. i feel this is my song whenever i feel down and out...

i'm now looking for the lyrics of taylor's winning song and soon-to-be first single "do i make you proud".

25 may 2006 / 1:52pm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where is the moment when we need it the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue sky's faded to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carrying on

Stand in the line just ahead of the law
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carrying on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carrying on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day You had a bad day
Sometimes the system goes on the blink and the whole thing it turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know that you could be well oh that strong
Well I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time

You had a bad day
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

domesticated me

i went back to work today. after more than a month of being with baby julla, i started going to the office again and i am depressed at the thought of leaving her everyday.

probably coz she's a girl ang i think our bonding is tighter. probably i enjoyed the break from the daily trivial problems that i have at work. probably i got used to being in the house all day. oh, if only i could always be on official leave!

but i recall there were days that i wished i could get out of the house and do things by myself. especially the first few weeks, i was so dependent on cesar, i felt so helpless then.

cesar's mom is going to take care of julla now that we're both back to work. i have my apprehensions but i don't tell anyone. but we're better off with her rather than a nanny we don't know. i don't want to trust my baby to just anybody. oh, if only i could be the one to take care of her! and breastfeed her for as long as she wants....

(sigh) the dilemma of a working mom....

22 may 06

jullana ysbel

my baby girl was born on april 5, 2006 at 4:44am. i was scheduled for operation supposedly at 8am but went into labor at 3am. birth weight is 2.9 kilos (=6.38lbs) and birth length is 51cm.

i was awake allthrough out the operation although i didn't feel anything coz of the anesthesia (spelling??). when i heard her cry (more like yelp) i was relieved. "sya na yun?" i asked the anesthesiologist who was standing beside my head. "oo." she replied.

now, baby julla is 19 days old, has gained weight and is looking more beautiful everyday.

24 april 2006 / 9:44pm

1 week to go

had ultrasound last friday, march 24. baby's a GIRL!! hah!! didn't i tell ya! cesar, migo and i are mighty proud... and glad. now, my dad (the grandpa) is happier. i saw it clearly by the big smile on his face when we told him. and he didn't approve of the name bettina. so now, we go back to the name migo was supposed to have had he been a girl..... jullana ysbel.... nickname will still be YSA....

cs operation still scheduled on april 3. migo's graduation is on april 1, he's the 3rd honor.

i'll post the ultrasound pic tomorrow....

27 mar 06 / 9:46am

two weeks and counting

my CS operation is scheduled on april 3, 2006. that's 2 weeks away. i'm both excited and anxious. we still don't know the gender of our baby. i'm going to my OB later for check-up and she's supposed to give me my admitting letter so that anytime i go into labor, i can go straight to the hospital.

this morning, cesar and i were talking about our new life with 2 kids. it will be much harder .... but we know, more rewarding. finances will definitely be tougher. but we will cope. we'll do anything for our 2 kids. with god on our side, of course.

hoping for the best....

20 mar 06 / 4pm

that's my boy!

here’s a story about migo that happened yesterday, according to hubby cesar…

for the past few months, cesar had been dead set on training migo to join in that kids’ tv contest “that’s my boy” at eat bulaga. so we let him join presentations and contests in school that will hone his talent (in reciting poems) and his confidence in front of a big audience.

yesterday, cesar, on the spur of the moment, asked migo one of those common questions being asked in contests as such. this is how their conversation went:

cesar : anak, ano sasagot mo pag tinanong ka sa eat bulaga ng ganito: kung mananalo ka dito sa that’s my boy, ano’ng gagawin mo sa perang napanalunan mo?

[translation: son, what will you say if you were asked in eat bulaga this question: if you win in this contest, what will you do with the money you won?]

migo : (thinking seriously, but seems can’t decide)

cesar : ganito na lang ang isagot mo. (typical of parents, huh) ibibigay ko po sa mommy at daddy ko para ilagay sa bangko.

[translation: you can answer like this. i will give it to my mom and dad to save in the bank.]

migo : eeee ayoko….bakit ko ibibigay sa nyo e akin yun?

[translation: i don’t like…. why should i give it to you if it’s mine?]

cesar : kase anak, yun ang tamang sagot.

[translation: because, son, that’s the right answer.]

migo : eeee ayoko nga. akin yun e. ayoko ilagay sa bangko.

[translation: i don’t like… it’s mine. i don’t like to put it in the bank.]

cesar : o sige. sabihin mo na lang, ibibigay ko sa mommy at daddy ko para pambili ng pagkain tsaka toys.

[translation: okay. just say, i will give it to my mom and dad to buy food and toys.]

migo : (still thinking seriously)

cesar : o sige. practice tayo. kung mananalo ka dito sa that’s my boy, ano’ng gagawin mo sa perang napanalunan mo?

[translation: okay. let’s practice. if you win in this contest, what will you do with the money you won?]

migo : (ever so reluctantly) ibibigay….. ko po….. sa …. mom…my at dad….dy ….ko …. para pambili …. ng….. (tears well up in his eyes) …….(starts to sob) …. (then starts to cry…. as in CRY) …. e akin yun e bakit ko bibigay sa inyo?? (more cries, tears and wailing)

[translation: i will give…. to….my…. mom… and dad…. to buy… .. (tears well up in his eyes) …….(starts to sob) …. (then starts to cry…. as in CRY) …. it’s mine, why should i give it to you?? (more cries, tears and wailing)

cesar couldn’t help but guffaw as he hugged the little kid to him. it was so funny coz it was so unbelievable to hear our little boy thinking for himself at his very young age. it was the logic of a 3-year old working here and it was really very surprising.

made daddy proud. and as he related to me this short episode over the phone, i laughed with tears in my eyes. made mommy proud too.

16 mar 06 / 10am

crunch time

i'm on my 33rd week of pregnancy. baby seems to be healthy, always kicking and pushing his/her way around my tummy. we don't know yet if it's a boy or a girl. but finally have names for both...jose rafael (raj) or bettina ysbel (ysa).

i can't wait to see my new baby. but am anxious too coz of the crisis ahead. just this week, our boss declared a 4-day working week effective march. this means a significant decrease in monthly income. he said this would only be temporary due to loans and payables that the company needs to update. even 2 of our company's 7 phone lines have to be cut so as to cope with the numerous expenses. all possible cost-cutting measures are being implemented asap.

so what's a mom to do? tighten the budget even more. i do not want to make this negative situation a setback to the joy of having a new baby. as much as possible, cesar and i do not wish to let our kids feel the crunch. we will do our best to augment our monthly income and lessen unnecessary expences.

life is unfair, just as i've always known. so all i can really do is deal with it, pray hard and hope for the best. that's the spirit, ayt? atta girl.... :)

23 feb 06 / 1pm

another letter to baby

dear baby bump,

you're 7 months in mom's tummy by now. i am having a hard time getting up in the morning and going to sleep at night these past few weeks since christmas. and you're pretty big now, as i look at you sideways in front of the mirror. i'm happy to feel you always moving inside me. you are god's blessing to me, your dad and your kuya migo.

we are still wondering if you're a girl or a boy.... i haven't had ultrasound yet and mama and papa are discouraging me from having one. surprise na lang daw. but your dad and i secretly plan to check you out so we'd know in advance. and at least, so we can call you by your name already. we haven't got a name yet if you're a girl. last suggestion from mama was "bettina". she believes you're a girl... but if you're a boy, papa already suggested "jose rafael."

don't want to rant, baby, but i'm really having a hard time these days. i'm always tired and lazy. hope you won't become a lazy baby ok? my appetite has grown though. maybe it's coz my last checkup showed that i lost 2 lbs. tsk, tsk, tsk... bad...

anyways, since you're going to be a scheduled CS, your dad & i are planning to have you on his birthday, march 30. but last week, we were informed that kuya migo's graduation will be on april1-2. so we might as well have you after that so that you and i can attend that very special event in your kuya's life.

well, see you soon baby....

luv,
mum

no title... duh...

if i could just get through this day... if i could just get through these last 2 months of my pregnancy... i'll be okay, i guess.

the past few weeks since the new year had been nothing but dull, irritating and tiring. both at work and at home. i try hard not to get affected at home so as not to affect the personality of my unborn baby. but sometimes, things just get so... frustrating. work is taking its toll on me. i'm BORED with working -- in the same company, for the same boss, with the same problems. every morning, i drag myself to the office. i look forward to weekends. can you believe i've been absent 4 times this month? which was unusual last year. i so look forward to my maternity leave come april. when finally i can take a break from it all. and maybe re-evaluate my position in the work i do. maybe i really do need to change careers, just as i've written here few months back. baby in my tummy is keeping me from going virtually insane here. of course, cesar and migo are always there for me but they can drive me crazy sometimes too. but i love, love, love them anyways! i'd never give up these 3 special people in my life for anything!

anyway.... (sigh) i've just got to keep on keeping on... so god help me....

caramel colored bubbles

can't get off 'em. even while i'm pregnant (and i know for a fact i shouldn't be drinking coke), i still sneak in a few gulps every now and then. not one whole bottle or can. just a few gulps. i just have to taste it on my tongue once in a while. a simple craving that i don't deprive myself lest i crave for it even more. just sipping those tiny caramel colored bubbles is enough to perk me up. (no coffee please)

passed out

dear baby bump,

we were at the newly-opened sm valenzuela today. me, dad & kuya migo. i was supposed to visit my ob-gyne first for our monthly check-up but her clinic was closed so we went to the salon for my much-needed haircut (which turned out to be not what i wanted... but that is another story). kuya migo got a trim too. then afterwards, upon his prodding, we all went to sm.

once there, we checked out some christmas trees and decor and decided which to buy later when budget permits. then we went to the play area where kuya migo rode some kiddie rides. then i decided i was hungry so we went to kfc on the ground floor.

once there, i started to feel weird. i knew immediately i was going to faint. slowly, my vision was starting to fade into black and i told your dad i was gonna lose it any minute. i told him i was gonna faint. (i already know this coz this happened to me too when i was pregnant with your brother.) then i was gone.

the next thing i knew, i was being seated on a chair with daddy's arms around me, calmly calling me, "sweetheart, sweetheart..." then i could hear him saying "buntis kase sya" probably to the passers-by. then slowly, i came back. migo was hugging my left leg softly saying, "mommy, mommy..."

later, i asked dad how it went. he said, like i told him, i slowly fainted and slumped on his arms. my eyes rolled heavenward. migo asked him innocently, "daddy, patay na ba si mommy?" to which he replied, "no, anak, hinimatay lang sya. behave ka para ok na si mommy." was funny coz he even kidded me that i looked like a joke--my facial expression and all.

anyway, i felt how much daddy & kuya loved me just by being there caring for me. it's the love that our family will be giving you too.

luv,
mom