a facebook post

i am a little bit emotional right now and need to write this down asap to capture this moment.  so i'm sneaking in a few minutes from work to get this out and over with.

it is not often that the hubby posts personal stuff on his or my FB wall.  but this, today, is one for the books.

(insert link here)

sort of redeems me from my previous post about being a failure as a mom.

thank you, hubby, for thinking of me this way.  and shouting it out to the world.  thank you for being the way you are and for accepting me the way i am. ♥

mommy fail

busy days at work took a backseat again yesterday for my kids' annual field demo day in school.  past years it was only the little big man's day.  this year is more meaningful and eventful, being the little girl is now in 1st grade and participating in the activity.

about two weeks ago, i was already on my toes finding the materials for their costume which was prescribed by the school.  i needed orange gina cloth (luckily both kids needed the same color), white leotards, black shorts, orange shorts, gold foil paper, dark blue art paper, green satin ribbon... the works.  the last night before the event, i had to cram sewing and pasting and putting together the 2 different costumes for the 2 kids.

so yesterday, we were all set.  both kids were excited.  their classmates and teachers worked 2 weeks practicing and this day is the big day they were gonna show off what stuff they're made of.

the littel girl's sched of presentation was at 9:15am while the little big man is at 10:45am.  we  arrived in school at around 9:05-9:10.  (my fault because i agreed to wait for my dad and brother before going to school but that's a differet story and i might digress if i go into the details of that.)

the hubby and i agreed he'd go with the little big man while i go with the little girl.  and so, as she and i were passing by the gym, we heard "fireworks" being played and i turned to her and asked, isn't that the music that you're going to dance to?

wide-eyed, she said yes while we both wondered why it was already playing.  i tried to peep to see what's going on but it was too crowded.  so i told the little girl that we should just go to the meeting area of her batchmates.  on our way there, we passed by a video wall showing  livestream what was happening inside the gym.  

lo and behold!  a sea of orange skirts with blue and gold vests worn over white leotards and black shorts!  my insides ached so bad i thought my knees turned jelly and i felt like i would fall in utter frustration.  i turned to the little girl, carried her in my arms, pointed to her the wall and painfully said, anak, sorry hindi ka na makakasali.  ayun na sila o.  i was close to tears.

she stared at the video wall.  then she patted my shoulder, ok lang yan mommy, ok lang yan. she seemed so cool about it and was even the one comforting me!  she stared again for about a minute then she turned away and rested her chin on my shoulder while hugging me tight.  in a few seconds, i knew she was teary-eyed and i kept on saying i'm sorry, i'm sorry to her.  i told her that when we get home, she will wear her costume and perform for me and her dad and kuya and i will video her performance and we will cheer and clap for her.

mommy, ok lang na hindi ako nakasali.  alam ko naman na pinaghirapan mo yung costume ko hanggang kagabi di ba?  ok lang yun.  then she was teary-eyed again and she hugged me again while i hugged her back.  halika na mommy, ayaw ko na dito.

we found the hubby and the little big man in his grade 5 classroom and told them what happened.  (of course, the hubby blamed me because we both knew we should be there by 8:30 but i told them 9:15 pa naman ang performance e.  and yeah, that thing with my dad.)  afterwards, we went to the gym in time for kuya's performance.  

while waiting, a video wall inside the gym was running the highlights of the grade 1 to 3 performances.  and there again was the grade 1 performance which the little girl failed to participate in just an hour ago.  i pointed it to her, she looked and shrugged saying, ayaw ko na makita yan.  i felt her pain and secretly pointed an imaginary gun to my head and shot myself.  i was as devastated as she.

super mommy fail. :(

here's her costume.  shot at home after.

and here's her vid.  on top of  the bed.  watch it and applaud.  PLEASE.

and here's what the little big man had to show.

and some pics of how the little girl coped with her mommy's failure. :( wearing her kuya's head dress while waiting for him after his performance.

the hard-earned silver

yesterday was testament to the hard work that the little big man has been putting into training to become the best that he can be in his sport.  

he participated in the DPS (Diliman Preparatory School) Taekwondo Championship where most of the best players and teams in NCR competed.  

every competition sees him more and more confident of his moves, happier with the turn out whether lose or win, and learning new things which we know he will carry on to the next competition.

might i brag, he only got a silver.  it wasn't just a piece of metal though. he was matched up with a DPS player in the eliminations and did everything right to come out the winner. next game his opponent was disqualified because of a mismatch because he was, intentionally or unintentionally, matched up with a group 3 player.  third game was a cliff-hanger with a brown belt from vas gym who was a teammate of that junior black belt he fought for gold with back in camanava last summer.  it ended with a draw which led to a sudden death match where he came out triumphant.  and for his final game, the best player of DPS whom he succumbed to but not without a fantastic, breath-taking, action-packed, death-defying (yeah, you name it!) bout.  

i liked that he came out friends with his opponents, even having their pics taken with their medals on.  just shows the kind of sportsmanship these kids already have instilled in them at such a young age.  or maybe, they're going to keep tabs on each other for future fights?

definitely, it was one of the little big man's best days.  

thank you, Ma'am Vicky - Our small group of  parents now call you "Mother" among ourselves, for we witnessed for the first time how you were such a great coach on court, as strong-willed, supportive, yet gentle as a mother.  


thank you, Ma'am Sarah - I think the little big man got his new-found angas from you.  ;-) And for standing up  and asserting what should be. 


thank you, Sir Billy - For coming to the tournament eventhough you had your own game to go to, to support our players.

thank you and congratulations to our good friends and teammates for a great day.

misadventures of a working mom

i'm a trying hard working mother.  this much i know.

last week, i convinced the powers that be at work to let me off early (for the rest of my working life at that company) for the reason that i get to the office earlier than necessary.  so officially, i'm off at 5pm instead of 6pm and i am on my merry way home before sunset.  eversince they removed our privilage of flexible time schedule, this is what i've always wanted and now i got it and i'm happy.  at least now, i can be with my kids early.

last night was a toink moment.  something i'm not very proud of.  

of course, i was home early and i immediately started workin tle computer on a project.  since i was early and the nanny still gets off at 7pm, i let her and the little girl play while i worked.  by 7pm, i let her go while the little girl stayed with me inside the bedroom while i continued working.

after a while, i heard the little girl sobbing and as i turned to look at her, she broke down in tears.  she then told me in between sobs that i shouldn't have let her nanny off coz she doesn't have anything to do and she was sad.  so i immediately bolted out of the revolving computer chair, wrapped my arms around her and told her we could play.  to which she replied, "eh mommy ka eh. di ka naman naglalaro eh!"

my heart literally broke.  how could she think that way?  i hugged her to me and told her, of course, i can play.  so what do you want us to play?  in my mind, i was hitting myself in the head with my fist.  what have i done?  i knew i should stop working at that moment and spend the rest of the evening with her, which i should've done the minute i got home in the first place.

we went to the living room and the little girl got 2 balls and she wanted us to alternately roll each ball at each other while slumped on the floor on opposite ends of the room.  i tried to sound happy and animated as we did this but after a few rolls, she started bawling again.  i am not happy at what we're doing!

i came over to her again to appease her.  i carried her to the bedroom, holding her close and asked her again what she wanted us to do.  she said she wanted to play or do something but she doesn't know what.  ok, so let's see....what do we do?  how about the computer? 

she settled with an online game where we played hosts in a virtual spa and tended to customers who wanted massages, facials and hair treatments.  we did this the rest of the evening until the hubby and little big man arrived from taekwondo practice.

looking back, and after telling this to the hubby, i realized that the reason why i requested for an early off from work is so i can "do my responsibilities as a mother" early.  i didn't do that.  instead, i worked some more.  i know now what to do.

see andre, i'm not perfect?

mother's day

my friend andre often tells me i'm such a great and patient mom.  in the mothering department, i do not believe i am excelling but i do try my best. 

now here's a mom who i know has been striving perfection in mothering since i was a little girl.  well, she's still not perfect and i guess never will be.  but what matters most is that she's always been there for me and my brothers, through thick and thin, unconditionally loving us and forgiving us. 

Happy Mother's Day Mommy!  We love you sooo much!

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us;

when adversity takes the place of prosperity;

when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us;

when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us,

and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness,

and cause peace to return to our hearts.

-Washington Irving

young mom

i am horrified in this bit of news i read today:

10-Year-Old in Spain Is Not the First or Youngest Child Mom

 how could a child so young possibly conceive a baby?  i am rattled and i need to check myself first for signs of a heart attack. 

blood pressure, check.

palpitation, check.