worry

i am such a worrywart. well, i've always been like that but recently, however much i try to think positive, sometimes, it just creeps up behind me -- that feeling of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. God knows i've done all the necessary self-motivation just so i can get away from the sadness but really, sometimes, it just comes.

broken nose

it was an uneventful sunday. until that fateful moment when the little big man mistakenly turned away, looked back and his opponent's foot hit him right smack on the nose. i stared at my boy, his nose bleeding while two moms approached him, applied ice on his nose. coach approached too and called off the game.

a technical knockout.

and here i go again, saying, he could've won the game had he not been hit on the nose. 

the following tuesday, i had him checked by a EENT doctor who declared, without batting an eyelash, that the little big man needs to undergo surgery -- as in, general anesthesia kind of surgery.  the f---?! at first, i was stunned. all i could think about was somebody knifing my son's face and fixing the broken bone. (later i found out, the procedure was by way of lifting the skin from the upper lip up to the nose. no wonder he needs general anesthesia!) the next thing i thought about was how much it would cost to undergo this operation. doc said a safe ballpark figure would be 70k. the f---?! i was stunned twice over.

i held back tears as i told the hubby much later. good thing he was calm and said, a surgery probably wasn't needed anyway because there's no dislocation. which was a bit comforting. later, reading through google searches about broken noses and fractured noses, i did find that a surgery is not always the only option.

which made me relax a bit. but not until we get a 2nd, 3rd opinion from a different doctor this weekend.

meantime, as always, we got another learning experience on our list. 

“One mistake does not have to rule a person's entire life.” 

― Joyce Meyer, Any Minute

realize

just after my blog entry last wednesday, about choosing to be happy, i received a call about a job interview.  it's been a while that my friend from that company has asked me if i wanted to try it out with them. 

to make a long story short, i went to that interview, was given a job offer on the same day, was asked to start immediately on december 1.  and i was left with a realization.

that i seriously did not want to do it.  that getting the same job as i have right now is no longer what's in my heart.  and i knew, the decision has been made a long time ago.  i only needed this to know, for sure.

boyfriend

i worry a lot about my kids.  i worry if they don't eat enough, sleep enough, have fun enough.  about why the two of them argue a lot.  i worry about what kind of person they will grow up into.  about what they will wear to that next children's party.  about their tuition fees for the next school year.    that the little big man's teeth are getting a little yellowish.  i worry about his skin and her height and her hair and his mannerisms and his allergic rhinities and her urinary tract infection.  and what the heck is that bruise doing on the little girl's knee again?  and how in the world did the little big man lose that last tournament again?!

a mom i know is worried about her 3 kids.  she is a full time employee while her husband who supposedly works too cannot support her financially and comes only to visit her and her kids at least once every two weeks.  she knows he has women (yes, plural) but probably denies it to everyone and to herself.  when she goes to work, she sometimes leaves her eldest (if he's not in school) at a relative's house, her second with the nanny at home and her youngest with another relative.  she has loans everywhere to make ends meet.  recently, she's been informed that she has to evacuate her apartment for lack in payments.  she gets by with the help of relatives but at night she's usually on her own.

oftentimes, i feel i'm the most burdened mom in the world.  only to realize what a great gift i have in my husband and children.  we are not always ok.  we got problems here and there.  but we got one another to keep us strong and secure and looking forward to the future.

just last weekend, the little girl, who is now 5 years old whispered to me as she watched a justin bieber video, mommy, i want to have a boyfriend.

i say calmly, ok, but when you're 18.

and she goes, how about when i'm 14?


and i of course say, no, 18.


to which she contested, but justin is only 16. so can i have a boyfriend when i'm 16?


i stood firm. 18, sweetie. when you're 18.

i'm not worried at all.  well, except for her crushes and lady gaga.