working mom

let me forwarn you. this will be tearful.

this morning, the little big man woke up with fever while i was preparing to go to work. 

(you must know that our little family is coping with the hubby in neverland and it's just the kids and me in the little home for over a month now.)

i gave him biogesic. yes, he's taking tablet medicine now. i asked him if he was ok and he said no. he has a headache. i asked him if he wants me not to go to work and stay with him.

ikaw bahala was his reply.

(it's up to you.)

what to do? any normal, sane, caring mother knows very well that means he doesn't want to impose but of course he wants me to stay with him.

so i picked up my phone to text the office that i was not coming to work. 

before sending the text, i thought of all the things i have to do at work today. i thought of 3 scheduled meetings. i thought of my friend/officemate/department-partner who has already informed me in advance that she might not be in today so there won't be anyone to delegate the work today. i thought of the would-be-loss of 1 day's salary. 

i went back to the little big man and whispered to him that i really have to go to work. that i want to stay with him but i have committed to those 3 meetings and that there will be no one else to do the work today and so i cannot NOT go to work.

he said ok.

now, i'm at work. and i am guilty as hell. so judge me.

tears. tears and tears of regret.

sorry, anak.

She never quite leaves her children at home, 

even when she doesn't take them along.

~Margaret Culkin Banging