cactus

thinking of getting a cactus.  yes, that thorny prickly plant.  actually thinking of owning a collection of cactuses...errr... cacti.

over the weekend, i was obsessed with thai movies that until yesterday, i was searching for them on the internet.  i chanced upon a short film "cactus amnesia" and this started this sudden interest in this plant specie.  

as we all know, this plant has thorns that can prick you when touched.  since they originally live in the desert, they don't need much care and attention.  you have to nurture the cactus by not watering it everyday for it can live without it for days.  it can sit there with you for a long time without you even noticing it growing.  with some species, you have to wait 2 years to 15 years for it to flower.  you just have to continue believing in its inner beauty and wait for it to come out.


i have one cactus in my life right now.  i'm getting more.

praying

http://papertolesupply.com/littleboyprayingpapertole3dkit5x7.aspx

our little family recently got into the habit of praying spontaneously.  for years, we've been praying "the angel of god" every night before bedtime.  the four of us know it by heart, even when the kids were too young to pronounce the words, they knew the prayer by sound and would ramble along with the hubby and me whilst we did.


i love that these days, the spontaneous praying has become a requisite.  the little big man prays in english.  the little girl in tagalog.  the hubby in tagalog, me in english.  mostly the kids' prayers are thank yous for the good things that happened during their day.  then they'd say sorry for disobeying or anything they know they did wrong.  what touches me most is when they pray for each other and for their dad and me.  especially their dad about our problems last year.  i feel their sincerity.  i have really cool kids, i know right. :)


as i write, i was supposed to relate an actual prayer but my memory is failing me.  this blog entry was started last january 19 with that in mind but i was unable to finish so i'm just finishing it now.  i will make sure to remember tonight's prayers so i can write them down here.

Better Days - Goo Goo Dolls

and you ask me what i want this year

and i try to make this kind and clear

just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

coz i don't need boxes wrapped in strings

and desire and love and empty things

just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

so take these words

and sing out loud

coz everyone is forgiven now

coz tonight's the night the world begins again

and it's someplace simple where we could live

and something only you can give

and that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive

and the one poor child that saved this world

and there's 10 million more who probably could

if we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

so take these words

and sing out loud

coz everyone is forgiven now

coz tonight's the night the world begins again

i wish everyone was loved tonight

and somehow stop this endless fight

just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

so take these words

and sing out loud

coz everyone is forgiven now

coz tonight's the night the world begins again

coz tonight's the night the world begins again

look! a rainbow!

this morning, on the cab on our way to the little big man's school we saw this:

sorry it's blurred, i was inside a moving vehicle when i shot this.  it's a rainbow, in case you can't recognize it. it's special because it's a full arch -- as in half a circle which sent me a lot more positive vibes.

last night was another restless night.  i was finally able to download "Sound of Music" for my mom.  yes, the 1965 classic which she has been requesting since about two weeks ago when i also had restless nights. funny how i am able to accomplish things when there are restless nights.  so ok, i'm being redundant.  but my life *has* actually become redundant with the burden that God is putting me through right now.  i know this will pass and i am hanging on.  i don't know His plans for me and my family but i believe if He put me to this, He'll get me through this.  

another "good" thing about these restless nights is that i am also able to watch the new tv series that i want (new girl, 2 broke girls) and update on the old ones i missed (glee, big bang theory) because no one is bugging me to watch other shows.  i am able to sleep at whatever time i want and go on the internet until forever.  my kids' nanny has been helpful, both physically and emotionally and i am grateful for the time we spend talking and she giving me encouragement.  who would've thought she could become my friend?  my mom had nothing but kind words of hope and support and surprisingly, my dad is calmer and only wishes me to handle this with compassion.

i've looked through the internet for ways to help myself and my little family and i know with time and patience, we will overcome this.

so like in my last post, this post is testament to my faith in the rainbow after the rain, the silver lining behind every cloud and a happier me once all this is over.

God measures a person with the burden He puts on him.  

So when we feel our load is heavier than the rest, 

be happy for God sees us stronger than the rest.

-SMS sent by chinggu just this morning

Notes:
Week before Migo's bday, 10k?? Forgot
Week before Oct 23, Nem's wedding, 6k
Nov 8 - 17, 16k
Nov 23 - 25, 2k

the silver lining

i'm sad as shit right now.  but i don't want it to get to me.  so i've decided to write down the things i have to thank for so as not to feel the hurt.  i have to re-affirm to myself that i am still blessed despite the troubles i am going through.  surely, there are more people in far more worse situations than what i am in right now.

for starters, i am super thankful for my two wonderful kids.  they make me crazy most of the time, when they argue or try to compete for attention but hey, i cannot ask for anybody else.  they're my treasures.  and i'm glad that they love me back even if i scream at them at times.  and i know they won't ask for another mom too.

secondly, i am mega thankful for my friends.  my younger set of colleagues keep me sane at work.  the gays add the spice to living daily in our office.  also, my best friends who i get to talk to online for they're far away are also present in my daily struggles.  these people don't have a clue as to my pain thereby giving me spontaneity and a sense of normalcy.  they don't know how much they're helping me cope.

i am uber grateful for my mom and my dad who understands me and let's me be.  


i am very thankful to God for giving me problems He knows i can handle.  indeed, there is always a silver lining in every cloud.  i haven't seen it yet but i know, it will be visible soon.  i just have to trust and have faith.

Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to. 

George Seaton

06 january 2011

it's the saddest day of 2011 for me.  and it's only been six days.

miracle water

so my friend andre just got back from korea and he was raving about how beautiful it was there, that he wanted to go back next year and explore places and the food more.  one of the many highlights of his trip was at naju to visit julia kim. 

i read about julia kim through forwarded emails from friends and family long ago and i was awed at the miracles that have happened to her.   andre, bless him, was so awed to meet her himself and i saw how happy he was as he related to me his experience.  then, he took from his pocket two small bottles containing miracle water from the spring at naju where julia kim lived.   this water brings healing to sicknesses.  he told me one was for my dad and the other for me.  i am thankful.

so when i told the hubby, little big man and the little girl about it, most excited was the little big man.  i tried to explain to them kids how it works.  that it's water that we will drink and we will be healed of whatever sickness we have, by faith.  of course, their young minds cannot grasp this completely yet and they ended up thinking that they can make a wish through it and their wish will come true.  i let them think of it as such forewarning them that God does not always grants wishes right away if He thinks its not yet meant for them.  i was concerned that they will be disapointed with the miracle water if their wish or prayer was left unanswered.  i was teaching them faith.

so on monday morning before going to school and work, the four of us gathered together and each said their own silent prayer with eyes shut tight.  then one by one, i dropped the water on each's mouth.  i felt the purity and sincerity of the moment. 

last night, on our way home the little big man told me what he wished for.  he said he asked God to take away his not so nice habit of letting his mouth hang open when in thought or doing something.  he also asked that he become an honor student.  and that he gets to have lots and lots of toys.  i had to smile at how innocent and simple his wish was, which i know for sure God will grant in some way.

then he asked me what i wished for.  i was hesitant but he insisted and told me that it's ok to share it with him.  so i told him i wished that everything they (i.e., him, little girl and their dad) wished for be granted. 

why? he asked, confused.

because it will make me happy if your wish is granted.

but this was your chance to wish for something for yourself and you gave it to us?

i just smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

yes, anak, because i love you too much i'd give anything for your happiness.  my wish is that someday you will pass it on and live a good life and make me proud that i have raised you well.