Wednesday, December 28, 2011

year ender

and just like that, my favorite time of the year has come and gone.  i've literally waited all year for december, believing that things always get better this season.  the last stretch was the worst time and it made me glad that things worked out eventually.  all in God's time.  i knew i should just believe in His plans.

some really good things happened over the christmas holiday though.  material things.  the new ipad 2, the new refrigerator, the goodies the family got from family and friends, the baguio trip.  spiritually, i believe the little family has gone a little more deeper in faith.  

and as 2011 comes to a close, here's hoping for a brighter year ahead.  looking forward to another new beginning.  and making things right.  abundance!!!!


Thursday, December 15, 2011

the sculptor

today i am reminded of that anecdote from way back my SADE days some 20 years ago.  it's a story about a sculptor who was always dissatisfied with his life, always wanting something else aside from what he already had. 

one day, he chanced upon a king who was passing by in a grand chariot and he admired how magnificent and powerful the king was.  he became so envious that he shouted to the heavens, i wish i were king!  the heavens opened up and a ray of light shined upon the sculptor and right then and there, he became a king.

now a happy king, he lived in a castle and ruled a vast and rich country.  until one day, he walked out on his palace's patio and was overwhelmed by the glare of the sun's blinding light.  he couldn't believe something was more magnificent than he.  he became so envious that he shouted to the heavens, i wish i were the sun!  the heavens opened up and a ray of light shined upon the king and right then and there, he became the sun.

later that afternoon, as the new sun shone upon the whole vast country that he once ruled as a king, a gray cloud came by.  it covered the sun and the sun, being permanently in place couldn't do anything about it.  and it realized that this cloud, however gloomy and sad it is, has power over the sun.  he became so envious that he shouted to the heavens, i wish i were a cloud!  the heavens opened up and a ray of light shined upon the sun and right then and there, he became a cloud.

pretty soon, the cloud felt itself getting heavier and heavier.  and after a while, it felt itself transforming into tiny drops of rain.  each drop fiercely fell down on the land below.  it couldn't do anything about it and decided to concentrate dropping on an immovable piece of rock on the ground.  but no matter how hard the rain fell on the rock, it would not budge.  no sir, not one bit.  and the rain was aghast!  he became so envious that he shouted to the heavens, i wish i were a rock!  the heavens opened up and a ray of light shined upon the rain and right then and there, he became a rock.

several weeks passed.  the rock sat quietly on the side of the road.  it knew that it was more powerful than the sculptor, the king, the sun, the cloud and the rain.  unmoving.  unaffected.  lonely.  

until one day, a young man walked past the rock, looked back at it, picked it up and took it home.  the young man then took out a hammer and a chisel and little by little, sculpted the rock a new shape that will later on be admired by generations.  


and the rock knew the power that he had always had inside of him.  he was no longer envious.  and he whispered to the heavens, i wish i were the sculptor that i once was.


"The soul of the world is nourished by people's happiness.
And also by unhappiness, envy and jealousy.
To realize one's destiny is a person's only obligation.
All things are one. "
- The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho


Monday, December 12, 2011

Fix You - Coldplay





When you try your best and you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth


Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I


Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and I will try to fix you



Wednesday, December 07, 2011

days after

it's been long since i went to a bank and made a deposit.  most of the time, somebody does my bank errands for me.  today was a different story.  


so when i got there, i saw that the "bar" where you get the deposit slips, withdrawal slips and all those slips was empty.  i politely asked the guard where should i get.  he said there were no more such slips and instead i had to use the touchscreen computer to enter my data.  a nice young woman in a scrubsuit even taught me.


i guess i should start getting used to doing things by myself.  self reliance.

Sunday, December 04, 2011

DAY 1

it is official and i don't know how long i will keep count but i long for the day that i no longer have to because i am completely over this.  i don't know if i should keep posting on this blog or start a new one.  because today marks the beginning of a new phase in my life.  


so here's something that will get me through this day and the coming days.  




i will continue to believe in choosing to be happy, the silver lining behind every cloud, the rainbow after the rain and better days ahead.

Thursday, December 01, 2011

conversations (the trick question)

after we turned off the lights last night and the little girl was all snuggled and comfy beside me, her brother the little big man on her other side while her dad the hubby on his newly-purchased matress on the floor beside our bed:


mommy, sinong mahal mo?


~~~~~~~~~~~
backgrounder:  the little girl is obsessed about knowing that i love her most.  she constantly needs reaffirmation of this fact and usually asks randomly like that.  i used to reply to this question with my truest, safest answer, which is kayong dalawa ng kuya mo.  to which she would disagree and would insist that i choose only one.  and i would tell her that i cannot choose only one because i love them both equally -- as my son and as my daughter.  


usually, conversations like these are open-ended and it disappoints her that she is not loved more than her brother.  but i stand by my answer.  until a couple of months or so ago, i was talking with the little big man and we happened to discuss this issue.  i told him that whenever his sister asks this question, i have a hard time with her.  and he told me it's ok with him to tell her (or make her believe) that she is more loved than he. he understands because she's still young and cannot decipher yet.  but he does know i've loved him for 9 years now and his sister for 5 and it will be ok for him to hear that i love his sister more than he, for the sake of his sister's satisfaction.  he is confident enough that i love him as much, period.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

so last night, upon popping the question, the little big man and i nudged each other knowingly.  while i know in the darkness, the hubby breaks into a smile.


so i answered, alam mo naman sagot di ba?


and she goes, eh basta sagutin mo yung tanong ko.  sinong mahal mo?  may kasunod pang tanong dun.


so i rolled my eyes and hugged her to me and proudly said,  syempre ikaw.






WAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! in the silence and darkness of our bedroom, she literally bawled and broke into tears.  i jumped up and gathered her in my arms to comfort her only to be pushed away by her little arms and hands as she shouted dejectedly,  hindi mo ko mahal, hindi mo ko mahal!!!


i tried to calm her, asking her why was she reacting that way when i was sure it was the answer she wanted to hear.


kase yung susunod na tanong ko, sinong pinakamahal mo!  (more sobs, tears and stomping of her feet in the air, and crossing of her arms so i couldn't make her hug me back)   hindi ako pinakamahal mo!


then, laughter.  from the hubby her dad.  from the little big man her brother.  while i tried to suppress mine, it still came out and broke her heart even more.  she cried some more while i still tried to hug her to me.  


pinagtatawanan nyo pa ko! hindi nyo ko mahal lahat kayo!


later, after some explanations, she calmed down.


ang daya mo naman kase.  trick question na nga yung una, may second trick question pa pala.


this kid -- she's just impossible aint she?  :-D  this story i will add to my imaginary box of cute memorable conversations with the little girl.  together with the story of the upo and blast from the past.




A child can ask questions that even a wise man cannot answer.
- Author unknown




Wednesday, November 30, 2011

shark bait

Don't think that there are no sharks 
just because the water is calm.






today marks the little big man's return to taekwondo training.  


last october 19, during training, he sprained his ankle upon hitting his teammate's thigh.  thinking it wasn't a big deal, he competed in the SCAA four days later only to aggravate the hurt ankle even more.  after that, we decided to let it heal first before training again.  after a week, it still hurt whenever he stretched his foot so we went to a rehab doctor who put him on a 4-session therapy to help it heal and advised not to stress his foot for the next 2 weeks.  which meant no running, no jumping and most of all, no kicking until the 3rd week of november.


so today, he's back.  as i watched him warming up, doing his ___ and study sparring, it seemed to me that he didn't even slip over the last month in the intensity of his kicks.  it seemed to me that he got even stronger and more confident.  perhaps it's because he missed training and gave it his all tonight.  or perhaps it's just me, the mother, who thinks her kid is the greatest in the world.  


i guess i'm just happy he's at it again.  and looking forward to fulfilling his dreams.


and so i say, watch out world, sharkboy is back.  

Friday, November 25, 2011

Better Days - Goo Goo Dolls





and you ask me what i want this year
and i try to make this kind and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
coz i don't need boxes wrapped in strings
and desire and love and empty things
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

so take these words
and sing out loud
coz everyone is forgiven now
coz tonight's the night the world begins again

and it's someplace simple where we could live
and something only you can give
and that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive
and the one poor child that saved this world
and there's 10 million more who probably could
if we all just stopped and said a prayer for them


so take these words
and sing out loud
coz everyone is forgiven now
coz tonight's the night the world begins again

i wish everyone was loved tonight
and somehow stop this endless fight
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days


so take these words
and sing out loud
coz everyone is forgiven now
coz tonight's the night the world begins again
coz tonight's the night the world begins again







Thursday, November 24, 2011

look! a rainbow!

this morning, on the cab on our way to the little big man's school we saw this:


sorry it's blurred, i was inside a moving vehicle when i shot this.  it's a rainbow, in case you can't recognize it. it's special because it's a full arch -- as in half a circle which sent me a lot more positive vibes.


last night was another restless night.  i was finally able to download "Sound of Music" for my mom.  yes, the 1965 classic which she has been requesting since about two weeks ago when i also had restless nights. funny how i am able to accomplish things when there are restless nights.  so ok, i'm being redundant.  but my life *has* actually become redundant with the burden that God is putting me through right now.  i know this will pass and i am hanging on.  i don't know His plans for me and my family but i believe if He put me to this, He'll get me through this.  

another "good" thing about these restless nights is that i am also able to watch the new tv series that i want (new girl, 2 broke girls) and update on the old ones i missed (glee, big bang theory) because no one is bugging me to watch other shows.  i am able to sleep at whatever time i want and go on the internet until forever.  my kids' nanny has been helpful, both physically and emotionally and i am grateful for the time we spend talking and she giving me encouragement.  who would've thought she could become my friend?  my mom had nothing but kind words of hope and support and surprisingly, my dad is calmer and only wishes me to handle this with compassion.

i've looked through the internet for ways to help myself and my little family and i know with time and patience, we will overcome this.

so like in my last post, this post is testament to my faith in the rainbow after the rain, the silver lining behind every cloud and a happier me once all this is over.




God measures a person with the burden He puts on him.  
So when we feel our load is heavier than the rest, 
be happy for God sees us stronger than the rest.
-SMS sent by chinggu just this morning




Notes:
Week before Migo's bday, 10k?? Forgot
Week before Oct 23, Nem's wedding, 6k
Nov 8 - 17, 16k
Nov 23 - 25, 2k

Monday, November 21, 2011

barf

feel so sick i'm gonna barf on my office table right about... now.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

the silver lining





i'm sad as shit right now.  but i don't want it to get to me.  so i've decided to write down the things i have to thank for so as not to feel the hurt.  i have to re-affirm to myself that i am still blessed despite the troubles i am going through.  surely, there are more people in far more worse situations than what i am in right now.

for starters, i am super thankful for my two wonderful kids.  they make me crazy most of the time, when they argue or try to compete for attention but hey, i cannot ask for anybody else.  they're my treasures.  and i'm glad that they love me back even if i scream at them at times.  and i know they won't ask for another mom too.

secondly, i am mega thankful for my friends.  my younger set of colleagues keep me sane at work.  the gays add the spice to living daily in our office.  also, my best friends who i get to talk to online for they're far away are also present in my daily struggles.  these people don't have a clue as to my pain thereby giving me spontaneity and a sense of normalcy.  they don't know how much they're helping me cope.

i am uber grateful for my mom and my dad who understands me and let's me be.  


i am very thankful to God for giving me problems He knows i can handle.  indeed, there is always a silver lining in every cloud.  i haven't seen it yet but i know, it will be visible soon.  i just have to trust and have faith.


Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to. 
George Seaton

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

realize

just after my blog entry last wednesday, about choosing to be happy, i received a call about a job interview.  it's been a while that my friend from that company has asked me if i wanted to try it out with them. 

to make a long story short, i went to that interview, was given a job offer on the same day, was asked to start immediately on december 1.  and i was left with a realization.

that i seriously did not want to do it.  that getting the same job as i have right now is no longer what's in my heart.  and i knew, the decision has been made a long time ago.  i only needed this to know, for sure.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

choose to be happy



as much as a lot of things should be depressing me right now, i am choosing to be happy.  a lot of things are happening that are not favorable, if not downright unpleasant and unwanted.

work, for one thing, has become a roller-coaster ride gone awry.  by that, you'd think i'm exaggerating.  but no.  it has indeed become the weirdest place on earth.  there have become new policies, restrictions and people who i cannot fathom as to why those things happened.  sorry to say, boss, if you're reading this.  i have been dedicated to my job in the company for the last 5 years.  5 YEARS!  most of the things promised me years ago have gone to naught and some benefits i had were retracted.  in its place, doubts to an upward career path.  i'm not ungrateful though.  there are some things that the company has given like the 5pm off in place of my favorite flexi schedule.  (i hated it when they told us no more flexi schedule but like all lowly employees, i did not have a choice!)  

this morning, it took me the whole ride to the little big man's school before i decided if i wanted to go to work or not.  coz i honestly, did NOT want to.

i do not wish to enumerate anymore because, like i said, i'm choosing to be happy.  i will look forward to a better day today.  maybe clean my table and start fresh or something.  

or maybe, i'll go home by lunchtime. 


Man is fond of counting his troubles but he does not count his joys.  
If he counted them up as he ought to, 
he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.

~Fyodor Dostoevsky

Friday, November 04, 2011

shakira





the little girl has discovered a new interest.


belly-dancing.


last night when i got home, she told me to watch her belly-dance.  she asked the hubby to look up that shakira video on you tube and she was gonna show me.  i watched her wiggle her bum and shake her hips like yeah.  she even did it in slow-mo.  


whew.  now looking for a belly-dancing class for her.

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Quotable Quotes

it's right after a 4-day weekend and i had to literally drag myself to work this morning.  i woke up the usual hour at 5 but played with my tab for a good 30 minutes before going to the shower.  i folded worn clothes for the laundry, fixed the elastic adjuster on the little big man's shorts, sorted out the disarray of little things on the table.... did *literally* anything to delay my trip to work.

the little kids woke up almost the same time and watched me fixing myself up.  they KNEW i was going to work and they'd be left nanny-less today but with their dad.


randomly,


sana 2012 na.  said the little big man sitting on the couch while the hubby came out of the bedroom.


baket?  me while the hubby and i threw each other questioning glances.


kase pag 2012 na, di ka na magwo-work tapos ikaw na magpre-prepare ng baon ko sa school tsaka lagi ka na lang nandito....



i didn't know they were really holding on to that.  and somehow, i felt the pressure to give in.

Monday, October 17, 2011

the hard-earned silver

yesterday was testament to the hard work that the little big man has been putting into training to become the best that he can be in his sport.  

he participated in the DPS (Diliman Preparatory School) Taekwondo Championship where most of the best players and teams in NCR competed.  

every competition sees him more and more confident of his moves, happier with the turn out whether lose or win, and learning new things which we know he will carry on to the next competition.

might i brag, he only got a silver.  it wasn't just a piece of metal though. he was matched up with a DPS player in the eliminations and did everything right to come out the winner. next game his opponent was disqualified because of a mismatch because he was, intentionally or unintentionally, matched up with a group 3 player.  third game was a cliff-hanger with a brown belt from vas gym who was a teammate of that junior black belt he fought for gold with back in camanava last summer.  it ended with a draw which led to a sudden death match where he came out triumphant.  and for his final game, the best player of DPS whom he succumbed to but not without a fantastic, breath-taking, action-packed, death-defying (yeah, you name it!) bout.  

i liked that he came out friends with his opponents, even having their pics taken with their medals on.  just shows the kind of sportsmanship these kids already have instilled in them at such a young age.  or maybe, they're going to keep tabs on each other for future fights?



definitely, it was one of the little big man's best days.  

thank you, Ma'am Vicky - Our small group of  parents now call you "Mother" among ourselves, for we witnessed for the first time how you were such a great coach on court, as strong-willed, supportive, yet gentle as a mother.  


thank you, Ma'am Sarah - I think the little big man got his new-found angas from you.  ;-) And for standing up  and asserting what should be. 


thank you, Sir Billy - For coming to the tournament eventhough you had your own game to go to, to support our players.

thank you and congratulations to our good friends and teammates for a great day.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

those days

today is one of those days.  i am so not into what i'm doing.  i am shamelessly chatting online and now, posting a blog while i am at work and i don't care.  

and this exchange between one of my chatmates and i made me laugh so hard it drove the blues away.  well, for a few seconds at least.



i think i need a change of something.

Thursday, October 06, 2011

Steve Jobs is dead

finding the breakingn ews on yahoo.com this morning about steve jobs' passing, i started checking out quotes from him, believing he must be a great man with a lot to say, being the founder of apple and a well-respected man.  i guess i'm like everybody else who don't really care about famous people until something significant, like death, happened to them.

so here's what i found, and i thank steve jobs for inspiring me this early morning in an asian country faraway from where he probably lies in some exquisite coffin, peacefully, happily on his way to heaven.


“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.


“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” [Steve Jobs, Stanford commencement speech, June 2005]

 Rest in peace, Sir.  
I salute you, although, I'm an android user.

Monday, October 03, 2011

love actually

my favorite love story movie of all time is love actually.  whenever i feel down or frustrated with the goings-on in my life, it's my pick-me-upper.  it kind of reassures me that love is, actually, all around.



i have my own version of this movie coming from the love (or non-love, for that matter) of people around me.  some have some sort of semblance with the characters in the movie.  to name a few:

natalie.  she's been through a lot with love.  you can say she's actually through with love -- over and done with.  one day, a friend from way, way back messaged her on facebook.  she hesitantly replied; he was her crush long ago.  one thing led to another and they found out how they eyed each other back in the day and had this secret thing for each other then but only got the chance to tell each other now -- 2 decades after.  he's had a stormy marriage, she's had two.  he's overseas, she's in the mountain.  he's got kids, she's got more.  he's a soon to be president with no one to take care of him but her.

karen.  she found her love long ago, he left her for another woman and they met again years after.  he decided to marry her, despite a previous marriage.  it was bliss until he started fooling around with other women -- again.

jamie.  he married the perfect girl.  they had perfect, beautiful daughters.  he was rich, handsome, funny, smart, generally a good person.  but she wanted to work and live in the states.  so he agreed that they live apart.  for years now.  it's bothering him but he can't do anything about it.  he visits her once a year but this year, he skipped going.

aurelia.  her love has a foreign bloodline, not much like hers.  he grew up with a dysfunctional family and found the love he did not have as a child with her and her family.  they've been going steady for years, went through differences and came out strong as a couple.  last christmas, he asked her to marry him.  next month, my daughter walks down the aisle with them as their flower girl.

stacy.  sex appeal is her middle name.  she turns heads wherever she goes.  she loves herself so much -- or as she says, she loves freedom too much -- that she feels she will be single the rest of her life.  she has one lovechild, by accident, but she loves him deeply and has decided that her little guy will be the only man she will love forever.

to be continued....

Quotable Quotes

this morning, me dressed to go to work and the little big man in his school uniform ready to go to school, on our way out of the house:

mommy, bat pag naka-pambahay ka hindi ka maganda?

baket, pag naka pang-alis ako, maganda ako?

oo.

ok sige lagi na lang ako magpa pang-alis.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


another quotable quote, from months back when we just transferred to our latest dwelling.  


the little girl and me were left to fend for ourselves one night while the hubby and little big man went to taekwondo training.  we were waiting for them because they were bringing home dinner but the little girl was probably hungry already so she said:

mommy, marunong ka bang magluto kahit noodles lang?

oo naman.

quickly i tried to boil the water and prep the noodles and spices.  unfortunately, i was not aware (yet) that the gas tank had a button to be pushed before it could release the gas for the stove.  it took forever to boil the g*dd*mn water!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

stormy tuesday

last night, it was announced that there won't be classes today because of the coming typhoon pedring (international name nesat).  i knew immediately that i won't be going to work as well.  i just don't want to risk going out because of the floods in the city.  and it's always a perfect cuddling day with the kids because we'll all be home together.



early in the morning, we were poised to watch PGT (pilipinas got talent -- yes the little family  are suckers for pgt) videos on youtube.  then the power went out.

so what to do?  no computer, no tv, no cellphone charger!

we PLAYED!  literally.  kids did 2-hour taekwondo training with the hubby.  and we hung around the house, laughing, telling jokes, hugging.  best part was, the kids put glue on their hands, waited for it to dry and peeled them off.  that, i say, was fun.  pointless, but fun.  wasteful, but still, fun.



i know it's sort of insensitive to be so happy today while some people out there are being whipped by the storm.  i really feel sorry for them and our family always prays for the less fortunate.  this is how our garden looked like today:




oh and by the way, the door going up our floor got wrecked.  my brother's mechanic left it open and since the winds of pedring were so strong, it banged itself until it dislodged itself from the hinges.  the hubby tried to temporarily fix it until my dad's carpenter comes but my dad went upstairs to visit us and couldn't put it back.  and as he came in to get help, the door banged itself one last time, and the glass broke together with the jalousies.



so much for a happy, stormy day.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

grades

school grades for 1st quarter were received over the weekend.  little big man got an average of 86.3474. should've been enough to get him a 3rd honor but he had a pair of 82's.  the requisites for a 3rd honor is an average of 86 and no grade lower than 85.  sadly, he had 82 in reading so we're catching up on that now.   and 82 in character education which, according to his teacher, was due to his being talkative.


we promised each other, together, we'll get that honor come 2nd grading period.  aja!  


and there i was 9 years ago, wanting my kid to go into a progressive school and not a traditional school like this!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

truth told





last tuesday, the hubby and little big man went for the weigh in at the central gym of the philippine taekwondo association.  this is in preparation for the Interschool Competition in NCR.

incidentally, since he's up for promotion to brown belt soon, the hubby inquired about the little big man's belt status as recorded in the central gym.  he found out that our former coach has never -- read that again -- NEVER submitted records of any of the promotions we have had with him.  which means, technically, the little big man is still... a blue belt?  or whatever belt he was before we joined this coach.


sucks, right?


two other teammates who "broke away" from this coach found the same problem.  one of them who started as a white belt with this coach does not -- read that again -- DOES NOT have a record at all.  which means, he was never submitted as a member of the PTA at all.  the other one who's supposed to be in brown now is only in red.  this only means that our records since more than a year ago were never submitted.

we wonder now what all the rest of his players' status are.  somebody told me it might be because coach is registered in the province.  but more than a year?  does it take that long to transfer records to central gym??  your guess is as good as mine.  



Thursday, September 01, 2011

little girl's wish / little mom's wish

last night, before going to sleep, the little girl begged me again not to go to the office anymore.  she's been telling me this for the last couple of months already.  the last few times, including last night, she was in tears.

my heart so ached.  

yesterday, before this happened, i attended her Buwan ng Wika celebration at her pre-school where she participated in the Tagisan ng Pagbigkas ng Maikling Kwento in which she won 3rd Prize.  she related the story of Ang Kuneho at ang Pagong.  i made a cardboard turtle's shell and fixed on her left with a turtle nose and tail.  on her right was a rabbit ear on her head a nose and tail too.  and she presented her story b turning each side whenever each animal spoke.  it wasn't perfect yet because she fumbled on some statements and giggled when she made mistakes.  but it was a good start.  for all of you who know the little girl well, i know you're surprised by this.  it is her first time to actually participate in a school activity where she will have to perform by herself in front of parents, teachers and classmates.  hubby and i are so proud of her. 

i know though that she could've done better had i been consistently practicing her.  had i been always with her, and not at work everyday. 

one day soon, my child.  i promise.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

turning a new leaf

last weekend, the little big man's taekwondo coach for more than 2 years literally disowned him.  

we assume he is infuriated by the fact that the hubby helped a co-parent put up his own taekwondo gym and got a different coach.  we actually understand how hurt he must be, considering he's already our coach but our co-parent got somebody else.  but it wasn't for the hubby and i to decide because it wasn't our business. 

i am writing this down to lay down our cards because many facts may have been misunderstood or some people may be saying things that are untrue and i would like the real circumstances not to be left unsaid.




first off, the little big man is enrolled in a school in NCR.  thus, we are letting him train with a NCR coach who, our now former coach endorsed to us last year.  we have informed this to him last year and he knows very well that this is the only way to go because he is based in mecauayan, bulacan and he will never be able to support our son in NCR. (on a side note, last summer, former coach tried to convince hubby and me to transfer the little big man to a school which he handles but we politely declined, believing our son is already placed well in his NCR school.)

coincidentally, our NCR coach's assistant is the one (they say) that former coach is not in good terms with.  and this particular not-in-good-terms coach is the one that our co-parent commissioned to train the students at his new gym.

we did not intentionally tell former coach of this because we knew, for sure, he would not approve of this association with the not-in-good-terms coach.  and basically, business is still business, and the co-parent who put up the gym is entitled to his own choice on who to get for his business.  and he did not want to get former coach.  we did introduce him (our co-parent) to the new coach, yes, because we are friends and friends help each other, right?

turns out, somebody told former coach some misguided information god-knows-what and it seems that he is very unhappy, angry and even hurt by these circumstances.  we understand he may be threatened by new competition.  he may be hurt that he was not the one commissioned by our co-parent.  or he probably thinks we betrayed him.  he may even think of us as ungrateful after everything he's done for our son.  but just as in any school, we pay the school to teach our children and if we decide to move on to a better school, we are not bound because of gratitude. 

for the record, we never intended to leave him because we still consistently trained with him and joined his competitions, supported his endeavors and have always had a high regard and respect for him.

but after what he did to us that fateful sunday, he has closed the door and we do not intend to open it again.   it is sad that he did not talk to us to clear everything and relied only on hearsay -- hearsay from people who probably want to suck-up to him to get on his good side, at our expense.  we can only guess what is going through his mind right now about us but we pretty much have the idea that it is not good.

we are moving on now. we are grateful to him for everything he has done for our son but we will not be controlled in our decisions on what we think will be best for him.  good luck and godspeed, sir.

Friday, August 26, 2011

lost phone

little big man lost his cellphone in the school gym yesterday.  guess it was bound to happen anyway.  somehow, the hubby and i sort of new something like this can happen.  the kid really has to learn things the hard way.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

misadventures of a working mom



i'm a trying hard working mother.  this much i know.

last week, i convinced the powers that be at work to let me off early (for the rest of my working life at that company) for the reason that i get to the office earlier than necessary.  so officially, i'm off at 5pm instead of 6pm and i am on my merry way home before sunset.  eversince they removed our privilage of flexible time schedule, this is what i've always wanted and now i got it and i'm happy.  at least now, i can be with my kids early.

last night was a toink moment.  something i'm not very proud of.  

of course, i was home early and i immediately started work in tle computer on a project.  since i was early and the nanny still gets off at 7pm, i let her and the little girl play while i worked.  by 7pm, i let her go while the little girl stayed with me inside the bedroom while i continued working.

after a while, i heard the little girl sobbing and as i turned to look at her, she broke down in tears.  she then told me in between sobs that i shouldn't have let her nanny off coz she doesn't have anything to do and she was sad.  so i immediately bolted out of the revolving computer chair, wrapped my arms around her and told her we could play.  to which she replied, "eh mommy ka eh. di ka naman naglalaro eh!"

my heart literally broke.  how could she think that way?  i hugged her to me and told her, of course, i can play.  so what do you want us to play?  in my mind, i was hitting myself in the head with my fist.  what have i done?  i knew i should stop working at that moment and spend the rest of the evening with her, which i should've done the minute i got home in the first place.

we went to the living room and the little girl got 2 balls and she wanted us to alternately roll each ball at each other while slumped on the floor on opposite ends of the room.  i tried to sound happy and animated as we did this but after a few rolls, she started bawling again.  i am not happy at what we're doing!

i came over to her again to appease her.  i carried her to the bedroom, holding her close and asked her again what she wanted us to do.  she said she wanted to play or do something but she doesn't know what.  ok, so let's see....what do we do?  how about the computer? 

she settled with an online game where we played hosts in a virtual spa and tended to customers who wanted massages, facials and hair treatments.  we did this the rest of the evening until the hubby and little big man arrived from taekwondo practice.

looking back, and after telling this to the hubby, i realized that the reason why i requested for an early off from work is so i can "do my responsibilities as a mother" early.  i didn't do that.  instead, i worked some more.  i know now what to do.

see andre, i'm not perfect?