mortality

what a morbid way to start a day.

i was sitting in the cab on my way to work and started recalling the events of the day before.  it was the first time i was by myself since i read the medical recommendation.

i shut my eyes tight and thought how it would feel like in the last few moments before i die.  it would be totally dark, exactly like the state i was in with my eyes closed.  i would still hear the sounds around me.  i would shiver in the sudden cold that envelopes me.  then slowly, slowly, i would slip into oblivion... i imagine this to be the way i would like to go.  no pain, just peaceful.  happy.  ready.  no worries about those i would leave behind.

it was yesterday afternoon when they called everyone at the office to get the results of our annual physical examination.  i went up casually to kathy who was releasing the print outs of the results and she told me -- casually too -- that i needed to consult with a cardiologist regarding my ecg exam.  it didn't sink in right away.  i took the print out, randomly went over the report and found at the bottom what she was talking about:  ADVISE CONSULT.  Further, i checked the other half sheet of paper where it said the following:

Electrocardiogram

Rhythm: Sinus Bradycardia

Interpretation: Poor R wave progression

 Left axis Deviation

upon realization what this means, i tried to find a chair to sit on.  what if i have heart failure and i'm gonna die soon?  (i know now that i was overreacting but what did you expect?!)  

i thought of my kids and how young they still are to lose their mother.  (ok, ok i can see you're slowly breaking into a smile, whoever you are reading this!)  

then came flashbacks of me having those episodes of having shortness of breath in the last 12 months or so.  (could those have been symptoms?)    also those headaches..... fatigue usually after work hours..... headaches...

when i got back to my table, i immediately googled the diagnosis.  sinus bradycardia is a sinus rhythm with a resting heart rate of 60 beats per minute or less. however, few patients actually become symptomatic until their heart rate drops to less than 50 beats per minute. the action potential responsible for this rhythm arises from the sinus node and causes a P wave on the surface ECG that is normal in terms of both amplitude and vector. these P waves are typically followed by a normal QRS complex and T wave.  (lifted from emedicine website)

simply put, my heart is beating slowly.

today i am reminded of my mortality. and  today i resolve to see that cardiologist this weekend and get this over with.  my health is more important now more than ever because my children depend on me to always be there for them.  i cannot afford to miss out on all those meaningful events in their lives.  i cannot NOT be strong enough to defend them in times of trouble.  any problem with me or my state of being simply CANNOT BE.

the Nth medal

i am not bragging, although i usually am when it comes to the little big man's achievements.  but i honestly lost track already of how many medals he's won.  i also already forgot how many competitions he has participated in but i'm sure it's less than twenty, more than ten.

so last weekend it was a bronze.  it was in alaminos, pangasinan, home of the hundred islands of the philippines.  the guy he lost to was from baguio.  we have heard lots of stories about baguio players -- that they train literally everyday, that they run uphill so they have stronger body resistance, that they "down-grade" (i don't know how to call it and if that's the right term at all)  their belts, i.e. if a player is a red belt he competes as a blue belt (lower) so he usually wins.

anyway, on our part, coach decided to make the little big man play a higher belt.  he's only a high blue in novice level but coach told him to wear a red belt and threw him in the pit with an advance level opponent.  he won his first game via sudden death.  unfortunately, he lost in the semi-finals but managed to be 3rd with a bronze medal.

overall, our team was 4th place among 23 competing teams.  not bad for our team who only had 15 players unlike others who had 50.  and the experience was well worth it because we not only won a tournament, we also won friendships with families of team mates.

small talk

got the little big man's 1st quarter report card last saturday.  was good.  as expected, his highest grade was in math and phys ed.  his homeroom teacher, ms. torrefranca informed me that academically, he was doing good.  their only problem with him is his being talkative in class. 

i can't deny.  my son is very opinionated and can't shut his mouth.  he will say everything and anything that comes to his mind, no matter what the situation or the circumstance.  he will explain when he's being reprimanded.  he will comment on other people's conversations.  he will always have something to say on somebody else's business.  i know for a fact that he did not get that from me.  i am one of the most tactful people i know.  it can't have come from me, no sir.  the hubby, although he vehemently and laughingly denies this, is to blame.

teacher clare, his tutor told me exactly the same thing.  i was informed that he is as good as the 1st honor student in her tutor class and she's confident about his intellectual capabilities.  but her only complaint was that he can't seem to contain his thoughts and comments to himself.  though whenever he is reminded, he immediately says sorry and keeps quiet, for a while, until he forgets again to mind his own business.

so this morning, on his first day back to school, i reminded the little big man to try shutting his trap for at least when he isn't being talked to.  with a daily dose of that, i am a little bit confident he's gonna be in the honor roll next quarter.  i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

water costume

and so the little big man performed in a field demo in school for their foundation day celebration.  they did an interpretative dance, their batch representing water among the elements.  other batches were air and water.  they won the "most unique" award.

from afar, watching him, i was awed at how he's grown.  he's 8 years old now and in 3rd grade.  a lot has changed within, around and for him.  his school, his height, his daily routine, his activities, his likes and dislikes, his attitude, his achievements, his intelligence, his EQ.  i feel that this year is one of the best years of his life because of the turning points that occurred from big decisions that we made.

but i'm supposed to talk about his costume.  :)  it wasn't easy to get his costume done.  first he needed white long sleeved leotards.  i knew just where to get them in that aisle in sm hypermarket where we got the little girl's ballet outfit last summer.  no problem.  

then there's the royal blue pants that semi-looked like pajamas.  i was sure our neighbor, who sews scrub suits for a living, will find a perfect royal blue fabric and sew it in no time.  hubby insisted to go looking for it somewhere else despite this but he came back empty-handed after scouring stalls and depstores.  true enough, i was right. luckily, we got it the day before the event.  black rubber slippers too on the same day.

and then there's the head dress.  that's a whole story on its own.  i got the blue foil, sequins, elmer's glue-all, black electric tape and illustration board at national bookstore.  the pattern was given to them at school and the little big man proudly announced few days before the event that he had cut it out by himself.  the task was to cover it with blue foil, stick the silver sequins all around the edges and make it stand on his head without falling down while performing.  i thought it was a piece of cake.  or so i thought.

as i stood back, looking at the whole ensemble, i think i now know what poseidon would look like if he were gay.  i told hubby that this would be something my son would look back on 20 years from now and be embarrassed about.  it looked so gay!  LOL!

sick, sick!

why, oh why, did i have to get sick!?  just when i ran out of sick leaves and just when i had tons to do at work and just when i needed to take another leave for the little big man's school activity!?

as i write (or type), i am light-headed and woozy but my fever is gone, thank goodness for bioflu.  the little girl is also just recovering from almost a week-long fever and tonsilitis.  her pedia had her blood tested for dengue too, just like the little big man last week.  the hubby is having headaches as well.  

seems to me that everytime one of us gets sick, the rest of the family follows.  hubby thinks it has something to do with our house.  wrong feng shui?  so he's thinking of rearranging the furniture again soon.  or moving to a new place, perhaps?  we've not actually moved on with our start of 2010 plans of getting a house so there's not much choice but to get an apartment.  

so let me leave it at that for the meantime coz i really feel i need to go back to bed now.  sniff.

monday dinner

so it was a monday and a holiday in our little country and the four of us -- the hubby, the little big man, the little girl and me -- went to dine out, for the heck of it.  mainly coz we didn't have househelp during weekends and holidays  and hubby didn't want to cook.  and y'all know i don't.

so in our pambahay and tsinelas, we went al fresco at chow king -- a couple of hundred steps just outside our home.

migo had fever since sunday night but still had an appetite so we decided to get him one of his favorites, sweet and sour pork.  no softdrinks, thank you.  i'm proud of him that he is not into that.

julla was her usual self, trying her mighty best not to eat anything.  i force fed her some siomai and tiny bits of pork with sweet and sour sauce mixed in with rice by bribing her that she won't get any lollipops tomorrow.

and their dad?  well, he pretty much ate everything up just as he usually does.  since i don't eat much during dinner, he gets to consume my share of the meal.

i like it that we have these simple feasts.  it makes me secure that this little family is well-bonded and happy.

today will be better, i swear

today i am reminded of the story of the mother who taught her daughter (or is it the father who taught his son?  or the professor who taught the student?) about the different ways people respond to problems in life.  she brought with her a potato, an egg and coffee and each put these items in boiling water.  the potato came out softened, the egg came out hard-boiled and the coffee changed the water and made it a totally different entity.

all my life i've known myself to be the cry-baby of our family.  i was always the unassertive daughter compared to my more intelligent older brother and sanguine younger brother.  so i was a potato.  ironic though that i was the more independent one among the three of us.  i asked for my own room while still in elementary while my siblings stuck it out with ima for the longest time.  i did my own homeworks without my mom's assistance as early as 1st grade.  i never asked my parents to use their connections so i can land a job after i finished college.  i decided for myself, always believing that i have to do things on my own so i will never have to blame anybody else for failure but myself.

i've noticed one thing about myself that i've not really considered that i guess i've had for some time now.  i have learned to immune myself from negative things that are happening in my life.  i don't cry over problems as often as i used to.  i don't get depressed for more than  a few minutes.  it's not like i'm always happy, it's more like i always find something to smile about despite the challenges that come my way.  i've learned how to sit back unaffected while everybody else is panic-stricken all around me.  have  i become a hard-boiled egg?   jaded?  or have i merely accepted the things i cannot change?

maybe i should read about the phlegmatic personality again.  this post has started to depress me. :)

so i want to be coffee.  i want to be able to turn situations around.  make better things out of not so good things.  find the silver lining behind every cloud. 

for inspiration, here's the song:

today will be better, i swear. -- stars

pagbabago

i've been keeping diaries since i was in high school, in the written form, in cute notebooks i buy.  my objective was, like everybody else who does this, to keep my memories on ink and paper.  just in case i get alzheimer's someday, i'd be able to read back. 

then came the world wide web. i started this blog as an online diary.  and it was timely that my hubby and i, with our then 2-year old son were going to move out of my parents' house into our own home.  thus, the title of this blog "our dwelling."

below is my very first blog entry on December 24, 2004 that started a major change in my life.

"today is my last day at work before i go on vacation for the holidays. within this vacation, me and cesar and migo will transfer to our new home. it will be just the three of us and our nanny. this is a major turning point in my life since you all know i've lived with my parents, brothers and ima all my life. i've never lived anywhere else except for a few days when i go abroad for work or the weekends i spent away when i was still a team member of sade.

my life has always been intertwined with my parents, brothers, ima & tyrone. things will be so, so different now that i will officially become "a homemaker". i will be in charge of everything now, there will be nobody to depend on but me, myself & i. i will do the cooking, shopping, laundry... gosh, a jillion things... and it does seem so hard. my boss asked me why i wanted to live on my own when i had it so easy with my parents. i said it's about time i did. funny but however frightening it seems to not be with my parents, i am pretty excited to plunge into this new phase in my life. i know it will be hard. but i chose this new life. come to think of it, i should've chosen this 3 years ago when i married cesar.

anyway, wish me luck!"

click here for actual blog entry
 

today, 6 years later, i could say that i've grown into a different but better person.  independent of my parents, i now draw strength from my own little family, with 2  adorable kids and a loving hubby.  through it all, goldilocks took part in every birthday, anniversary and any occasion this little family had to celebrate. 

looking back, my life would've been totally different had i not decided to live on my own.  and i come to realize that change, no matter how difficult, is something that is inevitable and all i have to do is accept, cope and face up to the challenge.

here's to more happy years ahead!

mommy matters

the other night, the little big man handed me a brown sheet of paper from school.  it read "pupil's behavioral report".  it showed 5 minor offenses committed by him to which i had to sign to prove that i am informed of this situation.

i was saddened by this that i couldn't help but shed a few tears right in front of my son.  which made him feel soooo full of remorse.  he cried and hugged me and promised to behave in school from now on.

makes me think of all those times that my friends would tell me what a great mom i am.  to which i always tell them that i actually have a lot -- a whole lot, for that matter -- of flaws as a mother.  for one thing, i do not cook.  i do not iron clothes, much less wash them.  i spend too much time on facebook, farmville and market street instead of sitting with them through a good book.  i don't know how to braid or even tie my daughter's hair properly that won't make her look like she's having a bad hair day.  i let them get dirty but i do make them wash up after.  i sometimes forget to check their homeworks, boo!!  i don't wake up in the middle of the night to make them pee , thus, a wet bed at 3 a.m.

i cannot, for the life of me, bear the smell of barf but i am unbelievably able to clean up several ounces of julla's fresh barf every so often.  i learned to clean up my kids' poo back during their diaper-wearing days too.  i am ever patient with them when they are being whiny or clingy.  i do wash the dishes.  i sew my kids' names inside their underwear and i make fabulous name tags for their books, notebooks and school supplies which i  really think is quite cool.  i read to them whenever i can (or when i'm not on facebook hahah!).  i buy them cool clothes, shoes and toys believing it boosts their confidence to have cool things.  i make sure they go to good schools and expose them to everything i can to make them well-rounded persons.   i lie in bed with open arms and let each kid snuggle up in each armpit, every night, hugging them to me until they fall asleep.  by request, i skip work to spend a whole day with them.  and everyday, i go straight home from work to maximize family time. (and facebook time, har-har!)  i attend every school activity or extra-curricular event that my kid is involved in. 

i wake them up gently.  i tickle them.  i bathe them.  i kiss and hug them as often as i can and as much as they'll allow me.  i never break promises as long as i can help it.  i

i  could go on and on.  yet, i can never claim to be worst mom in the world.  nor the greatest.  i think, each mom has something only her own children will benefit from.  the way we love them is our own.  we will only know we're doing the right thing everytime they hug us back, kiss us back. 

Don't worry that your children never listen to you:

worry that they are always watching you. 

--Robert Fulghum

hot

at jollibee with my little big man, my little girl and the hubby on a sunday afternoon.  we ordered chicken joys, jolly hotdogs, peach mango pies, no softdrinks please as the kids have already learned not to drink those.  instead, we asked for glasses with ice and fetched purified water from their dispenser.

we had to wait couple of minutes for the chicken after specifying we wanted thigh part for all of us.  so as we waited, conversation with the kids and the hubby went from how much time they'd be able to nap before we hear mass, to the reason why migo always loses his ballpen or ID or book in school, to why julla should sit properly on her chair and not remove her slippers in public places such as this and that public congested places usually cause people to get sick.

then migo asked from out of the blue, mommy what does feeling is hot mean in tagalog?

slightly irked, believing that he knows the answer, only he wanted to sound inquisitive, i replied, eh di mainit ang pakiramdam.  pag feeling mo nilalagnat ka.  feeling is hot.

to which he replied, almost puzzled, eh bakit sya nakasulat sa peach mango pie?

quota

in the retail business where i'm at, there's such a thing called quota.  every month, each department is required to meet a minimum amount of sales that will total the desired sales for the month of the brand.

last december, my department reached 137% of our quota, which gave me great pride in what i do.  after that, the next months till today, the highest we ever reached was 92%, in which times i've  suddenly questioned my capacity to make saleable jeans.

this past week, there have been sales issues in the office and i heard of a meeting amongst the vp for finance, accounting manager and merchandisers.  it turned out that my department was, to quote the accounting manager, the healthiest among the departments.  she said that, although we did not reach our quota the last 6 months, there is a steady growth in our sales per month. further, we do not have "sleeping" inventory, we don't give too high discounts during sale events aside from having a healthy profit margin in the products we sell.  which means, we are contributing to sales more than we thought.

big smile on my face.  can you say that again, nem?

i would like to believe that i'm the best at what i do.  it's something i think i can do even in my sleep.  sometimes, i even think it's too easy.  but sometimes, i feel so unappreciated and taken for granted and i get discouraged and think maybe i'm getting old for this job.

but having told of this development at work made me gain back the confidence and respect i have for what i do.  it also reaffirmed that i am doing the right thing.  it's like a pat on the back that made me want to strive even more to outdo myself and it gave me more reason to continue what i do.

folded&hungjeans pre-holiday collection at f&h stores this august.  check it out.

photography

and so my dream to delve into photography begins in august 2010.

back in college, i had a photography class that turned out to be useless.  our prof only showed up on the first day of class to tell us what plates to submit every week, which places to go to shoot and gave us a super brief lecture on aperture and shutter speed.  i never got to go into the dark room and develop actual pictures.  i didn't see him again.  not even during the submission of plates.  next i saw him was during the finals to get our class cards and our grades. 

it began during my pre-wedding preparations. i was looking for a good photographer for my wedding so i browsed at different websites checking out the works of local and foreign photographers and the uneducated me loved most of what she saw.  i've been appreciative of a good, well-thought of photograph since.   and i thought, i want to do this too.

so armed with a 5megapixel point and shoot digicam, i started documenting occasions, trips, even ordinary days by shooting candid, unexpected, supposedly unstudied photos of people and places.  my digital photos use up most of my computer's disk space and it even caused my old computer to crash.  i was literally crushed when that happened because most of my elder son's baby pictures are there and they were gone.

my best photos (in my opinion) are those captured the first time.  if i try to repeat the same angle of the same subject, it usually isn't better than the first.  or it comes out differently, not the way i wanted to.  i like shooting off center.  i like to put a story in my photographs.  i like unconventional composition.  but technically, i know nothing.

this week, i got me a dslr -- a nikkon d3000.  they call it an entry level dslr ideal for beginners like me.  i'm tinkering, clicking, focusing away since friday but i have yet to schedule a  trip to somewhere where i can shoot a decent digital photograph to make it useful.  but like i said, this is where it all begins....

tryout

sports is human life in microcosm. 

-howard cosell

i don't know why i found it irrelevant to blog about my little big man being first pick at the tryout last week for the  bulacan team that will compete in the national championships.  somehow, i didn't write about it so i won't seem redundant in this blog, with the lame belief that i had too many readers who might get bored of the same ol' topic.  it's always about him and his taekwondo achievements so i thought i'd wait until the actual championship to write again.

so came the 33rd National Taekwondo Championship, 31 July 2010.  my little big man migo had a fantastic performance in his first game with a 21-5 score and a very damaging axe kick in the first round so his opponent conceded before the second round could start.

unfortunately, his team didn't win in the championship yesterday.  migo severely lost his second game with consecutive roundhouse hits to his head which caused his opponent to break away in points.  coach protested that the opponent must be overstaying in novice category but went unheeded.  but since the team won  3-2 despite his loss, they went on to a third game.  but migo lost again by a mere one point and two other teammates didn't make it so the team lost.  had he won or any of the other two won, they could've moved on to the next fight for bronze and if they won again, it was for the gold.

i felt how disappointed migo was as he held back tears while he slumped beside me at the bleachers.  it was his first national competition after winning many provincial and regional finals, and he failed.  everybody had high expectations of him and he didn't pull it through.

but now i know the relevance of the tryout.  as i look back,  his tryout last week for this competition was one of his major achievements.  being chosen amongst many, standing out from the rest, being personally hand-picked by the top coaches in bulacan.

yesterday's competition was his tryout for the bigtime.  where he did not make it.  YET.  which was what his dad and i told him.  it only meant he still had a  lot to learn and there is  still much room for improvement.  his coach and his dad found where he was weak at and now know where to concentrate in his training.  that next year, he will no longer be in novice and will be fighting in advance category and he will come back next year with a whole new armor.  

yes, it would've been super great had he and his team won.  but it only made him more eager to learn and improve his sport and look forward to next year's nationals.  it was not only a lesson in defeat but a lesson in winning.

my cousin commented in my facebook status that someday migo will go international.

not yet, malynn.  BUT WE WILL, i promise you that.

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personality type

so i took the enneagram test that almost everybody at work is raving about. and here's my result:

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

i will neither confirm nor deny the truth to this result.  i will let my friends and family decide.

favorite

waking up at 4am on a friday, i have just devised a creative way of establishing better communication between my kids and i.

so when i woke him up at 5am for school, i told the little big man my brilliant plan.  that starting today, we will be relating to each other what our most favorite moment/incident of our day is.  afterwhich, we will be relating our least liked moment/incident.

this way, i figured, i'd be able to be emotionally connected with them at the same time, know them better and will avoid them keeping secrets from their li'l ol' mom.  and i'm hoping we can do this till they grow older, become teenagers and even into their adulthood.  maybe i can  even create another blog for this, just for the record.  and i'm sure there will be many worth writing down which they will be glad to read and look back on someday.

after i told him, he willingly obliged, albeit, without enthusiasm coz he was still sleepy.  but he did tell me his favorite incident yesterday:  his class got +2 for good behavior during the earthquake drill.  well, actually he told me that already last night.  but now i know it's a big deal for him and i love it that he's happy at school.  his least liked:  none.

so when the little girl wakes up, i'll ask her too. :)

come to think of it, i better ask the hubby too and make this a daily family activity.  

bonding idea for the family! ♥  what do you think?

baby B / electricity and water

the hubby and i are having another baby.  we already have a name for it.  but it isn't coming out until after a couple of months or hopefully, less.

we've been dreaming about having it for the last few years.  but we think now is the right time.  and we've decided to just do it. we're planning things very carefully now.  we promised to stay committed to this because it is our family's future that is in store.  

i will let y'all know the details once we're sure. ;) 


now on to my issue of the day:

so last week there was the loss in power supply for at least 24 hours due to the typhonn basyang.  and this weekend, water supply.  due to i don't know what.  arggghh!!


let's see. for this family, no electricity meant... 

• darkness as early as five p.m. which gave us the opportunity to use our scented candles which the kids enjoyed 
• early dinner while there was still some faint sunlight
• early bedtime since they got sleepy at seven p.m. 
• no cellphone charging, ang i only had 1 bar left! 
• no internet access which was torture for all of us since we are a computer-dependent family
• no TV which wasn't supposed to be so bad, but since there wasn't internet and anything else to do, became horror!
• no airconditioning which was nightmare because i had to manually fan my kids to sleep and still continued until the electricity came back on.  and when we finally had airconditioning, their body temperatures were a little high and ended up coughing 

i was glad it lasted only for one night.  but it did cause all of us to get sick until the weekend.  especially the little big man who is now on antibiotics because he got super high fever last saturday.  and check out my bill for the past month -- all time high of 7k!  

now my dad told me sunday that water supply is gonna be cut down till the 23rd.  today, with less than 24 hours into it, i don't know which is worse -- no electricity or no water, which meant...

• no bath (nyarrrrr!) for the whole family, wisik-wisik lang last night before hearing mass
• dishes, spoons, forks, glasses, pots and pans piling up at the canteen 
• storing water in a big pail, a vat, a small pail, even a dipper.  wherever we can put water, we filled 'em up!

well i think bullet number 1 is enough reason to cringe.  so i haven't decided yet which is worse.  and it's time to leave this computer and wake up the kids.  it's a monday and we're starting the week right.

you decide which is worse and let me know. 

alice

it's an ongoing debate inside my head if i wanna know what holds for me in the future or not.  sometimes i wanna.  sometimes i don't wanna.  

which led me to think of that skill of alice cullen's.  how she deals with it, knowing what will happen next.  it must be torture to know in advance the death of someone dear to you.  it must be fun though to know that you'll eventually marry the man of your dreams.  and it must be dreadful to know that you're gonna flunk your next exam.  and it sure beats not knowing you're gonna live happily ever after.

when i was very young, i wanted to be a teacher.  i remember standing in front of a huge blackboard at my dad's printing press, sitting my dolls and stuffed toys in front of me and teaching them english and math.  into my elementary years, i discovered i had a knack for the arts and towards high school, i found that one course in college that was related to the arts was architecture.  so i wanted to take that up instead.  

during the college entrance exams, i was dead set on getting into u.p.  college of architecture.  my mom told me to take other exams from other colleges just so i had other options.  so i took a bs psychology exam in ateneo, the only other school i wanted to go to, but didn't have architecture in their lineup of course.  

and another at ust college of architecture and fine arts which i was only forced to do by my mom because i always thought it was a school for promdis*.  unwillingly, i went that fateful day and sat in a classroom which was for fine arts examinees.  when the facilitator instructed those who are taking archi exams to transfer to another room, i rolled my eyes and said to myself f*ck it i aint going to this school anyway, and took the fine arts exam.

as you may already know, i finished my b.a. in fine arts major in advertising at u.s.t. and never regretted it.  well, sometimes i do think about what could have been had i gone to u.p and pursued architecture.  or if i had gotten up from that seat and walked to the other room.  or if i hadn't taken that u.s.t. exam in the first place.

and i wonder, had i known, like alice, what was gonna happen next, would i have embraced it or run away?

Love nothing but that which comes to you woven in the pattern of your destiny. For what could more aptly fit your needs? ~ Marcus Aurelius

p.s. i'm thinking of getting alice's pixie hairstyle this weekend.  just as i told andre about it, he said noooo, it's so 90s!!

what if i didn't tell him and gone on to get it?


The Twilight Saga: Eclipse Soundtrack 

what makes a champion?

indeed, what does it take to make a taekwondo champion?  my kid's shirt, which hubby and i conceptualized ourselves, had it made to order by ourselves, says it all...

migo's 7th gold in tkd, 26 june 2010

...and God does the rest.

gold for lolo roging

Migo dedicates this gold to his Lolo Roging (my Dad's brother) whose cremation was on the day this championship was held.  Lolo Roging was always happy to know whenever my Dad tells him that Migo won a competition.  The last time Migo saw him alive, he just came from another competition wherein he got his 6th gold. 

Pictures:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/album.php?aid=189146&id=554330776&ref=mf

crush

this is the post i was composing before my uncle passed away and only got the chance to be posted today.

julla announced last weekend, while watching a local noontime show on tv, that "mommy, crush ko yan.  ano name nyan?"

"si elmo.  elmo magalona yan, anak ni francis magalona."

she stares.  "ahh...elmo..." contemplates.

last month, she declared that she had 5 crushes:  "si baste, (counting with her fingers) si justin bieber, si japoy, si kuya macky.... at si.... kuya migo!"

should i be worried?  elmo makes 6!



so here's the top 5:

1.  baste luna is the character of jhake vargas in the now defunct tv series "first time" which starred him, joshua dionisio and this girl named barbie who julla idolizes/likes/imitates and she thinks they look alike.

2. justin bieber.  we all know who he is.  if you don't, you're OLD.  here's my super wide grin at ya!  :D

3. japoy lizardo is that boy in the milo commercial who is a known local taekwondo player.  i somehow think he resembles jhake, maybe because of the hairstyle.  i think he's her first crush back when she was 3 years old.

4.  macky is migo's teammate in taekwondo who's a varsity player of ateneo.  julla saw him in one of migo's matches and decided he was cute.  a few weeks ago, we were at practice and i noticed him sitting with his girlfriend.  i pointed them to julla and told her that the girl beside him was his girlfriend.  she looked at her, sizing her up.  i mischievously asked her, "sino mas maganda sa inyong dalawa?"  she considered this and without batting an eyelash, she replied, "ako."

5.  migo, well, she adores her brother a lot.  which is a good thing.  despite them fighting often.

i must say, with her choices above, my kid knows cute.  eh? 

marriage and then some

today is a testimony of my love for him more than ever.  ok, i promise this won't be cheesy.  just a matter-of-fact translation of what i actually feel right now.

i was thinking this morning on my way to work, that i've already accepted his mistakes and shortcomings.  yes, after almost 9 years i am finally able to cope.  i guess.  i hope. 

there was a time when i almost gave up on this marriage.  and today i think that experience made our bond stronger.  and all the negative things that happened and may still be happening has brought us to a new level in our relationship, a deeper understanding of our many conflicting personalities that i realized, compliment each other.  like now, his bad temper makes me appreciate when he is extra sweet.  when he does things that are wrong for me, i am reminded of the many right things he does.  when he sometimes scolds the kids excessively, i know he loves them more than they'll ever know.  sometimes, he can be a bit offensive with his words but this is put to good use when he is defending me and our family.  which makes me secure that he will always protect us.  through the years, he has learned to apologize sincerely.  

today his imperfections became the perfect tools for me to decide to love him more.  after all, marriage is not just love, it's a decision. 

gone

i was drafting two blog entries yesterday in my head.  one, a funny anecdote about julla.  the other, a reflection on my being the most imperfect mother.  but i have to leave them on the dashboard for now.

my dad's younger brother passed away last night at 11:50pm.  a day after father's day.  two days before his sister's 1st death anniversary.  on my parents' 41st wedding anniversary.

it was inevitable.  colon cancer.  two weeks ago, his daughter came home from the states and we think he got better while she was here.  that was the last time i saw him.

i grieve with my cousins for the loss of their dad.  i was never really that close to him.  technically, he's my godfather because his wife is officially my baptismal and wedding godmother but i was never really close to him.  but when i was very young, i remember he would always tease me in some way that i didn't quite appreciate.  his family and my dad's family, being the only ones living in manila while the rest of his brothers and sisters are in bataan and the states, always got together when us kids were very young.  

into adulthood, i drifted away.  what with my work, my married life and concentration on my own family, it became seldom that i got to see or talk to him and my cousins.  but the times we do get together -- birthdays, weddings, funerals, i always felt the bond among us.   through the last eight weeks of uncle's , i felt it even more.  that blood is indeed thicker than water.  that no matter what i do, where i go, we are connected in some divine way.  that we still care for each other.  that despite everything we've been through, we will always be there for each other.  like right now.

you may not believe it, tiong roging, but i will truly miss you.  R.I.P.

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome."

-- Jimi Hendrix

happy father's day

For my Dad

For my Hubby

airplanes

"....can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars?  i could really use a wish right now...wish right now...."  -b.o.b. featuring hayley williams

as i listen to these lines in full volume with my kids playing /annoying each other at the same time in the background, i anxiously count down the hours till it's time to go to migo's new school.  it has been a long time since it felt like this. 

it's less than 24 hours now.

as i've said in a previous post, migo will be transferring to a new school.  i have the jitters more than he for it is like starting all over again.  he will be in a different environment: new classmates, new teachers, new opportunities and challenges, new schedules... new life.  he is going into uncharted territory and he doesn't know it but i know it's scary. 

i remember the first time i was going to ride an airplane. i was so excited.  i knew i was going to experience something new, discover a new country and learn new things.  little did i know  that going there, we will experience something else while flying. during flight, there is such a thing as clear air turbulence wherein there are no cumulus clouds and there is erratic movement of air.  they cannot be seen by the pilot and usually catches them by surprise.  the passengers of the airplane usually feels a jolt, much like when riding a car and you drive over potholes.  only here, you're suspended in air and you don't know what could happen.  after a while, once past these air pockets, the ride becomes smooth again.

tomorrow is a turning point in my son's life.  i admit i'm afraid of the air pockets he may encounter for the next ten months in the new school.  for i know he has to do this alone.  me and hubby can only sit in the sidelines and let him do his stuff.  but just as we let him get into the taekwondo court by himself, we will be confidently looking on, believing he will make it through, supporting him and shouting, Go Migo!

meetings

yesterday i met an old soul just like me.  we already met about 2 months ago and i guess, being the "way we are", didn't really get to know each other immediately.  see, she and i... we're slow to warm up to people.  funny i didn't see the connection from the start.  

so we talked about my sick uncle, irregular bowel movement, her stint down under, my kid's school, her kilig love story, her design portfolio, my choice of church for my wedding.  

speaking of weddings, she's getting married next year.  her fiance is aries, just like my hubby.  she's pisces which was an omg moment because although i was born aquarian, i strongly believe that i am a pisces.  (i was born premature, 2 weeks early but that is another long story worthy of another blog entry.  well, next time.)

which led us to find out that we feel the same way about a lot of things, we handle situations the same way and that we are both "listeners" not "talkers."  that we experienced the same emotions on our first few weeks at work and that we dealt with it in the same manner.

thus, reaffirms my belief that every person we meet was meant to be a part of our life.  that there are no meetings by accident.  that god lets them come our way for a reason.  and that they will have a particular role in our existence.

for now, i still don't know yet her role in mine or my role in hers.   i just know we clicked.  like a snap of a finger.

let's pretend

where do pretentious people come from?  are they born that way or do they evolve from childhood through experiences they cannot control, thus ending up the way they are?  why can't they just be true to themselves?

found this interesting read on being pretentious. 

Pretentious. Adjective - attempting to impress by affecting greater importance or merit than is actually possessed.

Anyone can be pretentious if they set their mind to it. However, there's more to it than sitting around in your dressing gown, listening to classical music and reading The French Lieutenant's Woman on a Sunday afternoon. Being pretentious is pointless unless people can see you doing it. Being seen is everything for the dedicated follower of pretensiousness.

there's more if you click on the link. 

sixth

6th gold yesterday

green estates friendship games

guiguinto, bulacan

not really a significant taekwondo competition

but nevertheless.

cannot find the right words to make a blog entry worth-reading so...

blogging this for the record.

proud momma, again.

on to trivial things, like TV

so it's june 2nd.  we're halfway through the year and i think we're doing a pretty good job.  i think.

a while ago, a good friend of mine told me she and her family are moving and they're selling most of their furniture and appliances to make way for new ones or existing ones at the new house, which is actually the family home of her husband.  anyway, she was telling me about being able to cut down on some expenses specifically their cable tv.

which made me think why in heck don't we have cable connection at home.  

i grew up without it because my mom believed that it creates gaps among families because instead of talking to one another at the dinner table, the tv grabs everyone's attention.  so she made a rule that we cannot watch tv during dinner.  she also believed that we should read books instead of watching endless television programs. she did let us watch what was available in the local channels but she closely monitored what shows we watched.  so i grew up familiar with shows on free tv.

when i married, i discovered my hubby and i both didn't watch tv.  and when the kids came, they were automatically not fans of tv either.  for some time, i've considered getting cable for myself so i'd be able to  watch glee or american idol on the actual day they're being aired so that i would be up-to-date when they talk about it at work. and some people would usually tell me, whaaaat?  how can you live without cable?!! and it sometimes embarrasses me.  also, just so my kids will be familiar with cartoon network and national geographic just like the other kids their age.  so they don't get left out in kids' conversations.  i figured i didn't want to deprive them of that because somehow subconsciously, i was deprived of it during my time.   

but for some reason, i never got around to doing it.  i guess, subconsciously too, i believed  my mom. 

If you came and you found a strange man... teaching your kids to punch each other, or trying to sell them all kinds of products, you'd kick him right out of the house, but here you are; you come in and the TV is on, and you don't think twice about it.  

                                                                       ~Jerome Singer

tutoring

today, migo will start academic tutorials near his new school.  last week, hubby and i visited two tutorial centers just outside the school to check out what they offer and all that.  both gave us some sort of preview on what to expect when migo starts schooling at the new school.  they've been tutoring students from the school for years now and they are more or less familiar with the goings-on there. 

funny how, back when i was in grade school, tutors are for those who are slow/cannot cope/not so intelligent students.  it seems that nowadays, even the bright kids are on it what with the demands of going to traditional school.

yes, migo is going to a trad.  ironic that i've been scouting for progressive schools ever since he was an infant and have been dead set on it for the longest time.  but our family circumstances make it not possible for him to go to such.  for one thing, our home is not in the vicinity of them progressive schools.  i am left to choose between a local trad school and this one just outside our city which is known for its high educational standards.  so i chose this.

meanwhile, julla is still going to kindergarten in a progressive pre-school just near our place.  eventually, when she goes to grade school, we just might enrol her in migo's school too.

decisions.  decisions.  i hope we're making the right ones for our kids.  we only want what's best for them.