Wednesday, November 18, 2015


November 3 Tuesday (2 weeks ago)
I was driving home from work and called mmy MOm to inform her that I would be fetching her. Her phone was offline so I called my Dad so he could call her landline to inform her.

November 8 Sunday
My Mom went to a reunion with her brother and sisters. SHe asked me to check on my Dad during the day. To be honest, I was actually afraid of checking in on him. What if I find him unconscious? What if

November 10 Tuesday (1 week ago)
Mom called me to tell me Dad doesn't want to go to the doctor. She told me to start preparing white outfits for her and me and my brothers. You know what that means. I called my younger brother and started bawling. I couldn't take it.

November 18 Wednesday (today)
I went out for errands and brought home Dad's favorite JOllibee palabok. I fed him. Literally. It was the weirdest feeling in the world.

Tuesday, October 06, 2015

OOTD (Conversations)

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I put on an old top that I must've been wearing frequesntly over the past weeks. The little girl said to me to wear something else. That I should wear my other clothes at the back of the closet.
So I took it off and found this girl flowy off shoulder top that I probably used only twice since it was bought months ago. I wore it and showed the little girl. She approved then went to the closet to find a matching black bandage skirt. She let me wear it, stood back and said, "There."in approval.
I stood in front of the mirror and told her, "But I don't like wearing skirt in the office." to which she replied, "Yeah. It makes you look old."
So I took it off and wore my black distressed boyfriend jeans. When the little girl saw me again, she quipped, "That's fine. Cool pants. Nice top."in approval.
The little girl's fashion inclination is manifesting.

Monday, October 05, 2015

I'm Pregnant

Last night, I had the weirdest dream. I don't usually have vivid dreams. I always sleep deeply and if ever I do have dreams, usually, I forget what they're all about come morning. But this.
I was in the market and the vendor was holding my hand and looking at my palm and pointing at my moving pulse and she told me that I was pregnant. I was shocked. I knew I didn't want to have another child. But I knew too that having a new one is a blessing and that I cannot "not want" this one.
I woke up with the purpose of checking out the dream dictionary about what this might mean. As soon as I got to work this morning, I looked it up and found this.
So here I am, pondering about the possibilities. Few weeks ago, a friend/supplier and  I have discussed his plans of getting me as an industrial partner in a business he will be setting up next year. I've been actually looking and opening my doors to new opportunities but so far, nothing concrete has come up. I really hope this is a sign.

Thursday, September 24, 2015


Today my mom asked me to move back to our family home. The home where I grew up in. The home where only she and my Dad are living in now. That old home that I left many years ago and have started to call "my mom and dad's house" instead of home.

A year ago, my Dad was hospitalized for the first time in his entire life. It triggered the start of many medical checkups that found him with liver cirrhosis and end stage liver cancer. On New Year's Day of 2015, while on our way to Tagaytay with my brother's family, he was hospitalized again becuase he was vomitting blood. Many tests and check ups and consultations thereafter, in August of this year, he underwent RFA (Radiofrequency Ablation) wherein a needle was stuck in his tummy towards the tumor in his liver to burn the mass. Masses, prayers, trips to PAdre Pio Shrine is what my Dad believes to be keeping him from anything worse.

The doctor said this month that my Dad can eat anything he wants. This is so he would at least eat. Because he hasn't been eating full meals for the past 6 months! And Dad thinks he's completely healed. Because, according to him, why would the doctor tell him to anything he wants if he's still sick?

So there goes my Mom asking me to move back. I know what it means. She doesn't want to be alone to face the inevitable. And I don't know if I'm strong enough to face it with her.

Friday, September 04, 2015

Stage mom feels 2

Still on that beauty pageant a few days ago. Just for the record.

I was taking a video of the Q&A. The son's question was about how he will boast about his country. He was cool and composed and didn't seem rattled or lost for words, but his answer was way off.

From my left side, I heard someone (perhaps a mom of another contestant) say, ang layo naman ng sagot.

I had to restrain myself from hitting her with my left. You know that feeling when an ambulance alarm starts ringing in your head and heat quickly crawls up from your neck to your face to the top of your head? That's what I felt and if not for the videocam I was holding up, I really would've hit her in the face sideways with my left.

Mothers. You know what I mean.

the hubby

Last week, the hubby, calling through a payphone from where he is, told me he had high blood pressure.


I asked him how he was feeling and if he had medication and when he will be able to see a doctor given his circumstances.

After this he spoke seriously:
Pag nawala ako...kung mawala ako and papalitan mo ko...wag kang pipili ng kagaya ko ha.

I said ok but tears welled up in my eyes. I haven't cried about our situation for the longest time now. But this. I pushed back the tears.

What can I say?

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Stage mom feels

I am the worst kind of mother.

I did not know that today the little big man, who's not so little anymore, who just turned 13 just over a week ago, was one of the contestants in a beauty pageant in school. All the while, I thought he was preparing for a class presentation for their Buwan Ng Wika culminating activity. I even considered going to work today because my boss was hesitant in allowing me to take a leave. At the last minute though, my leave was approved. But really, all the while I thought it was just one of those routine activities that a good mother should attend for her kids. I was so wrong.

How do I describe the feeling? Years ago, I witnessed this little big man fight in his very first taekwondo competition. I had jitters. My hands trembled as I held the videocam to capture the fight. I was a newbie taekwondo parent surrounded by parents of brown- and black-belts who've been through dozens of competitions. That first competition gave him a bronze medal. He came out of it triumphant and went on to dozens more competitions with more bronzes, silvers and golds. And me? I came out even more triumphant with every medal, every fall, every tear. He had as many triumphs as defeats.

Today I was a newbie mom to a teenage son who joined a beauty/talent/intelligence contest for the first time.

It felt exactly the same thing.

I looked on child rearing not only as a work of love and duty 
but as a profession that was fully as interesting and challenging 
as any honorable profession in the world 
and one that demanded the best that I could bring to it.
~Rose Kennedy

Thursday, August 13, 2015

My 13 Thoughts on Your 13th Birthday This August 13

13. I've been a mom for 13 years now. (Who would've thought i'd get this far?)

12. This is a new chapter for you and me. Everybody says the teenage years are the most challenging for parents but the most memorable for their children. I hope we could get through this together and you arrive at your adulthood and my senior life both of us unscathed. (So help us God.)

11. I'd appreciate it if we could stay friends throughout. You did promise me when you were 4 years old that you wouldn't keep secrets from me. So let's take it from there, shall we? It's best to tell your ol' mom your joys, sorrows, triumphs, problems and I promise to be the best listener. Ever.

10. Your sister is your friend as well. I hope and pray that you nurture your relationship with her. Make her feel that she's protected and loved by her older brother. Remember that your future girlfriends will take particular note of how you treat your mother and sister.

9. Though your Dad is not physically present, know that he loves you very much. And you know you can always ask him for guidance and advice on things you cannot ask me. ('Cause he is still the best Dad in the world.)

8. Learning in school is the most important thing to do during your teenage years. It sets the foundation of how you will turn out in your adult life. You wanna be successful yeah? Study hard. It will all be worth it when the time comes and you will be thankful.

7. Independence is something you have started wanting for the past year. The more you will want it in the next years. I'm giving it to you. I give it to you and I trust that you will make sound, reasonable and  balanced decisions. I will always be here to give you advice and guidance. (Just put down your phone and talk to me.)

6. What do I always tell you? Your character is what you do when no one else sees you. Even when no one sees you, always do what is right. And kind. Pray wherever and whenever. There's no limit.

5. Your success in life will be all your doing. No one else's. You define your future. And even your present. (I mean, your now, your present. Not gift. I know what you're thinking.)

4. Don't worry about your height. You'll grow much taller than you already are. Believe me. (I know.)

3. Hugs and kisses and "I love yous' should never EVER run out. You hear me? It reassures me that I'm doing good as your mother.

2. All my promises, I will fulfill them. Not always immediately, but rest assured that I'm trying everything to keep them. I hope you fulfill yours too. 

1. Enjoy your teenage years, my son. How you will live your life at 31 will depend on how you will live your life at 13 onwards.

"There's this boy who stole my heart.
He calls me Mom."

Thursday, June 18, 2015

of dishonesty and bullies

The little girl the other day showed me a crumpled 500 peso bill with wrapped around a bottle of liniment. She said she found it inside her schoolbag. Of course, she knows it's not hers because I don't give her that amount of money for school.

So I told her the most logical thing to do. Give it back. Go see her school's principal and return it to her.

The next day, she got bullied by one of the boys in her class. She said she was walking from the front of the class towards her seat when this boy punched her in the stomach. She curled in pain and cried. When the teacher was told, the teacher's reaction was that the next time the boy punches her, his parents will be called to school.

When told of this, I was furious. But my Mom, (the Grandma) who was told first before me, was even more furious and decided that she will personally go to school and report this incident. It was fine with me since my work nowadays demands that I be at the office always.

Later in the evening, my Mom told me about how she lectured the Discipline Officer in school about bullying. It was a little funny because knowing my Mom, I'm sure they heard a handful of her wisdom. She'd made her mark on the school officials, I must say, esp that officer and the Principal.

The little girl later told me she returned the money and liniment bottle to the principal. The principal told her, "You're honest huh. Ang laking pera nito at ibinalik mo." Then she left.

Much later, the principal went to her class and asked for her and told her, "I forgot to tell you, very good for what you did."

Goodness is about character - integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like. More than anything else, it is about how we treat people. 
~ Dennis Prager

Friday, June 05, 2015

Liminal Space

This morning, I attended a worship service at the office which I initially thought was a first Friday mass. 

The pastor spoke about Liminal space and the Liminality of God.

Great, I thought. This is exactly where i am right now.  I couldn't help but post this on IG right after.

This past month of May has been a month of transition, decisions of going forward or staying behind, major life changes. 

I brought the little girl to voice lessons. She also went on a 2-day acting workshop which she immensely enjoyed more than the singing which took a few weeks.

I got a new seat / desk at work at the corner of the 2nd floor office. As if that's a major life change but then now it's more airy and spacious so I guess that will affect my work attitude and flow.

The boss asked me if I wanted to level up. He wanted me to take on the responsibility of being Division Head. The following day I talked to the VP for HR and told her I didn't wanna. I knew it was something I shouldn't do, being that, the dynamics of the company will only make me the fall guy. I am happily placed already where I am and doing good at it. So why spoil the broth. My VP told me the same.

I decided to transfer the kids to a new school. Practical reasons. Lower tuition fees, no school bus service, being that it's walking distance from our house. Shorter school hours too. More time to sleep in the morning and will get home early in the afternoon. They will still be tutored by my cousin and I have high hopes they will excel this year.

I finally bought that new car I've been pining over since last year. I will now be able to go anywhere I want with the kids, independent of anyone to drive for us.

I've contacted a prospective employer. We've planned a meeting to discuss things but so far nothing concrete yet. But he did say he's definitely considering me on his team. Which is something I am holding on to.

My sister-in-law who's been helping me and hubby has been having her own personal problems. She and her kids slept over one weekend this May. I want to be there for her emotionally but we don't get to talk often.

The start of June has been nothing but positive for me. I can say I'm contented and happy right now. Something happened with the hubby last weekend where he is right now and it got me worried for a while but I guess he can deal with it. I'm praying for him constantly. 

I'm looking forward to better days ahead.

It is not the strongest of the species that survive,
nor the most intelligent,
but the one most responsive to change.
~ Charles Darwin

A good read:

Monday, May 18, 2015


I've been thinking about it for the last 13 months. At the start of 2015, the desire was too great not to do something about it. (It is more of a need, actually, not a want. Yes, I am justifying my action.)

His name is Bruce. He's small for a guy but quite brusque in my opinion. He's black. Please, no judgment there. He's actually cute and charming but has this air of being smug, sort of reserved and secretive. My dad didn't like him when he met him. But all dads are like that. He wanted Red but at the last minute, I chose this guy.

My daughter wanted to call her Nicki. I asked her why. Her reply: Nicki Mirage.  

Just this morning, I've decided she/he will be named Nicki Bruce. 
Gender: Gay. Yeahhh! Lalaki sa umaga, babae sa gabi at pag weekends. 

P.S. In January 2015, en route to Baguio with my family, we first went to Manaoag and as I saw cars lined up to be blessed, I made a mental note to have mine blessed there too. I didn't realize Our Lady was listening. 

The cars we drive say a lot about us.
~Alexandra Paul

Sometimes it's the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination.


Thursday, May 14, 2015


Today I did the unforgiveable.Or sometimes, I think it is.

I officially transferred the kids to a new school.

Saturday, May 02, 2015


I was told this actually happened a few days back.

The little big man (who, by the way, is no longer little) put a lock on his phone using his image. The way it goes is that the phone only opens if he puts his face in front of it and it detects that it is him trying to unlock it.

The little girl, naughty as she is, put her face in front of the phone.

And walah!!! It opened!!!

Now who still says they don't look alike? 

Monday, April 13, 2015

Rite of passage

Today is one of those days. The nanny hasn't come back from her supposedly 2-week vacation. Last week, my boss told me not to be absent from work for the rest of the month. The little big man has to go to school to finish clearance for his 7th grade before release of his report card this week. 

So this morning I had to leave the little girl at home with Ima. I knew she was sad because she will be left at home to fend for herself. Ima is virtually non-existent in terms of being a guardian to her, but at least she's there to be with.

When Migs and I went downstairs, I heard the little girl calling out following us downwards. I stopped and thought she might be crying out of sadness. When I met her at the foot of the stairs, she came to me and in a hushed voice, asked:

Mommy, pwede ako maglaba?

I broke into a smile. 

Back story: Last week, she watched me do the laundry using our washing machine and said she wanted to do it.

So I dropped Migs at school and got to work. Once there, I received a message from the little girl: 

This day marked the day my little girl became a grown-up.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015


Leftover. Untouched milk. First day of final exams for the schoolyear and the little big man (who is not so little anymore, mind you) did not drink his milk before leaving for school. I always told him to never take tests without milk in his tummy.

Another schoolyear is almost through. 4 days of tests and we're done with 3rd and 7th grade. How time flies indeed.

Yesterday I was told that my Dad has a year to live. He'd undergone lots of tests, went to a third doctor last Friday for a third opinion on his liver cirrhosis. And yesterday around 1pm, my sister-in-law tells me this. I'm putting it out there as bluntly as I was informed. No small talk, just straight out, flat out truth. I wept, yes. I've been in denial for the last couple of months since his first hospitalization in October.

How time flies. Indeed.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015


Ok so I'm blogging while inside a cab on my way to work. Yeah the last one was while I was having a pedi. It seems that I have found that these situations are opportunities to write (blog) my thoughts and musings and whatever.

Anyway, yesterday I found out our company has a new HR Manager who was introduced the day before, when I skipped work. So I didn't get to be introduced to her.

So I was would I introduce myself to her, in a speech of some sort?

Hi, I'm Chari. I'm the Product Development Manager of Denim & Bottoms. I've been with the company longer than anybody else, except for the owner's relatives and friends.

Geez. Statement. Pathetic.

Monday, March 16, 2015


Today I skipped worked to run errands for the kids. I guess, to be honest, to get some much needed me time. I'm at the salon now as i write getting a pedi. Seriously considering getting a haircut and curls but not yet decided. I might watch a movie by myself later at home.

The first thing I did this morning after the kids left for school was water the plants, which i havent done for quite a few months since I hired a househelp. I just might get the house cleaned and do the laundry later in the day. After all, it's only lunch time.

Earlier i went to the post office to mail a letter for the little girl's homework. Then I ate at that old hole in the wall lugawan near the old city hall where the hubby and I used to crash. I was reminiscing the old days and will have to admit, I kinda miss it.

Much earlier, my brother and I were vibing about getting my own car. Easier said than done though. I really must work harder in order to get things rolling financially for my little family.

I've not blogged for the last few weeks so  I feel I have a lot to say. But my mind is reeling of things that happened over the last 3 months.

Like, I started a loaning business. Like, the hubby thing.

Like, no taekwondo training for the little big man for the longest time.

Like, my Dad has liver cirrhosis and he doesn't realize that it's degenerative and I'm like wtf, it doesn't sink in.

Like, my new Samsung Note4 last February.

Like, I was Ninang for the first time at a wedding.

Like, I was sort of big shot at work for the last couple of months because of the jogger trend which has become the cash cow for quite a while now.

Like, my kids are always arguing and fighting, sometimes getting violent with each other.

Oh geez, pedicure is done. Till next.