Monday, December 24, 2007

christmas eve

sitting on the light blue and white kiddie rocking chair, trying to squeeze in my 36" size hips, in front of the computer. waiting... waiting...

he lies flat on the 3" thick foam mattress on the living room floor, sound asleep, snoring. fell asleep while waiting... waiting...

kids playing to their heart's content on the brand new 8" light blue salem mattress bought earlier. waiting... waiting...

there's never been a longer afternoon.

finally, the R-type bed we've all been wanting was purchased earlier today as a christmas gift to the family. to ourselves, for a good year that has passed. well, we can't say it's been a good time all year round. there've been problems here and there: misunderstandings, petty fights, money splurges, asthma attacks, fevers, coughs and colds for migo and julla... but we got through all of that and that's what's important. it's christmas eve and we're together and we're happy.

now all that's missing is that R-type bed that was supposed to be delivered at 3pm and now it's already 5:40!! so here we are... waiting... waiting...

when that thing arrives, we're off to midnight mass and christmas dinner at my mom & dad's house.

merry christmas everyone!! hope you're with family, or at least, the ones you love...

Sunday, December 09, 2007

air of christmas

the cold wind blew my hair, covering almost half my face as i pushed the pink stroller-cum-bike with little julla riding on it. from a few meters away, migo and some kids are arguing about whose turn it is to ride his blue bike. blinking lights witness this late afternoon activity here in our condo grounds. teenagers practicing a number probably for a christmas party. undoubtedly christmas is just around the corner...

migo got a new bike today. a blue bike that has a sidecar on it so that, according to him, he will be able to drive his sister around and other kids too. julla got what she's been longing for -- that pink stroller-and-bike-in-one, the one that has a handle at the back for an adult to push it around but at the same time, has pedals so she can ride it by herself later on.

we were supposed to go buy christmas gifts for my officemates, have my hair cut and styled, get myself a nice outfit for our office party and shoes to go with it too. that was the plan. that was the agenda for the day. and in consideration, since they were accompanying me, alright, we'll buy toys for them too. small inexpensive toys. this is supposed to be "my day" so we'll spend it my way.

but the day ended with their 2 bikes, well worth over the budget intended for my haircut, clothes and gifts. and all i got was a silver pair of flats bought at 50% off its original price -- not something for the office party.

i am happy. to see the glow in the faces of my 2 kids is enough for me to be content with not getting what i want. instead, them getting what they want. the money left is enough to last us till next payday but i don't mind. i'm just glad that i did what i did today.

Thursday, November 15, 2007


got this from a forwarded email.....

"No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
No one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE."

Friday, November 09, 2007


when do you say enough is enough?
when should the last straw be drawn?
when is the time to give it up?
when do you stop hanging on?
when will you stop keeping the pain inside?
when will you learn to stand on your own two feet?
when is the right time to say goodbye?
when will you realize love is not enough?
when will you cry again now that you're numb?
when will you put your foot forward?
when will you say "that's it"?
when is it time?

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


today...well.... yesterday october 16, i am already 1 year working in f&h. i could say that over the last year, i've improved and gained more knowledge and at the same time, contributed a lot to the company's growth. i just hope my boss' evaluation of me will reflect that too.

a lot has been happening lately. sir doc, the owner just got back from a trip to europe and we've been in and out of meetings with him everyday since he got back on october 1st. and everyday since, i've been in front of my computer (whenever there's no meeting) trying to compute and re-compute our sales projections, ordered jeans, schedules of deliveries, which orders can be slid down to next year, etc. it has been a taxing past two weeks! to add to that, the pressure of the new policies being implemented by management and the impending politics being orchestrated by one or some. it's frustrating that on top of all the problems, some people still want to make life harder for most of us for some people's personal gain.

but like i said to my former office buddies, there definitely isn't a perfect company where you can work in. so we just have to accept these things and try to deal with it. if you can't beat 'em, join 'em..... or get the hell out.


i was called to a conference by migo's teacher last tuesday. it wasn't the best day of my career as a mother. i was told that migo has been misbehaving a lot over the last 3 weeks. he's been having a tendency of hurting his classmates, although most of the time unintentionally. he's become aggressive in his dealings with his classmates the same way we (cesar and i) have become "aggressive" in dealing with him. his teacher also told me that although he is bright and intelligent, he keeps on saying aloud answers during written quizzes or sometimes looks at a classmate's quiz paper and if he sees an incorrect answer, he tells him/her what the answer should be. of course he doesn't really know why that is wrong, i know he only means to be of help. but he always has to be reminded not to do this because it is to each his own during these circumstances. another thing his teacher told me is that he changes lyrics to songs they sing in school. i know he just wants to be funny and he doesn't realize that it is something that is not right to do too.

so later that day, i had a heart-to-heart talk with him to explain his mistakes. i tried to be as calm as possible, trying oh so hard not to blame him but instead encouraged him to do more good things than the not-so-good. cesar and i talked about it too and decided not to spank his butt anymore and just do our best to calmly talk to him whenever he misbehaves. of course, our patience is definitely going to be put to the test here, especially cesar's.

to date, migo is still misbehaving.... irregularly. which means, he is also behaving....irregularly. i hope with more patience and consistency on our part as parents, we will be able to help him be a better person. with god's help, i'm sure we can do this. our unconditional love for migo will make it work.

Monday, September 24, 2007


a lot has happened over the last two months since my last weblog. i don't know where to begin relating what i've been through. a lot of both positive and not-so-positive events. a lot of funny anecdotes with my kids and hubby. a lot of events and non-events at work. it doesn't seem like only 2 months have passed.

first, about that case. well, it turned out the other party didn't want the same hassles we had so the case was dropped. i regret that i worried so much about it but it turned out that i didn't have to fret at all. ("hayyy nako"... to quote the title of my last entry)

kids are getting bigger. julla is getting prettier everyday. here's her latest pic, taken only yesterday at my mom's mini garden....

she's learned to say "ayuuuu" (which means i love you), "eyuuu" which means thank you and "baba" which literally means she wants to go downstairs. she's everywhere in the house, on top of chairs, dining table, sofa and the ledge by the front window. she's hit her head a lot of times i already lost count. she's soooo malikot! even more malikot than her kuya migo. but she's soooo loveable too. we just adore her -- me, her dad and her kuya migo... and now, her tita crystal who takes care of her while i'm at work.

migo is getting a little hard to handle these days. his teacher has confiscated his ID which is an indication that he hasn't been behaving in school. his 1st quarter grades however are quite high but i'm afraid if he keeps up with his naughtyness, it might affect his academic status negatively. i know i have to do something fast. yesterday after a shopping trip wherein he was so noisy and unrestrained, i slapped his butt twice just to show him i meant it when i said he'd get something for not behaving. at first when i told him to lie on his tummy, butt up, he didn't think i was serious and tried to charm me with his wide grin. but i didn't let him dissuade me and went on with my "disciplinary action." it worked, i think. i know somehow he realized he can't get away with misbehaving from now on. oh, here's his brand new haircut about 3 weeks ago...

work... well, i think i'd have to make a separate entry about my work.... so maybe later then....

Monday, July 16, 2007

hay nakoooo!! (translation: deep exasperated sigh!!)

hindi ako masyadong masaya. nagpre-pretend lang ako na ok ako pero parang hindi ako ok. kung bakit naman kase bigla na namang lumutang ang problema namin na wini-wish ko na maglaho na nuon pa. kinalimutan ko na nga sya dahil nagho-hope ako na pag di ko na sya inisip, hindi na sya lalabas pa. pero nandito sya ngayon. out of nowhere, bigla na naman nyang prinisinta ang sarili niya sa buhay ng pamilya ko. bwisit ang mga taong nagdulot sa amin nitong problemang ito. nananahimik kami nuong bagong taon at ginulo nila ang buhay namin at sila pa ang may ganang magdemanda. leche sila. naiinis ako sa kanila.

ang totoo, natatakot ako sa kahihinatnan ng kaso. sa july 23 na yun and dapat as of today makausap na ang lawyer. para makapag-prepare para sa hearing. perwisyo talaga... sa oras, sa pera, sa emotional strain sa akin. hindi ko sinasabi kay swthrt ang nararamdaman ko kase ayaw kong panghinaan sya ng loob. pero takot talaga ko sa pwedeng mangyari. hindi ko mailabas sa kahit kanino. i have to be strong and i have to keep this to myself until this is over.

ang mga anak ko walang kamalay-malay sa nangyayari. i just keep them happy all the time. kahapon nga, despite the problem hanging over my head, dinala namin mga kids sa art angel show. di rin naman nasiyahan kasi ang daming tao pala ng mga ganung event. tapos nagpunta kami kina mommy may konting kainan kasi birthday ng anak ng kuya ko. sabi nila mommy & daddy ayusin daw namin at wag pabayaan yung kaso. sa isip-isip ko, "oo naman..." syempre ayaw kong maging negative ang kalabasan ng kaso na 'to. leche talaga yung mga taong yun. sana makarma sila agad. instant karma ba. come to think of it, baka nga karma nila ito baka madami na silang naargabyado and kami ang katapat nila. pero kasi parang kami yung inaapi dito eh. dapat talaga kami ang manalo sa kaso na 'to. nakakainis lang kasi masyadong abala sa amin.... tsaka yun nga emotional strain sa akin. masyado akong nalulungkot pag iniisip ko.
sus, napa-tagalog nga ako ng di oras dito sa blog dahil dun eh! please naman po, Lord, wag mo kami pabayaan.....

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


julla fell from migo's rocking chair yesterday and hit the back of her head on some protruding screw from migo's scooter. the small wound bled but after cesar pressed on it, the bleeding stopped. it was good that cesar didn't panic and was calm as he quickly decided what to do. then he brought julla to the doctor.

i only found out about this when i got home. he didn't call me and thought he had everything under control and was useless since i cannot do anything about it anyway since i am at work.

last night, as julla lay sound asleep, i watched her slow, smooth breathing. very calm and relaxed. i checked if she had fever. i checked her wound at the back of her head. and since i was quite assured already that she was ok, i lay beside her and hugged her small body to me. i probably won't be able to take it if something bad happened to her. she and migo are so precious it's as if i lost everything if they were taken from me. i'd do anything to keep them protected and happy...
last week, migo was hit by mathew, that 3-year old bratty boy living in the unit at the opposite end of our floor. migo's nose bled and he started crying. when cesar saw this, he told him to hit back and so he did.

later, we were discussing this incident and i didn't agree that cesar told him to hit back. but cesar said migo should learn to defend himself and that if he let the other kid get away with it, it's like allowing him to do it again. which made sense to me although i insisted that another violence is not the answer to a mistreatment done to him. we told migo not to play with that kid again only to see him the following day running around with him again. ohhh, kids.... but i do hope he's learned his lesson and we'll just remind him to avoid that kid from now on.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

the irony of black and white

these days i see in imported magazines how fair/white skinned people wanna get a tan. it's like the in thing. when i browse the fashion and beauty magazines, the tanning products and salons have heavy advertising. and i wonder why they would want it when all i ever really wanted all my life is to have fairer skin! dang these people...

Friday, May 18, 2007

what's up (email to russel)

nothing much to do right now. thought i'd drop you a line or two. kamusta ka na??? hindi mo na ko kwinentuhan....

kami dito... same old, same old. times are really tough but we're surviving. si migo, your inaanak, is going to senior kinder this june. whew...ang bilis noh. he's 4yrs and 9 mths old. si julla turned 1 last april 5. typical aries, mare... very strong-willed na bata, and to think, baby pa sya di ba pero ang strong ng personality. si migo is leo (august 13)...ganun din... king talaga, mahirap pasunurin but very malambing when he wants to be. i'm so proud of them (obvious ba) and they're my source of strength and joy. sana mapalaki ko sila ng maayos and sana ipagmalaki din nila ako pag laki nila and matanda na ako. parang "mommy ko yan... luv ko yan..." aheheheh....

sa work, i'm doing fine naman. found myself a nice company called "folded&hung" where i do...what else... denims...!! it's a local brand here doing retail. it's kinda one of "THE" brands locally these days. we have 28 company-owned stores in the malls and 7 or 8 franchisees. so far been here for 6 mths and doing quite ok. pay is better and i have less workload than before when i was with patrick. remember him?

hey...remember tray...travis... the guy whose name transformed me into trae in our troi&trae trip? i met him some time this year at starbucks here in t.morato. i didn't know it was him and he was the first to recognize and approach me. ...."uhmmm....chari capili???" he goes.

i turn and see this tall guy ( i didn't realize he was so tall) with an expectant look in his eyes. he's not so handsome as he was back then so his face didn't register.

he beat his hand to his chest...."remember me?"

puzzled look from me....followed by an apologetic look.... "ssssorry...??"

he stomped his foot. "travis.... ano ba?! di mo na ko kilala???"

ding!!! troi&trae... my eyes light up. "tray!!! it's you." heheheheh

we hugged. chicka kmi konti afterwards. he was with his wife and would you believe...4 kids, all 1 year apart in age, alternate boy-girl-boy-girl. and cute nila. wish he'd seen my kids too kaya lang i was with my officemates on a weekday. he was visiting lang from australia where his family is already based. cool noh... i envy you guys who're out of pinas already. although i really don't know if you guys are having a hard time there too but it seems to be a whole lot better living in another place outside this country.

hey... write me. anything. just keep in touch dammit!

Thursday, May 17, 2007


i have the worst kind of sore throat right now. the itch is unbearable and my voice breaks everytime i speak. it's been on and off like this since the weekend but today is the worst. it's due to the sudden change in weather last week. for some reason, it rained last week and god a little cold. so kids and cesar and i packed up our blankets and spent thursday night in the living room with open windows. that got me. colds and cough the following morning. and it's been like this since.
last night, julla got fever already. i know she got it from me coz we sleep together. poor baby. but this morning, she was getting better. hope she doesn't get too sick. abd cesar's asthma fired up the week before last. it's crazy--this changeable weather.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

new dwelling

here at the office, ms. v and i exchanged tables. we had our places cleaned and now i'm working on her table.

back at home, cesar and i are planning to move to another house. we'll start looking soon. chateau has become a small place for us and the kids... funny but 2 yrs back, we thought we'd all grow old there.

Friday, April 27, 2007

what's new

i can't believe my last weblog was in february! my... time flies by so fast when you're having fun, so the cliche goes.

much has happened over the last 2 months. work is fine. my family's fine. few glitches here and there but as always, generally, fine. migo and julla are growing bigger everyday. btw, julla turned 1 last april 5. had the simplest celebration ever with a small birthday cake and take out chinese food. it was simple but happy. she can walk now and blabbers all she wants. she smiles a lot now too, unlike before. migo is going to senior kinder this june. his grades drastically went down towards the end of his junior kinder year coz we had to move to my mom's house from january to march. we sort of neglected studying coz cesar and i got so busy with work while there. which prompted us to move back and him concentrating on work from home. we're back at chateau now. budget a little tighter but we're surviving. and migo has tamed down.

the heat is too much these days. summerrrrr. we have to turn on the airconditioning every night for the past 2 weeks so the kids could sleep better. i was telling cesar last night, we ought to be earning bigger money to sustain the daily airconditioning...hahaha...what with the high cost of electricity here in the philippines... ironic that we moved back with less financial sustainance but more financial obligations...

i got my hair styled last weekend. had it cut short. pretty cool, everybody said so. i feel so, too. i think i became younger by a couple of years heheheh...

i should mention that ima is so far still well. but she's on vacation now at her sister's house in pampanga. she really should get all the rest she needs. she still did housework at my mom's house eventhough they prohibit her from doing so. tigas-ulo. sipag kase and coz it's the only thing she could do and she'd probably feel useless if she didn't do anything. so last sunday, we brought her there, to stay for a couple of weeks. but mom said if she liked it there, she can stay for good. i feel kinda sorry for her, that she was in a way "put away" because she seems "useless" already but mom did say it's for her own good and nobody can take care of her while she's with them. oh anyway... oh well...

i can't wait till christmas. i just feel it will be a lot better this year. with the 2 kids growing and can appreciate the season even more. also, with the good karma that i've been getting the past months, i know it will be "good-er" in the next months. also, i will be done with my loan by august so more money to spend too.

god is good. that is my testimony forever. i am living proof. till my next log....

27 apr 2007

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

mommy matters

every single morning for the past few weeks has been nothing but stressful for me. i think i grew older by 5 years or so just by living this past month.
i literally don't have somebody to take care of my kids right now. yes, i've got ima right now but you know, she's old and weak. although, she's very willing to take care of them herself and won't admit that she's incapable of that. but since we started staying at my parents' home again this january, things sort of got a little topsy-turvy for me and cesar and the kids. first, we have to sleep in the makeshift bed in tyrone's room while waiting to move in to our new abode. yes, we're moving to a new dwelling... we're doing this for practical reasons, what with cesar doing work at yohanan.

but i digress. about my stressful life.... every morning, i wake up and julla wakes up too. she's so into me that she never, as in never, wants to leave my arms. just sitting her on my lap won't do for her. she literally wants to be always carried around. by me. nobody else but me. every morning, while carrying julla, migo wakes up whaling if not crying because he doesn't want to wake up yet and go to school, yet. which makes me try all means of persuasion until finally, all pent up emotions of frustration breaks loose and i give him a spanking or a loud scolding. some days, cesar is still there to help in this endeavor. some days, he has to leave early so i'm left to my own ways and means.

making migo take a bath is another episode of all means of persuasion, frustration and spanking/scolding. afterwhich, getting him to dress up for school -- another episode. all that, while i try to get myself fixed up for work while lugging along julla in one arm and brushing my teeth with the other. when finally, somebody (that is, my dad or ima) is available to take julla from me, i am all stressed out and ready to go back to bed and resign to the fact that i am not fit for work for the day. but no -- i take migo's hand and bring him to school -- late. but nontheless, i kiss him and ask him to behave and be good in school, wave and blow him kisses as he walks to his classroom.

now, left to myself, i take a deep sigh and head for work. as it seems, work has become easier than all that i have to deal with in the first 2 hours of the morning. so i breeze through the day. eventhough i have lots of work, i feel it's my relax time. almost 8 hours of pure bliss.
then at six p.m. i hurry home. not because i want to stress myself again but because i want to be with my kids and cesar again. i guess this is how it is. howver tired they make me, however less time i have for myself, i still want to be with them. sometimes, i wonder when will there be time for just me. me, myself and i. hmmm... but could be kinda lonesome without them around.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

the new year

happy new year! although a bit late. i've no time to blog anymore. work has been overwhelming since the start of january. i'm not sure also if was put behind a firewall by our sys ad so i haven't done any blogging from the office. only now that i got some peace and quiet from my mommy chores did i get to open the computer, do some surfing, friendster and yes, blogger.
we started 2007 not so well. i hope it doesn't last the whole year, as some old folks believe. i don't wanna talk about what happened coz it caused such a strain on my psychological well-being that constantly reminding me of it depresses me. i just pray to God everything will work out right.
presently, cesar is the cook at yohanan. i don't know for how long coz we do plan to venture into the business on our own. sana soon... if finances allow, if God wills it.

migo and julla are growing everyday. migo is no longer a baby. he has qualities from his dad -- very brusque and street-smart. very opinionated and independent-minded. it's positive in a lot of ways but kind of hard to handle too. he's doing good in school albeit very makulit. he's been having some skin problems and it's driving me nuts. he always gets his hands dirty and gets sweaty and scratches every itchy inch of his body, thus, bruises and all. ugh.

julla, our pretty baby is getting prettier everyday. (thank God she doesn't look like me... although many say she does) however, since we've been staying at my mom & dad's house, she's had mosquito bites that caused dark spots on her legs and arms. ugh. my two kids with skin imperfections... sigh... if only i could always be there to take care of them.

but here i am, still the working mom with no choice. but i'm spending every minute of my time at home with them. hope this year brings my family a lot to be happy about.