Wednesday, December 25, 2013

hello, world!

merry christmas, everyone!

time, truly, does fly so fast when you're having fun.  well, not really always having fun.  but i do believe in cherishing every moment so we may be able to relive it in down times.

on the day before christmas, my unico hijo, the little big man became officially... a man.  


Sorry, anak, for posting this.  But you may want to look back at this someday so here it is. ;-)


Friday, December 20, 2013

a letter to the little big man on his recollection day

so i was in the hospital for a week and missed an important event in my son's young life:  his 6th grade recollection.  the school sent us a letter saying we parents have to be their on the afternoon of the second day with a letter for our child.  i sent my mom over instead.

and here goes my letter.

Dear Migo,

Well how was your recollection?  I'm pretty sure much has been learned and realized these past 2 days.  Maybe you have matured too?  I can only guess.

I've always said this, time and time again:  You, Migo, are MABAIT na bata.  Of that, I am so proud.  Despite being makulit and pasaway, I know that you are one kind-hearted young man.  You are smart, hard-working, loving.  

I'm sorry, anak, that I can't be with you today.  I'm also sorry I can't even write legibly because I'm attached to a dextrose =) (And I have to write your Dad's letter for you later pa!)

I'm sorry if sometimes I am unable to give you what you want.  You know your mommy's limitations right?  I'm also sorry if sometimes I side with Julla even if she's the one who hurt you.  I'm sorry if sometimes you think I'm unfair or I don't understand you or I neglect you.  I'm sorry for the times I've hurt you physically and emotionally.  I'm sorry if sometimes I disappoint you when sometimes I don't know the answer to your question.  

You know, the only thing I want in this world is for you to be happy.  To soar high.  To achieve your goals.  To reach your dreams.  You asked me once, what do I pray for?  And I said I prayed to God that He gives you what you prayed for.  That has always been my prayer.

I love you so so much.


Wednesday, December 18, 2013

13 Things I Learned From My Hospital Bed

And so I was hospitalized for 4 days.  In between getting high on fever and f***ing-hard-on-the-abs chills, I found myself looking at my life from the outside of my body and realized a few things.  At one point, I even had that Insidious-movie-like experience wherein I felt myself dreaming and going somewhere else astrally.  (if there's such a word)

Anyway, here goes some of my musings.

1.  I'm a dextrose addict.  I almost always feel better when attached to it.

2.  I will never look at mocha-flavored icing cake the same way again.  Very graphic in my mind so I won't explain anymore.

3.  True caring friends surprise visit you and you're all touched coz they remembered you....... and then they go out for lunch.

4.  The transvaginal whatever apparatus!

5.  Extracorporeal Shock Wave Lithotripsy.  No, it's not some house music that makes you tipsy.  It's a non-invasive treatment of kidney stones.

6.  The hubby is imperfect and it took this trip to the hospital to prove that even more.

7.  Even if nothing hurts, you don't know for sure that you're not sick somewhere inside so it's always best to see a doctor.

8.  100% of male doctors are gay.  (Well, at least, based on the doctors I saw during this confinement.)

9.  A warm blanky can only do so much when the chills kick in; but a cuddly little girl beside me drives the cold away.

10.  My Mom will always, always be there for me.

11.  I cannot be a Mom and be sick at the same time.  And so, the decision has been made.

12.  That old adage that goes, "Health is wealth."

13.  I am Superwoman.

There is one consolation in being sick;
and that is the possibility that you may recover to a better state
than you were in before.

- Henry David Thoreau

Tuesday, December 03, 2013

julla's eyes

six or so months ago, the little girl was diagnosed with astigmatism.  we were enrolling in 2nd grade and part of the procedure was the standard medical exam.  during the eye test, she couldn't see most of line 8.  which was pretty  bad for a 7-year old like her.  she was also confirmed to be near-sighted.  something which i know she got from me, my mom and the rest of my mom's genes.

last weekend, we finally had her fitted with eyeglasses.  i didn't realize kids' eyeglasses were expensive.  but she was too cute not to let her get those lavander framed specs.

so now she doesn't have to sit on the classroom platform in order to copy her notes.  she can now see clearly the image of mama mary when going to church, much less, read the songs on the screen.  she can watch television from the bed instead of standing right in front of it.  and most of all, she can experience her world more through her new set of eyes. :)

The eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me; 
my eye and God's eye are one eye, one seeing, one knowing, one love.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013


three days ago.

this story is supposed to be about my two kids'  taekwondo tournament but it's gonna segue into a totally different, devastating story.  that is a forewarning.

it was the bulacan taekwondo championships held in marilao convention center in, where else, bulacan.  the kids were psyched for another fight and so were hubby and me.  i can say that we live for days like these.  it just makes us plain happy.

little girl was sent to the mats early and won her first game without a sweat.  (that's me, the mom, talking.)  second game was a breeze.  (again, proud mom moment.)  

her finals match was unexpected.  she was up against an older girl but with the same height, the younger sister of a veteran champ in clraa (central luzon ahtletic association or something) and although wearing a white belt, we expect has been training way longer than my little girl.  little girl overwhelmingly lost her finals match.  and her tears of furstration and hurt were overwhelming as well.  i consoled her of course that it was not something to be ashamed of and that we're all still proud of her.


little big man's first game was a breeze too.  then finals match was definitely not hard but sadly, he lost by 1 point.  he was disappointed of course, being hungry for another gold again but i guess, luck wasn't on his side.... yet.  coach told hubby that the little big man already has everything -- skills, form, speed -- we just have to be a little more patient and we will harvest soon. this guy's time will come.  i've said this time and time again, everytime he loses, because i strongly believe so.


towards late afternoon, the intense games of the kids' high school teammates got us all worked up and cheering on the sides.  it became an opportunity for some nitwit to steal my handbag which i left on a chair together with our team's bags and equipment.  the thief singled out my bag because i left our low bat iPad®  inside.  he must've been around already since morning, checking out who would be neglectful of their belongings, and i turned out to be the unknowing victim.

when i found my chair without my bag, i told the hubby and we informed coach who announced it over the microphone to please be mindful of belongings since a parent (me!!) lost her bag.  a little while later, coach's wife when she found out, told us she noticed an abandoned bag inside one of the stinky toilets.  and there it was.  my ransacked bag without the iPad and my wallet.

three lessons in losing today:

1)  the little girl's loss tells me that despite doing your best, if the other person who beat you is way ahead of you, you have to accept.  but you better train harder so you will be as good as her, if not better.

2)  the little big man's loss tells me that being the winner is not a one-time thing.  the process of getting there, overcoming obstacles, learning and maturing marks the true champion.  his time will come.

3)  and what did i learn from my loss?  never leave your personal belongings unattended.  God bless that nitwit thief.  and God bless me more.

“Winning or losing achieves the same result-- change.” 

Thursday, October 24, 2013


this is what i posted on facebook this morning as i rode a cab on my way to work.  the caloocan division meet in taekwondo was held yesterday and the little big man got a silver.  i've been putting off posting the result since last night coz i didn't know how to "announce" to the world the result.  coz when you think about it, when you get a silver, it means you didn't get the gold.

the little big man did NOT get the gold.  but migo knew he got the gold.  we knew he got the gold, our coach knew he got the gold, the referee knew he got the gold.  DAMN IT, EVEN HIS OPPONENT KNEW MIGO GOT THE GOLD.

but he didn't.  the scorers didn't see it the way everybody else saw it.

and that's what makes me want to give out a prolonged high-pitched cry of a combination of pain, grief and anger.  had he gotten the gold, he would've been on his way to the NCR (national capital region) games where if he won, he would've gone on to compete in palarong pambansa.  which is what he has always wanted.


i remember myself praying repeatedly in my head "ibigay mo sa kanya 'to Lord, ibigay mo sa kanya 'to Lord.." the whole time i was recording on video the game.  when i saw the final decision, i wanted to break down but i held on and completed recording.  i looked at the little big man's face void of emotion.  but i knew, i knew, he was too disappointed to speak. 

but i know too that God's reason for this is that He has far more opportunities to give to my little big man.  the way he has matured in this game, the way he has worked hard to be where he is now, i know that soon he will realize his dream of becoming an undisputed champion.

for now, the gold is his determination to move on and keep training and learning and doing his best.  he has that gold.

i'm never gonna give up the way i know he will never give up.  just you wait and see.

Sometimes by losing a battle, 
you find a new way to win the war.
~ Donald Trump

Monday, October 21, 2013


i was in the gym last week waiting for my little big man and little girl who were in taekwondo training.  the coach's daughter, 6 years old engaged me in a no-nonsense conversation which went on like this:

coach's daughter sits beside me on the bench then says,  what did you look like when you were a child?

me, after thinking for a few split seconds, i looked like julla when i was a child. 

she turns to look at my daughter julla who was busy with their taekwondo drills out on the mats.  then she turns back at me, you looked like that?

yes, but i was darker.

she turns to look at julla again then back at me.  then bluntly, she says, you're black.

of course, i was quick to retort, calmly,  i'm not black.  i'm brown.

she looks at julla again then says, julla is light brown.


Monday, October 14, 2013


our little family went on a roadtrip last weekend to orani, bataan. we went to celebrate the feast of our lady of the rosary, which not many of you know, is where my first name rosario was derived from by my dad, who is a devotee.

we went to the 11am mass and afterwards, watched the banda ng mosiko, while my dad related his stories to my kids about how it used to be when he was young there in their town.

then we went to my cousin's house and had lunch.  

best part of the day were the kids enjoying their short but fun time bonding with their cousins that they didn't want to go home when it was time.  the little big man was literally begging me to let him stay overnight.  of course, that wasn't possible so hubby and i promised them we'll come back on the 31st and stay overnight.  i understand how much they long to be with their cousins and i'm glad they've built friendships and bonds with them that will last forever.

"a cousin is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost."

Monday, October 07, 2013

love in its simplest form

today i'm talking about love in its simplest form.  it's been a while again that i have not blogged.  many good and not so good things have happened which i have failed to document in this blog.  but yesterday, God sort of nudged me a bit that made me want to write (blog) about it.

my little family and i were at sunday mass which was packed full.  the kids and i fit in a pew while the hubby was in the pew in front of us.  beside him was a much more little family than ours.

a man, two sons.  one son had down syndrome.  the other was normal, around 18 years old.  

since they were right in front of me, i could see their little gestures and affectionate pats on the arm, loving smiles and the dad's sweet kiss on his son with down syndrome's cheek.  they were a picture of a happy, contented family who loved one another dearly.  i wondered where their mom might be?

later, hubby told me, since he was sitting beside the normal son that he saw him show his brother his cellphone, took his brother's hand and let him touch with his fingers the touchscreen phone.  and it brightened his brother's face.

wow.  love.

i took this as an opportunity to make sermon my kids again as to how they should be loving each other.  of course, as always, they didn't seem to be listening to me.  but i know in my mind that they are keeping these life lessons in their hearts.

“I sustain myself with the love of family.” 

Wednesday, June 26, 2013


at the newly opened Joy Avenue Foodstore:

little girl was lingering while there were no customers.  my brother's kumpare was there, who incidentally has the same family name as ours so the hubby calls him 'insan (meaning: cousin).

'insan came over the softdrinks fridge, calling out 'nay pahingi ako ng royal. (<-softdrinks font="">

bayaran mo yan ha, said the little girl.  so she thought, by saying "pahingi" the guy was literally asking for it for free.

ayoko nga bayaran.  bakit ko babayaran e pinsan ako ng may-ari?

e ako nga anak ako ng may-ari nagbabayad ako e.

ayoko pa rin bayaran, 'insan taunted her, laughing as he said this.

the little girl, obviously pissed, retorted, ta-taekwondohin na kita.  marunong ako mag-taekwondo.  lumalaban ako ng lalaki, tumatalo ako ng lalaki.

to which 'insan and everybody within earshot started laughing.  and usually, when she's laughed at, the little girl gets really annoyed. she said, naiinis na ko sa yo.  iiyak na ko! then  broke down in tears.

Friday, June 14, 2013

New Year

Oh yeah, I was supposed to blog about a few things....

It's a New Year in different ways for me so let me run down those "few" things I wanted to blog about for the last 3 months that I was in hiatus from this blog.

New school year.  The little big man, who is 10 years old, is now in 6th grade.  Schoolyear 2013-2014.  Can you believe that?  I must change the picture on the top of this blog soon.  That was so 5 years ago.  (I guess)  And the little girl, who is 7 years old, is in 2nd grade.

CPU and external hard drive are dead.  Yes, 2 weeks ago, my Seagate 500gig external hard drive containing most of my family pictures for the last 8 years, just went kaput.  And just this weekend, our family's personal computer crashed.  I need to start over.  I don't need to tell you how devastated I am about all that I've literally lost.  I did not shed tears but you can imagine my insides falling apart piece by piece as the computer tech told me that none of my data stored in all of that can be retrieved.  

Back  to old coach.  The little big man started training again with his former taekwondo coach.  Yeah, the one who disowned him some 2 years ago.  We've been wanting to communicate with him for the past year and the few times we've connected in some tournaments, he was friendly enough for us to eventually tell him that we wanted our little girl to start training with him.  And then he asked, what about the little big man?  So we took it as an invitation for us to come back and train with him again.  And we did.  There's no turning back.  So last May, both kids went into rigid 4 times a week training with him.  

Home-grown.  In connection with that training, the little girl , after training for about 3 weeks, went into her first official tournament, albeit a mini-tournament.  It was so mini that she did not have an opponent in her category who is a girl.  So, the organizers pitted her against boys.  Yes, she sparred with 2 boys within her height range.  And she won over both. Her first official gold medal in taekwondo has been sealed.

New business.  So after all the ups and downs of the previous year, the parents helped hubby and I put back together the canteen.  It's now located in our own yard converted into a cozy enough, decent enough canteen for students and for the neighborhood.  We called it Joy Avenue Foodstore, derived from our street name, Ligaya Street.  

Work-related.  Last December, the office renovation got semi-completed and my department was moved back up to the 2nd floor.  My new place is right in front of the door leading to the warehouse.  Last April, my Chinese friend and supplier noticed I'd been sickly the last couple of months.  I told her it was probably because of the crazy schizophrenic weather and that I was seated in front of the door that pushes in warm air everytime it opens and closes.  To this, she was appalled.  She said, in Feng Shui, it is bad luck to be working right in front of a door because the negative energy is right at you.  Aside from that, my back was towards the door so I could be prone to back-stabbing, literally and figuratively.  For this, I requested my bosses if we could have a wall put behind me to block the door, to which they immediately said yes.  But to this day, 2 months later, still nada.  

Still work-related but on the side.  I tried to revive SALT last February but my full-time job just keeps me too busy and tired.  So after a few successes for 2 months, I am lying low on this biz again.  My time will come.

Babies.  My younger brother has a new baby.  Cheska was born last March.  My PD Officer Jacq is pregnant and is due in late July or early August.  Her baby's name is gonna be Yuri.

I know I have a lot more to update but this will be all for now.  I will try my best to blog often so I won't forget.

Friday, March 08, 2013

gay and you know it

it's been a while.  more than 4 months.  i actually have a lot to blog about but...

...but some of it, i forgot, some of it...not anymore relevant.

but a recent event in my family life got me back to blogging.  two weeks ago, i became godmother to a friend's first-born son.  the group of friends at the reception were mostly friends from my work who have already resigned so it was some sort of reunion for most of us.  anyway, as many of you know, i have a lot of gay friends in the industry.  and there they all were.

the reception at cafe mary grace in greenbelt 2 sent my 2 kids interacting with my gay friends.  i do not regret that they had first-hand experience of conversations involving guys having crushes on guys and a guy friend with a boyfriend.  to which my often brutally-honest son remarked, they're boyfriends? oh my god, what is happening to our country? 

fast forward to the next weekend.  we attended the swimming / luau party of my daughter's classmate.  there, we met her classmate, a syrian and her chinese-looking mom and a lesbian for a dad.  to which my daughter asked me, wide-eyed, when she saw the mom being carried by the dad towards the pool, is that her DAD??

after both weekends, i explained to my kids how these people are not any different from us, that as long as they are kind and don't do anything bad to you, they should be alright to have around.  they are in fact, more fun to be with, more down-to-earth and real people.  and we should never judge people for their sexual preference.

for a while there, i got worried that my kids got exposed at a young age to this reality in life.  but then, after i explained to them, i was more than happy that they are knowledgeable now regarding this.  better that they learned it from me than from somebody else.  for now, i am quite sure though that both of them are straight guy and straight girl.