Tuesday, September 30, 2014


My dad, now 80, in the entire time that I have lived my own number of years, has never been confined in a hospital due to illness.

Until now.

My mom always said that my dad was less stressed between the two of them. She's 13 years younger than him. But she's the one who gets these headaches every so often and catches the flu more than dad does.

When I was a kid, I looked up to him (well, not physically coz I got my height from him) and was even afraid of him. I'd like to believe that I'm "mabait" because when I was little, I was afraid of being hit by his belt if I misbehaved. Which happened a lot to my older brother. Well, I am naturally mabait, aside from that. Tee-hee!! 😋

My dad is also naturally mabait. He can be a terror to some people but I know that is just his front. He is a caring man who takes care of his brothers and sisters and nephews and nieces long after it was his responsibility. He takes care of me and my mom and my brothers. Until now.

When my brother texted me yesterday that he was to be brought to the hospital, I had this sudden fear of the inevitable. Praying for his recovery now and many more years ahead.

"I cannot think of any need in childhood 
as strong as the need for a father's protection."
~Sigmund Freud

Wednesday, September 17, 2014


A couple of my tkd mom friends in Bulacan have started playing badminton last week to keep in shape. I used to play too and today, I found this in my Inbox which I emptied a while back.

This was written by me back in 2004. Not blogging yet but I was emailing myself a diary like this. Looking back, this was the time when I was with my former employer, doing garment merchandising work for a men's, women's and children's brand. I was 3 years married, with my first born son around 1 and a half years old.

Yes, I was and forever will be, emo.

As I write, I am in an internet cafe whiling away my time as I wait for Cesar from work.  It's my day off from work today after a long and grueling week of non-stop pressures on responsibilities and tasks that I do not have a choice but to complete. 
Last night was my first time to play badminton.  I was with a couple of officemates at Omni Sports Complex near our place. It was a good outlet after my busy week.  Everytime I would smash the shuttlecock, I can see the problems I've had all week smashing down on my opponents side of the court.  Every drop of sweat that broke out of my skin was a welcome relief from all the tears I've wanted to shed due to the stress I've experienced the last five days.  Everytime I picked up a fallen shuttlecock from the floor, I saw myself picking up the pieces of a broken promise I gave to my Mom since last month.  And after the game, chugging down a whole bottle of mineral water, I felt calm....
I'm going back to that court next Friday!
08 May 2004

empty inbox

Today, just a while ago, I did something crazy.

Deleted 4,000+ emails, from way back 2004 when I created that email account.

No, it's not my birthday. I'm not dying. I'm not about to start something new in my life. I'm not resigning from my job. I'm not angry or running away from my past.

No, there is no special reason why I did what I did.

I just felt like it. 

Carpe diem!
Sieze the day!

Tuesday, September 02, 2014

Folding the page

I've been meaning to write this entry since Sunday but I couldn't find on Google the poem I wanna write about. The poem was read to us by our priest during mass that day and it stuck to me.  I was almost teary-eyed.

So the poem goes something like the author chancing upon an old text book in the attic and when he opened it, he found a folded page.  On it was written fold this page for now because you're too young to understand, but someday you'll understand. And now that he's grown and found that old textbook, he read the page again and then, yes, he understood.

Those words spoke to me about my family situation now. It's hard the way things have turned out. I cannot fathom why this happened to me and my family. I even wondered what I'd done wrong to deserve this punishment. If this was karma, what have I done to deserve this fate? I cannot understand. I've prayed and prayed for better days but it has become worse.

So what to do? Let God. I've lifted everything up to Him. Someday, I'll understand. I'm folding this page for now.