the ice cream maker

it's the kids' 4th day without school. semestral break. the little girl's been begging me to bring her with me to the office and i've promised her that she can go to the office with me today. just because.

early on, the office has issued a memo no longer allowing employee's children in the premises. it was brought about by an incident among the owners' relatives who fought over one of the kids. long story. so anyway, before going to work with my little girl in tow, i told her that in case the guard does not allow her inside, we will have to go home.

when we got there, guard was all smiles. we went in smoothly without question. officemates who missed her since she was there a lot last summer, were so glad to see her. immediately, i set her on the table behind me doing some papercraft. she was well-behaved and wasn't a nuisance at all.

then one of the HR personnel called my attention about the memo. i immediately said i'll just leave the office with my daughter. it wasn't a big deal really. i knew it was coming but i just took the chance since everyone in the office knew i always bring her there whenever she had no classes.

i decided to take it as an opportunity to bond with her so i told her we will go to the mall instead. perfect timing cause it was already 10am. as we walked out of the office, the little girl started sobbing, saying "i'm sorry mommy, i'm sorry mommy..." i appeased her, telling her it was ok, it wasn't her fault. but she kept on saying i'm sorry as tears fell down her cheeks. i hugged her to me and reassured her that it was ok and we will just enjoy our day.

we ended up in toy kingdom. 

we ended up with a toy ice cream maker.

later, she apologized to her dad as well. she was actually afraid to tell her dad about it and was teary-eyed again as she explained to her dad that she didn't want it to happen. again i told her it was alright. 

then she asked, pano yan san ka na kukuha ng money? wala ka nang work?

and it dawned on me, the reason why she was sooo sad was all the while she thought i lost my job because she went to the office with me. 

this made me a bit mad at what happened. this made me want to get back at that wretched office policy for not allowing my kid in there. i could only imagine the trauma my little girl felt all these hours since morning!

and so i told her over and over again that it wasn't her fault and that i didn't get fired. my dear daughter..... 

so we made ice cream instead.

Children are happy because they don't have 

a file in their minds called "All things that could go wrong."

~Marianne Williamson

G O L D

this is what i posted on facebook this morning as i rode a cab on my way to work.  the caloocan division meet in taekwondo was held yesterday and the little big man got a silver.  i've been putting off posting the result since last night coz i didn't know how to "announce" to the world the result.  coz when you think about it, when you get a silver, it means you didn't get the gold.

the little big man did NOT get the gold.  but migo knew he got the gold.  we knew he got the gold, our coach knew he got the gold, the referee knew he got the gold.  DAMN IT, EVEN HIS OPPONENT KNEW MIGO GOT THE GOLD.

but he didn't.  the scorers didn't see it the way everybody else saw it.

and that's what makes me want to give out a prolonged high-pitched cry of a combination of pain, grief and anger.  had he gotten the gold, he would've been on his way to the NCR (national capital region) games where if he won, he would've gone on to compete in palarong pambansa.  which is what he has always wanted.

sigh.

i remember myself praying repeatedly in my head "ibigay mo sa kanya 'to Lord, ibigay mo sa kanya 'to Lord.." the whole time i was recording on video the game.  when i saw the final decision, i wanted to break down but i held on and completed recording.  i looked at the little big man's face void of emotion.  but i knew, i knew, he was too disappointed to speak. 

but i know too that God's reason for this is that He has far more opportunities to give to my little big man.  the way he has matured in this game, the way he has worked hard to be where he is now, i know that soon he will realize his dream of becoming an undisputed champion.

for now, the gold is his determination to move on and keep training and learning and doing his best.  he has that gold.

i'm never gonna give up the way i know he will never give up.  just you wait and see.

Sometimes by losing a battle, 

you find a new way to win the war.

~ Donald Trump

06 january 2011

it's the saddest day of 2011 for me.  and it's only been six days.

breakeven

this is too sad.... but why does sadness, and tears for that matter, have a healing effect on me?