badminton

A couple of my tkd mom friends in Bulacan have started playing badminton last week to keep in shape. I used to play too and today, I found this in my Inbox which I emptied a while back.

This was written by me back in 2004. Not blogging yet but I was emailing myself a diary like this. Looking back, this was the time when I was with my former employer, doing garment merchandising work for a men's, women's and children's brand. I was 3 years married, with my first born son around 1 and a half years old.

Yes, I was and forever will be, emo.

~~~~

As I write, I am in an internet cafe whiling away my time as I wait for Cesar from work.  It's my day off from work today after a long and grueling week of non-stop pressures on responsibilities and tasks that I do not have a choice but to complete. 

 

Last night was my first time to play badminton.  I was with a couple of officemates at Omni Sports Complex near our place. It was a good outlet after my busy week.  Everytime I would smash the shuttlecock, I can see the problems I've had all week smashing down on my opponents side of the court.  Every drop of sweat that broke out of my skin was a welcome relief from all the tears I've wanted to shed due to the stress I've experienced the last five days.  Everytime I picked up a fallen shuttlecock from the floor, I saw myself picking up the pieces of a broken promise I gave to my Mom since last month.  And after the game, chugging down a whole bottle of mineral water, I felt calm....

 

I'm going back to that court next Friday!

 

08 May 2004

Everyday Things That Affect Your Mood

this new year, i've decided to let go and let live.  i don't want my fears or anger or any negative thoughts to rule over my decisions and actions.  i will concentrate on the positive of my life and work and family.

and this video just gave me a simple way to adjust my attitude towards everything that i encounter daily.  thanks, yahoo.

the silver lining

i'm sad as shit right now.  but i don't want it to get to me.  so i've decided to write down the things i have to thank for so as not to feel the hurt.  i have to re-affirm to myself that i am still blessed despite the troubles i am going through.  surely, there are more people in far more worse situations than what i am in right now.

for starters, i am super thankful for my two wonderful kids.  they make me crazy most of the time, when they argue or try to compete for attention but hey, i cannot ask for anybody else.  they're my treasures.  and i'm glad that they love me back even if i scream at them at times.  and i know they won't ask for another mom too.

secondly, i am mega thankful for my friends.  my younger set of colleagues keep me sane at work.  the gays add the spice to living daily in our office.  also, my best friends who i get to talk to online for they're far away are also present in my daily struggles.  these people don't have a clue as to my pain thereby giving me spontaneity and a sense of normalcy.  they don't know how much they're helping me cope.

i am uber grateful for my mom and my dad who understands me and let's me be.  


i am very thankful to God for giving me problems He knows i can handle.  indeed, there is always a silver lining in every cloud.  i haven't seen it yet but i know, it will be visible soon.  i just have to trust and have faith.

Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to. 

George Seaton

the pains of nanny-less me

i'm so stressed.  and it's only 7:30 in the morning!!

and i am entirely blaming it on not having a nanny for over two weeks now.  she took a leave because her mother is ill and she has to take care of her and other responsibilities concerning her health benefits and documents.

this morning, the kids' uniforms were not dry yet.  blame it on the continuous rain for the last couple of days and yes, no nanny to regularly check if there is uniform ready for the next day.  the hubby had to spin dry them while i took care of getting the kids out of bed, bathing them, making them drink their milk, brush their teeth.  literally, step by step, i had to tell them what to do!  despite they've been doing the same routine everyday!

then when we brought the little girl to school, she didn't want to be left there because nobody was there yet since it was too early!  so we had to drag her and bring first the little big man to his school and then bring her back just in time to be at least 20 minutes late. and since this is the case, the hubby cannot drive me to work coz he has to bring her back asap.

spell stress.  now at work.  my day has just begun.  wish me luck.

the dynamics of chari's stress

my status message last saturday in my facebook account goes: "....is stressing and de-stressing alternately."

last night, i finally found the right words to describe my present life, so i changed it to: "...is *still* stressing and de-stressing alternately."

this lifestyle is becoming unhealthy. i can become manic depressive anytime now. i need to get out of this. asap. but how does a helpless little girl like me defend herself from the outside world that permeates through the innermost recesses of her if-left-by-itself-contented heart?

my mom once told me that how i deal with my life is really a matter of choice. so i have to choose to be happy. i have to find joy in the simplest things and see the beauty in each person that i encounter. when i have a difficult situation in my hands, i should remember that no pain comes to anybody without a purpose.

so that should be enough to get me out of this rut i am feeling. but i'm in it one day then out the next...in again, out again..... yes, it's crazy. but everyday i get these unwanted feelings about my work and the things i'm supposed to accomplish.

good thing, my life at home has become quite stable these past two weeks. things are looking up for my hubby's business and we see some bright lights ahead. but in my career, i am in a tunnel waiting for when the exit will appear. or if it will appear at all. don't get me wrong. i love my job. i'm good at what i do, of that i am sure. but there's politics everywhere and it blurs the horizon for me. i am not the type who would try to get to the top at the expense of others and it so hurts me to see other people get stepped on. then again, i would tell myself, positively, that i should just let it go. don't let negative stuff affect me. so i feel better for a while. then, it creeps back into my system again. and the cycle continues...

so i await the day that i get over this. meatime, i de-stress...

mommy matters

every single morning for the past few weeks has been nothing but stressful for me. i think i grew older by 5 years or so just by living this past month.

i literally don't have somebody to take care of my kids right now. yes, i've got ima right now but you know, she's old and weak. although, she's very willing to take care of them herself and won't admit that she's incapable of that. but since we started staying at my parents' home again this january, things sort of got a little topsy-turvy for me and cesar and the kids. first, we have to sleep in the makeshift bed in tyrone's room while waiting to move in to our new abode. yes, we're moving to a new dwelling... we're doing this for practical reasons, what with cesar doing work at yohanan.

but i digress. about my stressful life.... every morning, i wake up and julla wakes up too. she's so into me that she never, as in never, wants to leave my arms. just sitting her on my lap won't do for her. she literally wants to be always carried around. by me. nobody else but me. every morning, while carrying julla, migo wakes up whaling if not crying because he doesn't want to wake up yet and go to school, yet. which makes me try all means of persuasion until finally, all pent up emotions of frustration breaks loose and i give him a spanking or a loud scolding. some days, cesar is still there to help in this endeavor. some days, he has to leave early so i'm left to my own ways and means.

making migo take a bath is another episode of all means of persuasion, frustration and spanking/scolding. afterwhich, getting him to dress up for school -- another episode. all that, while i try to get myself fixed up for work while lugging along julla in one arm and brushing my teeth with the other. when finally, somebody (that is, my dad or ima) is available to take julla from me, i am all stressed out and ready to go back to bed and resign to the fact that i am not fit for work for the day. but no -- i take migo's hand and bring him to school -- late. but nontheless, i kiss him and ask him to behave and be good in school, wave and blow him kisses as he walks to his classroom.

now, left to myself, i take a deep sigh and head for work. as it seems, work has become easier than all that i have to deal with in the first 2 hours of the morning. so i breeze through the day. eventhough i have lots of work, i feel it's my relax time. almost 8 hours of pure bliss.

then at six p.m. i hurry home. not because i want to stress myself again but because i want to be with my kids and cesar again. i guess this is how it is. howver tired they make me, however less time i have for myself, i still want to be with them. sometimes, i wonder when will there be time for just me. me, myself and i. hmmm... but could be kinda lonesome without them around.