OOTD (Conversations)

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I put on an old top that I must've been wearing frequesntly over the past weeks. The little girl said to me to wear something else. That I should wear my other clothes at the back of the closet.

 

So I took it off and found this girl flowy off shoulder top that I probably used only twice since it was bought months ago. I wore it and showed the little girl. She approved then went to the closet to find a matching black bandage skirt. She let me wear it, stood back and said, "There."in approval.

 

I stood in front of the mirror and told her, "But I don't like wearing skirt in the office." to which she replied, "Yeah. It makes you look old."

 

So I took it off and wore my black distressed boyfriend jeans. When the little girl saw me again, she quipped, "That's fine. Cool pants. Nice top."in approval.

 

The little girl's fashion inclination is manifesting.

 

 

Rite of passage

Today is one of those days. The nanny hasn't come back from her supposedly 2-week vacation. Last week, my boss told me not to be absent from work for the rest of the month. The little big man has to go to school to finish clearance for his 7th grade before release of his report card this week. 

So this morning I had to leave the little girl at home with Ima. I knew she was sad because she will be left at home to fend for herself. Ima is virtually non-existent in terms of being a guardian to her, but at least she's there to be with.

When Migs and I went downstairs, I heard the little girl calling out following us downwards. I stopped and thought she might be crying out of sadness. When I met her at the foot of the stairs, she came to me and in a hushed voice, asked:

Mommy, pwede ako maglaba?

I broke into a smile. 

Back story: Last week, she watched me do the laundry using our washing machine and said she wanted to do it.

So I dropped Migs at school and got to work. Once there, I received a message from the little girl: 

This day marked the day my little girl became a grown-up.

conversations

the little girl and me  few weeks ago while walking on our way to the grocery. not verbatim. but it went something like this.

mas favorite ko si daddy kaysa sa yo. i love you pero mas love ko si daddy ng konti. pero i love you.

so mas love mo si daddy kaysa sa akin?

uhmm...oo... pero konti lang.. ikaw 99%, si daddy 100%

ah ok.

parang ikaw mas favorite mo si kuya kaysa sa akin.

Children begin by loving their parents; 

as they grow older they judge them;

sometimes they forgive them.

~Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

working mom

let me forwarn you. this will be tearful.

this morning, the little big man woke up with fever while i was preparing to go to work. 

(you must know that our little family is coping with the hubby in neverland and it's just the kids and me in the little home for over a month now.)

i gave him biogesic. yes, he's taking tablet medicine now. i asked him if he was ok and he said no. he has a headache. i asked him if he wants me not to go to work and stay with him.

ikaw bahala was his reply.

(it's up to you.)

what to do? any normal, sane, caring mother knows very well that means he doesn't want to impose but of course he wants me to stay with him.

so i picked up my phone to text the office that i was not coming to work. 

before sending the text, i thought of all the things i have to do at work today. i thought of 3 scheduled meetings. i thought of my friend/officemate/department-partner who has already informed me in advance that she might not be in today so there won't be anyone to delegate the work today. i thought of the would-be-loss of 1 day's salary. 

i went back to the little big man and whispered to him that i really have to go to work. that i want to stay with him but i have committed to those 3 meetings and that there will be no one else to do the work today and so i cannot NOT go to work.

he said ok.

now, i'm at work. and i am guilty as hell. so judge me.

tears. tears and tears of regret.

sorry, anak.

She never quite leaves her children at home, 

even when she doesn't take them along.

~Margaret Culkin Banging

Black Belt

the little big man was promoted to high brown belt in taekwondo on april 28, 2012.  twenty-plus months later, which is a little overdue, he was promoted to 1st dan black belt last sunday, january 26, 2014.

these are his teammates from meycauayan who also earned their black belts with migo.  ethan, giljohn, miggy, princess and maureen.

and their colored belt teammates who came to support.  ralou, luis and ceejay.

with coach moben, their coach, mentor, motivator.

of course, with who else, but the proud mommy.

his defining moment was when he broke the board with a turning side.

i couldn't be happier for my unico hijo.  this is just the beginning of more challenges and opportunities which we will go through together.  love you, anak!

"A black belt is a white belt who never quit."

hello, world!

merry christmas, everyone!

time, truly, does fly so fast when you're having fun.  well, not really always having fun.  but i do believe in cherishing every moment so we may be able to relive it in down times.

on the day before christmas, my unico hijo, the little big man became officially... a man.  

BEFORE

 DURING

Sorry, anak, for posting this.  But you may want to look back at this someday so here it is. ;-)

AFTER

a letter to the little big man on his recollection day

so i was in the hospital for a week and missed an important event in my son's young life:  his 6th grade recollection.  the school sent us a letter saying we parents have to be their on the afternoon of the second day with a letter for our child.  i sent my mom over instead.

and here goes my letter.

Dear Migo,

Well how was your recollection?  I'm pretty sure much has been learned and realized these past 2 days.  Maybe you have matured too?  I can only guess.

I've always said this, time and time again:  You, Migo, are MABAIT na bata.  Of that, I am so proud.  Despite being makulit and pasaway, I know that you are one kind-hearted young man.  You are smart, hard-working, loving.  

I'm sorry, anak, that I can't be with you today.  I'm also sorry I can't even write legibly because I'm attached to a dextrose =) (And I have to write your Dad's letter for you later pa!)

I'm sorry if sometimes I am unable to give you what you want.  You know your mommy's limitations right?  I'm also sorry if sometimes I side with Julla even if she's the one who hurt you.  I'm sorry if sometimes you think I'm unfair or I don't understand you or I neglect you.  I'm sorry for the times I've hurt you physically and emotionally.  I'm sorry if sometimes I disappoint you when sometimes I don't know the answer to your question.  

You know, the only thing I want in this world is for you to be happy.  To soar high.  To achieve your goals.  To reach your dreams.  You asked me once, what do I pray for?  And I said I prayed to God that He gives you what you prayed for.  That has always been my prayer.

I love you so so much.

Mom

G O L D

this is what i posted on facebook this morning as i rode a cab on my way to work.  the caloocan division meet in taekwondo was held yesterday and the little big man got a silver.  i've been putting off posting the result since last night coz i didn't know how to "announce" to the world the result.  coz when you think about it, when you get a silver, it means you didn't get the gold.

the little big man did NOT get the gold.  but migo knew he got the gold.  we knew he got the gold, our coach knew he got the gold, the referee knew he got the gold.  DAMN IT, EVEN HIS OPPONENT KNEW MIGO GOT THE GOLD.

but he didn't.  the scorers didn't see it the way everybody else saw it.

and that's what makes me want to give out a prolonged high-pitched cry of a combination of pain, grief and anger.  had he gotten the gold, he would've been on his way to the NCR (national capital region) games where if he won, he would've gone on to compete in palarong pambansa.  which is what he has always wanted.

sigh.

i remember myself praying repeatedly in my head "ibigay mo sa kanya 'to Lord, ibigay mo sa kanya 'to Lord.." the whole time i was recording on video the game.  when i saw the final decision, i wanted to break down but i held on and completed recording.  i looked at the little big man's face void of emotion.  but i knew, i knew, he was too disappointed to speak. 

but i know too that God's reason for this is that He has far more opportunities to give to my little big man.  the way he has matured in this game, the way he has worked hard to be where he is now, i know that soon he will realize his dream of becoming an undisputed champion.

for now, the gold is his determination to move on and keep training and learning and doing his best.  he has that gold.

i'm never gonna give up the way i know he will never give up.  just you wait and see.

Sometimes by losing a battle, 

you find a new way to win the war.

~ Donald Trump

a facebook post

i am a little bit emotional right now and need to write this down asap to capture this moment.  so i'm sneaking in a few minutes from work to get this out and over with.

it is not often that the hubby posts personal stuff on his or my FB wall.  but this, today, is one for the books.

(insert link here)

sort of redeems me from my previous post about being a failure as a mom.

thank you, hubby, for thinking of me this way.  and shouting it out to the world.  thank you for being the way you are and for accepting me the way i am. ♥

moving up

the little girl graduated from pre-school yesterday.  

it is one of the most gratifying moments in a mom's life.  she's only turing 6 years old next week and i know we still have a long way to go.  a lot more gratifying moments to come -- her 7th birthday, her first day in high school, her first menstruation... college, first love.... well, i'm (crossing my fingers) hoping first love comes after college.  she came in 3rd overall, i think, since the school is progressive and as a rule, does not give numeric grades.  but she was called 3rd to the last so i figured that's it.

next week, she's taking entrance exams at the little big man's school.   wish us luck.

Her page in the school souvenir program

Her introduction

Her doxology

And her fooling around :)

i so look forward to the many more fruitful years ahead.

all kids her age starting 1st grade next schoolyear will be working the new K+12 curriculum to be implemented by the  philippines' department of education.  this means 7 years of grade school and 5 years of high school.  

make up

recently i've noticed the little girl watching youtube videos about make-up tutorials.  and consequently, she has been bugging me to buy her make-up.  it even came to a point that she was bargaining that she will not tag along to somewhere i was going to where she was not allowed on the condition that i will bring make-up when i get back.  i knew i was going to give in eventually  but i didn't want to go to the mall just for that.  so i told her to wait till the weekend when we do go.  she bawled over, gave me the bratty attitude which i so hate, did everything to make me buy her but to no avail.

but yesterday, i found these pretty little things at hortaleza.  made for girls 8-18 "who are in the advent of many beautiful first experiences." 

the culprits:  hypoallergenic pressed powder, lip gloss,
shimmer cheek blush with sunscreen, sparkle eyeshadow

i know, i know! my girl is way too young for make-up.  goodness, she's only turning 6 this april! but i had to humor her.  or maybe, humor myself.  i can't help but give in.  so shoot me, my self-rightoeous, condemning, judgmental readers! ;-)  disclaimer:  i am not, in any way, advocating, endorsing or justifying make-up use for 5-year olds.  

did you shoot me already?

but let me just say that i did lay down the rules.  1)  that she can only wear them if she's going to sing or dance in a school presentation.  incidentally, her moving up ceremony is coming up next month and she's actually going to dance the doxology!  2) that she absolutely cannot wear it in school or in church.  3)  that she washes her face everytime after.

here she is wearing her trial make-up.

on a side note. there was a time when the little girl was told by her teacher that they will have make-up classes on a saturday because of the several typhoons that cancelled classes.  during the evening after of one such class, i asked her how her make-up class went, her reply was, hindi naman kami nag-make up e.  nag-aral lang kami.

conversations (the trick question)

after we turned off the lights last night and the little girl was all snuggled and comfy beside me, her brother the little big man on her other side while her dad the hubby on his newly-purchased matress on the floor beside our bed:

mommy, sinong mahal mo?

~~~~~~~~~~~
backgrounder:  the little girl is obsessed about knowing that i love her most.  she constantly needs reaffirmation of this fact and usually asks randomly like that.  i used to reply to this question with my truest, safest answer, which is kayong dalawa ng kuya mo.  to which she would disagree and would insist that i choose only one.  and i would tell her that i cannot choose only one because i love them both equally -- as my son and as my daughter.  

usually, conversations like these are open-ended and it disappoints her that she is not loved more than her brother.  but i stand by my answer.  until a couple of months or so ago, i was talking with the little big man and we happened to discuss this issue.  i told him that whenever his sister asks this question, i have a hard time with her.  and he told me it's ok with him to tell her (or make her believe) that she is more loved than he. he understands because she's still young and cannot decipher yet.  but he does know i've loved him for 9 years now and his sister for 5 and it will be ok for him to hear that i love his sister more than he, for the sake of his sister's satisfaction.  he is confident enough that i love him as much, period.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

so last night, upon popping the question, the little big man and i nudged each other knowingly.  while i know in the darkness, the hubby breaks into a smile.


so i answered, alam mo naman sagot di ba?


and she goes, eh basta sagutin mo yung tanong ko.  sinong mahal mo?  may kasunod pang tanong dun.


so i rolled my eyes and hugged her to me and proudly said,  syempre ikaw.

WAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! in the silence and darkness of our bedroom, she literally bawled and broke into tears.  i jumped up and gathered her in my arms to comfort her only to be pushed away by her little arms and hands as she shouted dejectedly,  hindi mo ko mahal, hindi mo ko mahal!!!


i tried to calm her, asking her why was she reacting that way when i was sure it was the answer she wanted to hear.


kase yung susunod na tanong ko, sinong pinakamahal mo!  (more sobs, tears and stomping of her feet in the air, and crossing of her arms so i couldn't make her hug me back)   hindi ako pinakamahal mo!


then, laughter.  from the hubby her dad.  from the little big man her brother.  while i tried to suppress mine, it still came out and broke her heart even more.  she cried some more while i still tried to hug her to me.  


pinagtatawanan nyo pa ko! hindi nyo ko mahal lahat kayo!


later, after some explanations, she calmed down.


ang daya mo naman kase.  trick question na nga yung una, may second trick question pa pala.


this kid -- she's just impossible aint she?  :-D  this story i will add to my imaginary box of cute memorable conversations with the little girl.  together with the story of the upo and blast from the past.

A child can ask questions that even a wise man cannot answer.

- Author unknown

Quotable Quotes

it's right after a 4-day weekend and i had to literally drag myself to work this morning.  i woke up the usual hour at 5 but played with my tab for a good 30 minutes before going to the shower.  i folded worn clothes for the laundry, fixed the elastic adjuster on the little big man's shorts, sorted out the disarray of little things on the table.... did *literally* anything to delay my trip to work.

the little kids woke up almost the same time and watched me fixing myself up.  they KNEW i was going to work and they'd be left nanny-less today but with their dad.


randomly,


sana 2012 na.  said the little big man sitting on the couch while the hubby came out of the bedroom.

baket?  me while the hubby and i threw each other questioning glances.


kase pag 2012 na, di ka na magwo-work tapos ikaw na magpre-prepare ng baon ko sa school tsaka lagi ka na lang nandito....

i didn't know they were really holding on to that.  and somehow, i felt the pressure to give in.

Quotable Quotes

this morning, me dressed to go to work and the little big man in his school uniform ready to go to school, on our way out of the house:

mommy, bat pag naka-pambahay ka hindi ka maganda?

baket, pag naka pang-alis ako, maganda ako?

oo.

ok sige lagi na lang ako magpa pang-alis.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

another quotable quote, from months back when we just transferred to our latest dwelling.  

the little girl and me were left to fend for ourselves one night while the hubby and little big man went to taekwondo training.  we were waiting for them because they were bringing home dinner but the little girl was probably hungry already so she said:

mommy, marunong ka bang magluto kahit noodles lang?

oo naman.

quickly i tried to boil the water and prep the noodles and spices.  unfortunately, i was not aware (yet) that the gas tank had a button to be pushed before it could release the gas for the stove.  it took forever to boil the g*dd*mn water!