memoirs3

excerpt from one of my notes dated 28 april 2004

I have always wanted to be a writer. Eversince Allie Cecilio (now Mrs. Vic Uy), my friend from High School introduced me to the fun of writing my thoughts down way back then, I’ve enjoyed it and have always wished I could someday publish my own book. Not the academic type of book but the journal type.

Recently, I came across the book of Susan Vidal, The Gospel According to My Kitchen Sink. It told of her life experiences as a mom, wife, daughter, career-woman and most expecially, a child of God. I’d like to write something like that. Something like Robert Fulghum. Something about me and my life.

I want to write about being foremost a mother to my 20-month old son. About being a “almost-3-year-old” wife. About being a 32-year old daughter. About being a 12-year old employee. About being a 32- 20- 16- 10- 6-… etc year old friend.

Everyday I have thoughts I’d really love to put on ink and paper but I never seem to get it done. Always busy being all those roles that I am. Maybe I really should take time out to do this. For myself. For 32-year old “me.”

school blues

did i tell you that migo started going to toddler school yesterday? it's only for the summer. he's only 2yrs & 8 mths old and by end of the summer, if he performs well he may -- just may -- be admitted to nursery school.

cool huh. his dad and i are confident he'll make it coz he's a bright child. modesty aside. or maybe i'm like all the other parents who just think their kids are simply the greatest kid that ever walked this earth.

anyways, yesterday, his first day, there was this kid about 5 years old. (note: at least 2 years his senior) according to cesar's story of what he actually saw from the outside of the classroom, this 5y/o kid came over to where migo was sitting, quietly drawing with his crayons. 5y/o kid then tried to get one of migo's crayons and when migo probably told him not to, he picked a crayon and threw it away. migo didn't budge. then 5 y/o kid wasn't contented. he started pointing an imaginary gun at migo and wouldn't stop "bang-banging" him until he looked up. now what was migo supposed to do? here was a 5y/o kid irking him while he was minding his own business.

this is what he did. (this is how cesar saw it with his own eyes.) migo stood up and whacked the kid straight with his right fist. (guess that's for throwing the crayon...) so 5y/o kid went down. migo sort of dived after him and what cesar saw next was 5y/o boy crawling in all fours and migo on top of him. then, migo bit his lower back. guess that's for the "bang-banging."

what do you expect next? 5y/o kid crying, mom to the rescue. we're not sure if mom of 5y/o kid said anything to migo coz he started crying too and seemed afraid of the mom. so cesar went in and comforted little migo.

atta boy. daddy's proud of him... after all, he only went after that geezer when he wouldn't back off. he was forwarned by migo's silence. he insisted and so he got what he deserved.

being away and all

talked to ima this morning over the phone. said my mom's having problems coz of lack of funds for the apartment they are building at their backyard. i kinda felt bad about it, knowing somehow, i may have contributed to that "lack" in funds. she's been helping me and cesar with our new home. i kinda feel guilty now. although on the other hand, i can say that i've been most of the time financially independent of her and dad's help.

being away and all that makes me oblivious to my parents' problems. i am saddened by this but then again i've my own set of family problems. which now i realize, are trivial compared to theirs.

i want to help my mom and dad. how, i don't exactly know. what i can only resolve to do is to not, as much as possible, ask for anymore financial help from them. if i can help it. hah! i know god will always provide. amen.

no more what if, for now

i went to that dang company. just as cesar wanted me to. i figured he's right. nothing to lose. only a couple of bucks for transpo is all and 1 day's salary.

so off i went today. got there a little past 10am. found the office quite easily. tucked along pioneer street in mandaluyong. small, cozy, quaint. as far as reception areas would go, that is. because that's as far as i got. the not-so-accomodating receptionist handed me an application form to fill up. unfortunately, my good old parker pen untimely lost ink and couldn't write a decent word. so i tried to borrow from not-so-accomodating receptionist which she reluctantly lent coz she was using it too. after filling up the form, i walked up to her and guess what she said?

we'll call you.

what? uh, ok. uhh.. can i get your office number so i can call back just in case?

no, we'll just call you.

GANON! and i had to painstakingly get dressed this morning and all that fuss! hmp. bah. at least i can say i didn't chicken out on something i know i can do.

what if

cesar is kinda irritated with me for not going to a job interview that he thinks is a good opportunity for me. he's been telling me about it all week and wants me to go today. but i put it off till monday. i don't know why i'm "afraid". not really afraid but more like HESITANT. yup, that's the appropriate word -- hesitant.

i KNOW for a fact that i am no longer growing again in this company where i presently work. it's all the same everyday. my salary is ok, well, kinda. i wouldn't really know, i might be underpaid already considering my knowledge and exposure and all. or i may be over-confident. but i know what i know. and i know i can be more fulfilled elsewhere.

so why am i holding on? and now, i am left with what if i'd gone to that interview this morning?" i must've known the answer by now.

shucks....

pothole thoughts

i'm in a rut... and feel like a runt. i had to check old webster first before i used that word and yes it's not a typo error.

i am dead tired of going to this same boring office everyday.

probable reasons why:

i don't know if it's because my new home is twice farther from the office that everyday i fall asleep on the road on my way to work. i must be tired with the travel. but hey, i used to work in taguig, remember? that's 2 hours away!! [so i figure, it's not coz of the travel]

i don't know if it's because i'm no longer making the designs at work. i still do product development but indirectly now. the 3 girls under me now do the dirty work which i used to do. i'm basically into product management now and keeping an eye on the 3 girls which i do really well coz we share the same feelings about work. i'm in touch with how they feel being the artist that i am, like them.

i don't know if it's because i'm having "memory gap." the girls are teasing me about it coz irene said that a major cause of memory gap is not taking breakfast. recently, i forget things i have to do. not just trivial things, right. major things. and that's not good in the eye of the boss. good thing, miss charming that i am, i usually get away with it easy. and boss and i are kinda cool with each other u know.

anyway, another reason why i think i'm in a rut is coz things are really getting too monotonous for me. my day-to-day activity has become b-o-r-i-n-g. and i'm really missing my son, migo all the time. i often wish i could be with him everyday. i realized this when just a few days ago, cesar told me that i am out of the house 12 hours a day. i vehemently disagreed with him but when i did compute myself, i realized he's close. i leave at 8am and usually get home past 7pm. yup he's close alright. tsk-tsk....

some conclusion... maybe i need to find a new job? something closer to home... or something not directly related to what i'm doing now....