Tuesday, February 06, 2007

mommy matters

every single morning for the past few weeks has been nothing but stressful for me. i think i grew older by 5 years or so just by living this past month.
i literally don't have somebody to take care of my kids right now. yes, i've got ima right now but you know, she's old and weak. although, she's very willing to take care of them herself and won't admit that she's incapable of that. but since we started staying at my parents' home again this january, things sort of got a little topsy-turvy for me and cesar and the kids. first, we have to sleep in the makeshift bed in tyrone's room while waiting to move in to our new abode. yes, we're moving to a new dwelling... we're doing this for practical reasons, what with cesar doing work at yohanan.

but i digress. about my stressful life.... every morning, i wake up and julla wakes up too. she's so into me that she never, as in never, wants to leave my arms. just sitting her on my lap won't do for her. she literally wants to be always carried around. by me. nobody else but me. every morning, while carrying julla, migo wakes up whaling if not crying because he doesn't want to wake up yet and go to school, yet. which makes me try all means of persuasion until finally, all pent up emotions of frustration breaks loose and i give him a spanking or a loud scolding. some days, cesar is still there to help in this endeavor. some days, he has to leave early so i'm left to my own ways and means.

making migo take a bath is another episode of all means of persuasion, frustration and spanking/scolding. afterwhich, getting him to dress up for school -- another episode. all that, while i try to get myself fixed up for work while lugging along julla in one arm and brushing my teeth with the other. when finally, somebody (that is, my dad or ima) is available to take julla from me, i am all stressed out and ready to go back to bed and resign to the fact that i am not fit for work for the day. but no -- i take migo's hand and bring him to school -- late. but nontheless, i kiss him and ask him to behave and be good in school, wave and blow him kisses as he walks to his classroom.

now, left to myself, i take a deep sigh and head for work. as it seems, work has become easier than all that i have to deal with in the first 2 hours of the morning. so i breeze through the day. eventhough i have lots of work, i feel it's my relax time. almost 8 hours of pure bliss.
then at six p.m. i hurry home. not because i want to stress myself again but because i want to be with my kids and cesar again. i guess this is how it is. howver tired they make me, however less time i have for myself, i still want to be with them. sometimes, i wonder when will there be time for just me. me, myself and i. hmmm... but could be kinda lonesome without them around.

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