Monday, September 10, 2012

a facebook post

i am a little bit emotional right now and need to write this down asap to capture this moment.  so i'm sneaking in a few minutes from work to get this out and over with.

it is not often that the hubby posts personal stuff on his or my FB wall.  but this, today, is one for the books.

(insert link here)

sort of redeems me from my previous post about being a failure as a mom.

thank you, hubby, for thinking of me this way.  and shouting it out to the world.  thank you for being the way you are and for accepting me the way i am. ♥

Friday, September 07, 2012

mommy fail

busy days at work took a backseat again yesterday for my kids' annual field demo day in school.  past years it was only the little big man's day.  this year is more meaningful and eventful, being the little girl is now in 1st grade and participating in the activity.

about two weeks ago, i was already on my toes finding the materials for their costume which was prescribed by the school.  i needed orange gina cloth (luckily both kids needed the same color), white leotards, black shorts, orange shorts, gold foil paper, dark blue art paper, green satin ribbon... the works.  the last night before the event, i had to cram sewing and pasting and putting together the 2 different costumes for the 2 kids.

so yesterday, we were all set.  both kids were excited.  their classmates and teachers worked 2 weeks practicing and this day is the big day they were gonna show off what stuff they're made of.

the littel girl's sched of presentation was at 9:15am while the little big man is at 10:45am.  we  arrived in school at around 9:05-9:10.  (my fault because i agreed to wait for my dad and brother before going to school but that's a differet story and i might digress if i go into the details of that.)

the hubby and i agreed he'd go with the little big man while i go with the little girl.  and so, as she and i were passing by the gym, we heard "fireworks" being played and i turned to her and asked, isn't that the music that you're going to dance to?

wide-eyed, she said yes while we both wondered why it was already playing.  i tried to peep to see what's going on but it was too crowded.  so i told the little girl that we should just go to the meeting area of her batchmates.  on our way there, we passed by a video wall showing  livestream what was happening inside the gym.  

lo and behold!  a sea of orange skirts with blue and gold vests worn over white leotards and black shorts!  my insides ached so bad i thought my knees turned jelly and i felt like i would fall in utter frustration.  i turned to the little girl, carried her in my arms, pointed to her the wall and painfully said, anak, sorry hindi ka na makakasali.  ayun na sila o.  i was close to tears.

she stared at the video wall.  then she patted my shoulder, ok lang yan mommy, ok lang yan. she seemed so cool about it and was even the one comforting me!  she stared again for about a minute then she turned away and rested her chin on my shoulder while hugging me tight.  in a few seconds, i knew she was teary-eyed and i kept on saying i'm sorry, i'm sorry to her.  i told her that when we get home, she will wear her costume and perform for me and her dad and kuya and i will video her performance and we will cheer and clap for her.

mommy, ok lang na hindi ako nakasali.  alam ko naman na pinaghirapan mo yung costume ko hanggang kagabi di ba?  ok lang yun.  then she was teary-eyed again and she hugged me again while i hugged her back.  halika na mommy, ayaw ko na dito.

we found the hubby and the little big man in his grade 5 classroom and told them what happened.  (of course, the hubby blamed me because we both knew we should be there by 8:30 but i told them 9:15 pa naman ang performance e.  and yeah, that thing with my dad.)  afterwards, we went to the gym in time for kuya's performance.  

while waiting, a video wall inside the gym was running the highlights of the grade 1 to 3 performances.  and there again was the grade 1 performance which the little girl failed to participate in just an hour ago.  i pointed it to her, she looked and shrugged saying, ayaw ko na makita yan.  i felt her pain and secretly pointed an imaginary gun to my head and shot myself.  i was as devastated as she.

super mommy fail. :(

here's her costume.  shot at home after.

and here's her vid.  on top of  the bed.  watch it and applaud.  PLEASE.

and here's what the little big man had to show.

and some pics of how the little girl coped with her mommy's failure. :( wearing her kuya's head dress while waiting for him after his performance.