Wednesday, December 28, 2011

year ender

and just like that, my favorite time of the year has come and gone.  i've literally waited all year for december, believing that things always get better this season.  the last stretch was the worst time and it made me glad that things worked out eventually.  all in God's time.  i knew i should just believe in His plans.

some really good things happened over the christmas holiday though.  material things.  the new ipad 2, the new refrigerator, the goodies the family got from family and friends, the baguio trip.  spiritually, i believe the little family has gone a little more deeper in faith.  

and as 2011 comes to a close, here's hoping for a brighter year ahead.  looking forward to another new beginning.  and making things right.  abundance!!!!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

the sculptor

today i am reminded of that anecdote from way back my SADE days some 20 years ago.  it's a story about a sculptor who was always dissatisfied with his life, always wanting something else aside from what he already had. 

one day, he chanced upon a king who was passing by in a grand chariot and he admired how magnificent and powerful the king was.  he became so envious that he shouted to the heavens, i wish i were king!  the heavens opened up and a ray of light shined upon the sculptor and right then and there, he became a king.

now a happy king, he lived in a castle and ruled a vast and rich country.  until one day, he walked out on his palace's patio and was overwhelmed by the glare of the sun's blinding light.  he couldn't believe something was more magnificent than he.  he became so envious that he shouted to the heavens, i wish i were the sun!  the heavens opened up and a ray of light shined upon the king and right then and there, he became the sun.

later that afternoon, as the new sun shone upon the whole vast country that he once ruled as a king, a gray cloud came by.  it covered the sun and the sun, being permanently in place couldn't do anything about it.  and it realized that this cloud, however gloomy and sad it is, has power over the sun.  he became so envious that he shouted to the heavens, i wish i were a cloud!  the heavens opened up and a ray of light shined upon the sun and right then and there, he became a cloud.

pretty soon, the cloud felt itself getting heavier and heavier.  and after a while, it felt itself transforming into tiny drops of rain.  each drop fiercely fell down on the land below.  it couldn't do anything about it and decided to concentrate dropping on an immovable piece of rock on the ground.  but no matter how hard the rain fell on the rock, it would not budge.  no sir, not one bit.  and the rain was aghast!  he became so envious that he shouted to the heavens, i wish i were a rock!  the heavens opened up and a ray of light shined upon the rain and right then and there, he became a rock.

several weeks passed.  the rock sat quietly on the side of the road.  it knew that it was more powerful than the sculptor, the king, the sun, the cloud and the rain.  unmoving.  unaffected.  lonely.  

until one day, a young man walked past the rock, looked back at it, picked it up and took it home.  the young man then took out a hammer and a chisel and little by little, sculpted the rock a new shape that will later on be admired by generations.  

and the rock knew the power that he had always had inside of him.  he was no longer envious.  and he whispered to the heavens, i wish i were the sculptor that i once was.

"The soul of the world is nourished by people's happiness.
And also by unhappiness, envy and jealousy.
To realize one's destiny is a person's only obligation.
All things are one. "
- The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Monday, December 12, 2011

Fix You - Coldplay

When you try your best and you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and I will try to fix you

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

days after

it's been long since i went to a bank and made a deposit.  most of the time, somebody does my bank errands for me.  today was a different story.  

so when i got there, i saw that the "bar" where you get the deposit slips, withdrawal slips and all those slips was empty.  i politely asked the guard where should i get.  he said there were no more such slips and instead i had to use the touchscreen computer to enter my data.  a nice young woman in a scrubsuit even taught me.

i guess i should start getting used to doing things by myself.  self reliance.

Sunday, December 04, 2011


it is official and i don't know how long i will keep count but i long for the day that i no longer have to because i am completely over this.  i don't know if i should keep posting on this blog or start a new one.  because today marks the beginning of a new phase in my life.  

so here's something that will get me through this day and the coming days.  

i will continue to believe in choosing to be happy, the silver lining behind every cloud, the rainbow after the rain and better days ahead.

Thursday, December 01, 2011

conversations (the trick question)

after we turned off the lights last night and the little girl was all snuggled and comfy beside me, her brother the little big man on her other side while her dad the hubby on his newly-purchased matress on the floor beside our bed:

mommy, sinong mahal mo?

backgrounder:  the little girl is obsessed about knowing that i love her most.  she constantly needs reaffirmation of this fact and usually asks randomly like that.  i used to reply to this question with my truest, safest answer, which is kayong dalawa ng kuya mo.  to which she would disagree and would insist that i choose only one.  and i would tell her that i cannot choose only one because i love them both equally -- as my son and as my daughter.  

usually, conversations like these are open-ended and it disappoints her that she is not loved more than her brother.  but i stand by my answer.  until a couple of months or so ago, i was talking with the little big man and we happened to discuss this issue.  i told him that whenever his sister asks this question, i have a hard time with her.  and he told me it's ok with him to tell her (or make her believe) that she is more loved than he. he understands because she's still young and cannot decipher yet.  but he does know i've loved him for 9 years now and his sister for 5 and it will be ok for him to hear that i love his sister more than he, for the sake of his sister's satisfaction.  he is confident enough that i love him as much, period.

so last night, upon popping the question, the little big man and i nudged each other knowingly.  while i know in the darkness, the hubby breaks into a smile.

so i answered, alam mo naman sagot di ba?

and she goes, eh basta sagutin mo yung tanong ko.  sinong mahal mo?  may kasunod pang tanong dun.

so i rolled my eyes and hugged her to me and proudly said,  syempre ikaw.

WAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! in the silence and darkness of our bedroom, she literally bawled and broke into tears.  i jumped up and gathered her in my arms to comfort her only to be pushed away by her little arms and hands as she shouted dejectedly,  hindi mo ko mahal, hindi mo ko mahal!!!

i tried to calm her, asking her why was she reacting that way when i was sure it was the answer she wanted to hear.

kase yung susunod na tanong ko, sinong pinakamahal mo!  (more sobs, tears and stomping of her feet in the air, and crossing of her arms so i couldn't make her hug me back)   hindi ako pinakamahal mo!

then, laughter.  from the hubby her dad.  from the little big man her brother.  while i tried to suppress mine, it still came out and broke her heart even more.  she cried some more while i still tried to hug her to me.  

pinagtatawanan nyo pa ko! hindi nyo ko mahal lahat kayo!

later, after some explanations, she calmed down.

ang daya mo naman kase.  trick question na nga yung una, may second trick question pa pala.

this kid -- she's just impossible aint she?  :-D  this story i will add to my imaginary box of cute memorable conversations with the little girl.  together with the story of the upo and blast from the past.

A child can ask questions that even a wise man cannot answer.
- Author unknown